What if I never get married?

I almost let him in
Like my legs were walls he had to climb
I almost opened those doors for him

I almost let him touch me
Like my body was not a sacred place
But an amusement park meant for his exploration
I forgot that you always leave after you've been on enough rides
I'm lucky enough that I never gave him a ticket

I almost let him kiss me
Just to feel the heat between our bodies
The cool of his breath on my lips
I've really never wanted something as bad as I had wanted this

And the sad part is that ...
Almost all of these, are lies I like to tell myself
To try and forget that I let him kiss me
I let him touch me
I let him in without him trying
Because maybe the want to experience him never took into account the pain that he would bring
How he left me so easily
I want to forget how his lips felt
I want to forget the way our lithe bodies pressed together
So that I can remember
How he had crossed so many bridges
Yet failed to find a key to unlock the last door

Second day back and he was there
Him, miss the first day but today here
We're not talking but it was easier than I thought
Staring at me here and there, he thought I didn't saw

Some classes are hard because we sit opposite each other

I wonder what goes on in his mind
I try to think about it but the answer is too hard to find
I remember when it used to be my hands in his - intertwined
But obviously those days were imaginations in my mind

It's always hard when we're apart
But it's all his fault for ripping out my heart
I thought he was different
I didn't know that he would stick the knife in and twist it

Days would pass before we said hi
I'd always seem to go run and hide
But I'd always find him again
He always used to be my best guy friend

He is, I mean was, my shield
But whenever I go back my mind says yeild

No matter how hard I try to fight it, it will always be true
No matter how hard I try to stay away I'll always find my way back to you.

And so he was the beauty and I was the beast
Our love was animalistic
So he caged his feelings
I can't see that he loves me behind his mask
And he's too afraid to remove mine
Nobody wants to touch an ugly thing anyway

He planted a garden in my heart for all eyes to see.
He planted kisses on my face, amplifying that he's with me.

He watered down my fears with the scent of his calogne.
If you asked me I'd tell you 'He'll never leave me alone.'

And for a while he kept his promise and stayed by my side.
But after a while the roses wilted and the flowers began to die.

Now I'm stuck with the weeds of his love spreading in my veins.
Being watered by my tainted blood flowing through their streams.

But my fear is not this poison that spreads through me everyday.
Because I'm more terrified of his smile, that won't even look my way.

And he'll be there, loving her, the girl that took my place.
While I stand around with the fakest smile plastered on my face.

And that boy that promised he'd love me forever, just decided to leave.
Now here I am, left with a garden of poison and I can barely breathe.

Dear Stranger,

I remember when we were in love.
Our bodies constantly colliding like bumper cars; we were violent.
A mixture that should have never been combined. My love we were better off seperated from each other.
But our love was worth the explosion.

Dear Stranger,

I remember the first time we hugged.
Like magnets our bodies were drawn to eachother; we were inseparable. But I never thought that we could be demagnetized so easily. My love, I never thought that you would be drawn to another pole.

Dear Stranger,

I remember when we held hands for the first time.
It felt like butter because your fingers melted so easily into mine; we were perfect.

Dear Stranger,

I remember the first time we met.
You were the sun and I was the moon; we were never meant to collide but we did and it was beautiful.

Dear Stranger,

All of this is to say that we were two different people before we met and we are two different people now.
I don't know who you are anymore.

Dear Stranger,

Goodbye.

I'm not a perfect girl, my hair doesn't always stay in place
I have scars on my body and bumps on my face
I eat all the wrong foods and don't always make my bed
And the things people say may sometiems go to my head

I laugh a bit too loud and talk a bit too much
I'm constantly making mistakes but hell, life is rough
I have a lot of probelms, that I don't know how to solve
And my friends always find a way to get themselves involved

I yell and I scream and I shout when I'm mad
I cry myself to sleep all the nights that I'm sad
I make stupid jokes only me and my friends get
And spend my spare time trying to forget

All the mean things that people say and do
Having a conversation in my head, wondering if it's true

They stand in line awaiting  my  fall
But confidently  I  arise with my flaws and all

First, stick your hand down your throat and try to ignore the pain because this, my darling, is not the part that hurts.

Remember how it feels as it beats by itself: ba dum ba dum ba dum.
After you've memorized the pattern pull it out quick and easy and give him your heart.

Your throat will burn with the effort it took. Your eyes will water. Your fingers will tremble. And your mind will call you a silly little girl for the umpteenth time this year.

But it's not because you fall for boys; it's because you're still that silly little girl that wants daddy's affection. Your mind is calling you a fool for loving this old gambling drunk but you ... you like the way he holds your heart.
You do not realize the power that you have given him.

He squezzes it, tosses it around, throws it up like he wants God Himself to reach down and catch it. He's playing with it.
You fight for it back. You fight to keep it up and before you know it crimson covers your fingers, tears cover your cheeks.

You say if this is love you do not want it; he drops it. Like the beer bottle that shattered into millions of pieces, he leaves the mess for someone else to clean up. He leaves it for you to clean up.

It cuts you but at least you can feel.
You pick your heart up. It's in peices. Your fire. Your passion. Your love was never meant to be something that was easy to swallow.

It puts itself back together. Your throat closes it self off. You don't know if your alive until you touch your chest.

Ba dum ba dum ba dum

She never knew that the color of her skin
Could define the type of person she was within

By simply taking a look at her face
You'd probably base her beauty on her race

"Am I Beautiful?" she asked.

*"You are beautiful, for a black girl"

I want your touch
I want your hands to discover every inch of my body so I can feel electric. Because your fingers spark my skin, if you touched my entire body I would be on fire

I want you to be brave
So that when you hold me, the fire will not make you feel afraid. After all it's you who caused it. They say you can not make fire feel afraid but if you don't hold me I'll know what fear feels like

I want you to choose
Me or her. Me or her. Me or her. If there was ever a choice to make, pick her. I don't want you to spend the rest of your life wondering if I was who you wanted

I want you to want me
But baby I won't wait forever

Your over flood of questions have me sinking under their weight
Like my bed is soaked with your concern
This is not supposed to hurt me .. but it is
Don't tell me I'm doing too much
I already know that I am
Your reminder is just one more thing that will break free the dam I hold my tears in
Sometimes I do feel like I can't
And maybe sleep is not the right route to take
But is it so bad that I want the world to pause.
I want your concerns to stop.
I want my bed to dry.
Just so I can breathe for a while ...

Writing poetry, for me, is like being naked.
My words are like clothes and I'll let my readers undress them.

I've been trying to write a poem for a while now
but I've honestly been wasting my time
I hate how unfamiliar this feeling feels
And how it expands the sheets of my mind

Right now I don't want to rhyme
I don't want to sit here and tell you all something so beautiful
because nothing about my pain is pretty
It hurts
It hurts so much

And I just want it to stop.

Don't spend too much time listening to other people. You might forget what your voice sounds like.

Before I met you, I was a star
Pretty far away, but up close just gas

Shining by external validation and without that a black hole
Wanting to be filled with
... anything

I didnt know I could be worthy for just existing
For just taking up space, I matter

And I havent always loved myself
And I'm not sure why you do

But knowing you has been liberating
And loving you has freed me

Your love was electric baby; I didn't mind the shocks.

I could send you a million beautiful pictures of myself but I send the less attractive ones instead, just to see if you'll still treat me all the same when I'm not as beautiful as you thought.

I want these tears to leave my body
In rivers and streams of pent up emotion
I want to let it all go
I want to let you go

With each tear comes a memory so my waterworks are more like a fountain picture
I have poured enough rivers and streams into the ocean of my heartbreak that your pennies can take a dip in their seas, make a wish, and never see the light of the sun again

My past is not something that you want to explore
Because in the end
The waves will rise
And come tumbling down again
Taking you under with it every time