I'm gazing up, I'm gazing high.
Let me watch the stars tonight.

It mightn't give me better grades,
or wash my clothes or clean the plates,
or make me famous, make me rich,
or change the direction of my fate.
And it won't just fix the politics,
or save the falling economy,
or cease these tiring, endless wars
and it won't eradicate poverty.

But even if there's nothing right,
let me watch the stars tonight.

Hitchhiking through the galaxy,
a blazing comet passes by,
and waves to billion specks of light,
those sparkling diamonds in the sky.

Tomorrow I may change the world,
or I might even exercise.
Tonight I'm gazing up and high,
I'm looking at the stars tonight.

I've come to the decision
That friendship is a knife
You grab onto one for self defense
To protect your very life

You keep it by your side
And when things are looking grey
You clutch it even tighter
To keep your enemies at bay

The knife gives you security
And you know it is always there
But sometimes after a bit of time
That knife begins to wear.

The handle might break off
Leaving nothing but the blade
But it's the knife that you are used to
So you grab it; unafraid

It cuts into your hand
but you try to ignore the pain
Hanging onto this piece of you
Is worth the open vein

As you're hurting more and more
You hold on to the knife more firmly
Until the knife begins to hurt so much
That you are begging it for mercy

The tighter you hang onto it
The more damage it can do
Only one person can make it stop
In the end, that person is *you

It seems that the eternal night
has covered my mind
I'll be consumed
in the morning there'll be nothing left.

All these words
left me speechless
betrayed again
I'm mad

I believed at least
they will last
that I will create something
that changes the world

I dream

XLII

‘My future will not copy fair my past’—
I wrote that once; and thinking at my side
My ministering life-angel justified
The word by his appealing look upcast
To the white throne of God, I turned at last,
And there, instead, saw thee, not unallied
To angels in thy soul! Then I, long tried
By natural ills, received the comfort fast,
While budding, at thy sight, my pilgrim’s staff
Gave out green leaves with morning dews impearled.
I seek no copy now of life’s first half:
Leave here the pages with long musing curled,
And write me new my future’s epigraph,
New angel mine, unhoped for in the world!

"Always become the one being hurt
Rather than ever hurting another"
Words I have strived to live by
The philosophy left by my mother

I've always tried to live my life
Standing up for what is right
Helping others no matter the cost
Being everyone's shining knight

What a horrible way to live

Even when I was on the verge of breaking
Even when the burden seemed too large
I always took it onto myself
And it was always free of charge

They all need to pay

But lately there is this voice
Echoing from the back of my mind
That is always fighting to take over
It wants to punish the unkind

Maybe I don't want to forgive

Tell me who is that inside me
Those thoughts can't be my own
Even when there's no one around
Somehow I am not alone

Just let me come out and play

I'm trying to keep it at bay
Am I past the point of no return?
I JUST WANT THE VOICE TO GO AWAY
But.... *Now....it's my turn