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May 2012 · 631
twenty three
Kimmy-Nichole May 2012
yes,
it simply is
the number of me
defines my years of life


ive felt ive hit the rock bottom layer
and flown to the highest of highs
with simple elegant trys

lif
May 2012 · 497
spring and single
Kimmy-Nichole May 2012
the time is here,
the air is clear
the time is now
to go about
a certain path
all alone,
guided by my own heart
pathed by intuition
felt by faith

here i am,
free at last
standing taller than ever
loving myself and being strong
i know the right one is out there
it just takes time and personal change
i will achieve that.
Apr 2012 · 481
well fuck
Kimmy-Nichole Apr 2012
why does the life of kimmy seem to be more and more complicated?
i dont get it,
Apr 2012 · 887
Confusion Under the Covers
Kimmy-Nichole Apr 2012
It is underwraps,
serious doubts
you dont listen to my dreams,
you dont ever know what I mean
taking a second,
even a minute
evaluating this love that you swear we have,
Perhaps this pushyness of your persistence
is merely just a trap
to kidnap me from my thoughts
and control my train of thinking
like a puppet and his master
Mar 2012 · 1.1k
ideal
Kimmy-Nichole Mar 2012
hocus pocus
please, grant me focus
stop my mind from racing
a thousand seconds a minute
slow my thoughts,
calm my fears,
demolish the doubt
give me the strenghth
give me the piece of mind
to overcome
this adhd train of thought;
for i only have till midnight
Mar 2012 · 408
Baby, Tis Love
Kimmy-Nichole Mar 2012
its an obsession,
with you every day
and all i still want is you;
no one gets it but my heart
i feel it beat to you,
your my boyfriend,
my best friend,
maybe it is fast
i wont slow down,
this is different,
for once this is real.
i think i love you; yes i love you-
just you, though.
i dont need anything else
no one else will do,
i wont have anyone else,
all i need and all i want
is you
Mar 2012 · 578
Off the top of my head
Kimmy-Nichole Mar 2012
We have so many coincedences-
its like we are on lifes meant to be list,
i lost a friend he lost friends,
instant attraction love at first sight,
my broken phone his missing phone,
we both encounter hand enjurys;
we care for eachother
like eachother; 2 weeks deep
and I am obsessed; more or less
mindover matter
his car breaks down,
next night my car breaks down,
run in with our exes and our dads
what are the odds?
we are strong and together,
we can handle anything this world throws at us
together as a team
pinch me, this feels like a dream
Mar 2012 · 365
love
Kimmy-Nichole Mar 2012
so fast
so new
so right
it is not in my control
i follow my heart
listen to my soul
feel of the vibes
it feels so perfect
Feb 2012 · 1.1k
Senorita
Kimmy-Nichole Feb 2012
senorita
her name is ******
living in a half empty cup
under neath the stars
of a lofts stairs.

****** dances and dreams
wonders if life is all it seems
as its perceived,
questions her thoughts
traces her dreams

chases the feelings
that so desperatley brings ****** to her knees
perhaps there is a plan
maybe its all just a test

as ****** sips her cup
under the stairs
a man comes and says hey bonita como se llamo
******, she speaks softly and smiles
hola senorita he replys
Feb 2012 · 461
Frames
Kimmy-Nichole Feb 2012
the
presense of a person
is it psychosis,
dealt by the doses?
trembling on the inside
all happy on the outside
a mask never to be revealed
except through a radio wave
funny how the real me
is coming to surface
Feb 2012 · 545
Turn it up
Kimmy-Nichole Feb 2012
bass bumping in my ear drums
left side right side
togethere they collide-
loud and proud
pandora provides my music fix
its much to early to crave loud beats
I get what I want-
Not to sound selfish of course,
I am not sure
I am confident
I am not finished
I am just beginning
1 week till Im 23
Excited for a new start
ready to part from this age
Its been long overdue
never turn it down,
never frown
Feb 2012 · 6.3k
adhd
Kimmy-Nichole Feb 2012
you cant defeat me
you wont
Ill cooperate
Ill act scattered
Ill be unfocused
Ill be motivated to motivate this terrible distraction in my mind
The answer is simple
College and AdHd dont mix
they collide
my brain is a dj playing dubstep
24 hours a day
non stop full volume
crank it up
because there is no stoping.
Feb 2012 · 689
Empty Celebratory
Kimmy-Nichole Feb 2012
driving on empty, my tank way past e
i fear the sudden stop of my car on the busy street,
Its the academy awards,
I feel so unexciting
I gymed it up, worked out hard
I am eating better and taking care of myself
subway in my tummy
clean and showered comfy in pajamas
i wonder when I will meet that guy
who will like me for me,
just as i am
and loves my boringness
wonders what i am thinking
and loves to play the question game, in an attempt to get to know the real me.
You ask, Ill tell.
where is he?
Feb 2012 · 866
dead battery
Kimmy-Nichole Feb 2012
Zen & Men.

Simply, saturday
broke and sore
mind racing like a track meet.

That's ok, my will is good
Feb 2012 · 1.7k
Dream Analyzer
Kimmy-Nichole Feb 2012
I remember you,
I think of you.
You cared about  me and every thought I ever had,
You helped me make sense of what I was dealing with,
even though neither of us could at that time.
There wont ever be anyone like you in my life I rest assure
I stand tall and reminis on our time together
and feel the haunting of your presense everytime I write.
Feb 2012 · 725
Descending
Kimmy-Nichole Feb 2012
drop the base
throw me off, confuse me
mislead me
What I feel
Is imperfection
and maturity
wisdom and experience
I find the aging process beautiful

I can not wait to age.
23 is just a few weeks away, a new age is a new chapter.
Feb 2012 · 454
Bed Time.
Kimmy-Nichole Feb 2012
Is it bedtime ?
or is it just the beginning.
When I am asleep my mind is a movie reel projecting role after role
I feel like my mind is like James Cameron in the production of Titanic.
I dream of the unknown, and the past
I predict the future and contimplate lifes problems best when I am asleep.

I will figure it out, on my own, in my mind
when I crawl under my sheets hit the lights
lay my head down
everynight at bedtime
Feb 2012 · 459
BA degree
Kimmy-Nichole Feb 2012
ill get it ill get there
they already have it
debt free
worry free
a walk in the park a mere fun experience
i am stressed and broke
working harder than ever to make money
forget what others have
i am my own support system
hate and jealousy are drugs of the demon
faith and a dream hope and the future
its all i have
its all i need
ill get where i need to be
ill get what i want.
Feb 2012 · 422
marriage
Kimmy-Nichole Feb 2012
i want it i dream it i see it i believe it
destiny and fate
love and commitment
following your heart
trusting whats right
finding the right guy
is all i need
where is he?
patience is a virtue
Feb 2012 · 405
coming up and breaking up
Kimmy-Nichole Feb 2012
you were there thru alll the struggle and grind
a hand to hold when my tears fell
a fight against the world
me all alone
but instead of misery i chose him
i lost a lo t but gained even more
aside from the pounds
and away from the fear
i feel bad for you
Feb 2012 · 327
dec14
Kimmy-Nichole Feb 2012
i am not sorry
for all the pain you have endured
is just a test
a test to make sure
youre ready for whats to come
whatever it is
a mere bump in the road
might seem to some as  a disaster
but remember that the grass may be greenner
Feb 2012 · 416
Memorial Day
Kimmy-Nichole Feb 2012
what a day,
the first memorial day spent away.
I think and drink-
wonder why Im here again.
lurking in my own dark apartment;
thinking about the place I dream to be,
the city i hated so hard,
yet im yearning for the dirtyness.
the memories
the conversations,
the one who meant the world to me.
Life is certainly not anything it used to be.
Feb 2012 · 356
this
Kimmy-Nichole Feb 2012
that than when and how
guess add multiply
figure it out
confused isolated alone
we are the ones
you are the cure
and i am the disease
Feb 2012 · 366
WHERE IS MY HEAD
Kimmy-Nichole Feb 2012
where is mind.
\is it outside
inside
under the bed
over the moon
in the roome
on the spoon.
where
where oh were
can some one please
help me find it
im hurting inside
i feel like somethings missing.
its my mind
Dec 2011 · 654
Hey over THERE
Kimmy-Nichole Dec 2011
Why is being happy such a challenge?
I find myself asking the same question at times.
please don't answer it.

How come forgiveness is not something that can be granted? ESPECIALLY during the Holidays?
Dec 2011 · 669
Glitter & I
Kimmy-Nichole Dec 2011
crunch and lunge,
sprint and squat
stretch and pace
trying to make it first in the race
head straight eye on the prize
physically
and mentally
preparing for the best me
I can ever come to be
Dec 2011 · 681
Glitter & I
Kimmy-Nichole Dec 2011
crunch and lunge,
sprint and squat
stretch and pace
trying to make it first in the race
head straight eye on the prize
physically
and mentally
preparing for the best me
I can ever come to be
Dec 2011 · 405
These words are true
Kimmy-Nichole Dec 2011
as the wind blows,
the air chills,
the frost nips at my nose,
and the cold chaps my lips;
I think about the life I live
and the future ahead.
It may be blissful and bright,
or perhaps short lived,
however the cards play out
there is only one thing
I live to think about;
**everything happens for a reason
Dec 2011 · 1.2k
arrogance
Kimmy-Nichole Dec 2011
an apology,
a peace offering, a christmas card
a "I'm sorry, I did what I needed to do at that particular time in my drastically changing life"
is all I wish you could understand,
have all been mental potential peace offerings...
but now, COME to think about it,
I was never her,
I was "something" that resembled her.
I was the TEMPORARY words to your poem,
and she was your poem.
Kimmy-Nichole Dec 2011
is quite what it seems.

life is unpredictable,
edgy, rough and rugged
living life behind a picked fence;
in the midst of a revolution
is simply asking for
regret;
so please listen to me when i say,
stop being shy,
come out and play
Dec 2011 · 483
bow and bell
Kimmy-Nichole Dec 2011
believe in the belief
trust in the truth
taste in the touch
life is over whelming, sure
but never too much
Sep 2011 · 598
draining the rain
Kimmy-Nichole Sep 2011
seeking the serenity,
praying the pain away

believing in the future
anticipating the day

where it'll all be fine
kinda like it was all over again
Kimmy-Nichole Sep 2011
My.
Self.
Is simple.
I have never
ever been more content as I am currently.
I Miss the comfort of the power of love.
But Love is subjective...
I wish to fall hopelessly like I did
once before, But that is a long shot of w i s h f u l t h i n k i n g

Please forgive my patheticness, please know I was not trying to hurt you.
I did what I had to .
to survive. to get by. to pass through the longest year of my entire life to date.
Sep 2011 · 434
& Im slipping in between
Kimmy-Nichole Sep 2011
For ever I wanted,
for all i loved
is all I lost.
No gain other than growing up-
I'd never been so lost
or so scared
but alone i stood;
dreaming of us
dreaming of how i longed just to be home .

I am sure
To be continued..
Jul 2011 · 1.5k
this just in
Kimmy-Nichole Jul 2011
so this just in.
last night, after a grueling  day of nanny-ing, I went to  the davis consignment store and broused around   finding some numerous  cute tops and shorts as well as purchasing 2 new books to add to my reading collection ( i just finished the time travelers wife.)
so than  around 4pm  I  was heading to B st  where I   was meeting with my future roomate, who by the was amazingly nice and pretty and has a boyfriend and turns 21 in september. Im so excited to leave parkside apts - living in north davis is such a drag. Central Davis here I come  ( Ill be living   5 minutes to  UC davis, an amazing arbotreum, pools, the davis Arc and frat  row and party city. This is going to be the best thing  that has happened to me.)
So after that  I went back to my  apt  and as giddly as ever, called my mom to  tell her my amazing roomate  news.   ( mY moms finally really proud of me. I am working 2 full time jobs as a nanny  from 8:30 am  to 2:30 pm than my night nanny job  4:30 pm to 5:30 am except on wed thur fridays.)
so it being my night off, i   figured why not go out.  so my apartment neighbor whom i met at the gym friend jesse who is 29, studied as a foreign exchange student in finland for a year, gotten a dui, is a davis townie, went to a  college called will-am-eit  and was in a fraternity out there. he is fun to go out with and bar hop in downtown with; the last time i was  out with jesse, i went to a bar called sophias than later on met up with my ex crush who is this charming dbag from winters named chad and got fun drunk. Well in aims for that spirit again we started off  by drinking and laughing at my apt . we decided to go lay out by the hot tub  and drank beer  being sillly kids. we decided to hit up downtown davis for this bar called the grad. It was beach themed  country line dancing night. Yeah , being alone because  your friend is off showing off his line dancing with precision kinda moves and meeting line dancing babes in bikinis ...awkward for sure. so amungst bying my own 2 beers which were hand picked by my big  and sure of himself bartender, which eventually  led to my  very  interesting night of drunken madness. It kicked off on as previously mentioned on the way to the grad which lead to me leaving with this older woman in a cab to another bar that was supposed to be more enertaining.  I ended up forgetting my id at the grad, my phone was dead and to top it all off  i didnt know anyone s number at the top of my head.  i decided to take matters in to my own feet and chose to hoof it back to my apt on f street. god, what a long and stupering night that was.  when i finally made it, out of exhaustion and drunkness , i  collided onto my neighbors couch still in    last nights outfit. karla  woke me up at 7 :30 and i showered  feeling super ****** and groggy , i couldnt eat or drink. I had work at 8:30. not feeling so hot, i was slowly getting through the day. the kids and i all layed on and under blankets and stuffed animals, and i told stories. it was really cute and relaxing. i love those kids.prior to that i threw up. after that it was time to drop off timothy at therapy, than abigail and abraham at speech therapy. I threw up in the bathroom, and on the sideof the minivan in front of ruth and timothy. ugh.    
so  than after i talked to my neighbor  slash ex boyfriend patrick about getting in connection with a a herb that helps me feel better by increasing my appittie and helping me sleep. he provided wth that special  herb. while sitting and smoking, i felt the spark that we used to have. i confessed to sleeping with a guy i met in newport two weeks ago on the fourth of july when i went back home. patrick told me he has hooked up with this slutty townie girl, and i wish them both std free happyness.

here i am typing away , getting sleepier and sleepier. Tonight will be a  early night indeed. i love my new spirit and i love who i am. i love where i am going. i will not exceed more alcohol than my tiny light weight body can handle.. Well it feels good to write. i know i must get back on that writing more often. until next time,
-Kimmy
Kimmy-Nichole Jul 2011
a week back home wed to tuesday of the fifth
i had a long series of peaceful and sleep field nights
aching from the uncomfort of my original twin bed
to the admiration of my ry and bru

a second flew by
oh too very soon

i am determined to be better
stinging with back aches
Jul 2011 · 486
garden grove
Kimmy-Nichole Jul 2011
back again since december of twenty ten
life is splendid more blessed than ever
learning lifes pathes and how they fold
loving it all despite my weird awkwardness
im a big girl now
Jun 2011 · 624
Nadine.
Kimmy-Nichole Jun 2011
last night,
i dreamt I called your mom
it was way early in the am
like 4am or I so presume,
She picked up as if i woke her from here slumber ,
(which in obvious I did);
I asked her to speak to you,
our converasation went exactly like this;
"She said he isn't home Kimmy but when I see him,
ill be sure to have him call you. In the meantime, can i take  a message?"
Than I sob and tell her, "Please tell Him that your him who I think about.
day in and day out. I really need him to know that."
as my voice increased quieter than a shout.
Jun 2011 · 477
Who I am.
Kimmy-Nichole Jun 2011
I guess its final;
I am here,
In the same place
The every day
ways of the environments
Of lifes beautiful face-

on every drive
in every way
Its becoming familiar

Maybe a new start
With the Introduction to  
the patterns of the daily usuals

I think another year will be such a brave decision,
A simple leap of trust of responsibility
And realiability
A simple independence;
Proven to be another challenge;
as well as the the midterm
of finding who I am.
May 2011 · 379
So updated, So current
Kimmy-Nichole May 2011
22 eager and proud,
Not afraid to be blunt,
Ready to reflect myself from hurt,
And to feel with my mind,
And to see  the world from life on the otherside;
A benefit of plenty,
Is the feeling of empty.
(In regards to how you must feel and how sorry I am for hurting you)
May 2011 · 407
Memorial Day
Kimmy-Nichole May 2011
what a day,
the first memorial day spent away.
I think and drink-
wonder why Im here again.
lurking in my own dark apartment;
thinking about the place I dream to be,
the city i hated so hard,
yet im yearning for the dirtyness.
the memories
the conversations,
the one who meant the world to me.
Life is certainly not anything it used to be.
Apr 2011 · 397
ughl
Kimmy-Nichole Apr 2011
silence in the library
the stillness of the air
the creepy crawl in the pit of my stomach
mixed with the continuous pinching presumes
you hope they dont stare
Apr 2011 · 558
Knarles Krazy
Kimmy-Nichole Apr 2011
I guess its proven to be
just as we exactly wanted it to be
except there isnt us.

another year another tear
a fear of what i feel
and how Im able to live with myself
behind a shadow of guilt
im able to wake up -- everyday and smile
and wonder to myself and think;
how it would be great to hear your voice
and be able to tell you that im sorry
and im sorry for the lies that hurt you-
and im sorry that the reason I lost you,
was to better myself and be this better me; hand in hand next to you.

Fate
its impossible --- so they say
Im a mircle baby
so illl make it happen

just watch me. stand  there eye me up and down, feel free, judge me
try to belittle me and abuse me
Apr 2011 · 494
him
Kimmy-Nichole Apr 2011
him
Take a look
but beware
not to stare
as its unfair
uncomfortable and moist
luckily theres no hair on the palm
so tragic and calm ---

imagine the flood
replaced with blood
dark and deep
red, hot with heat-
the air so cold
chilly and dark
isolated with questions
silenty ignored ;
just another victim
left with a
a broken heart.

replaced my ignorance with
Apr 2011 · 570
some might not get it
Kimmy-Nichole Apr 2011
august- a struggle beneath a mess a face obvious to stress.
september- the summer heat is sticky grosse and u
october - partying fun molly and making out still in love so confused under the spell of this party drug he introduced to me
november- rough and rocky. the part of my life that seemed to be so obvious and prroven that it was too good to be true
december - cold. christmas lights and doubt. a trip bachk home for a week that lasted way to long  ; a trip to washington . who am i becoming.
january - a new year a rave at a highschool like venue a tiny parachute of molly and **** ciggareets and greeed this girl in the mirror, what am i doing.
february- nothing great a part time gig at a floral shop and  a confusion of many things, a list so long it would read all the way to the sun
MARCH - the  first at midnight  12:13 to be precise konstantine is playing
Apr 2011 · 2.4k
moombah
Kimmy-Nichole Apr 2011
oh yuh
***** dubstep bumping like an 808
partying like a rockstar

marijuana molly ***** nyquil ativan adarall
baby bash
waka flocka bumping super H E L L - UH loud
the party downstairs

will be raging with under age kids all night -
here we go again

the peeping land lord- and the drunnk guy outside my bathroom
the sketchy anti social other room mate
the 2nd story appt
and the kids downstairs partying like i did when i was 19


wait a minute

i am way to old for this ****
Apr 2011 · 737
dreaming
Kimmy-Nichole Apr 2011
no advil - my brain is swollen and throbbing so often its uncommon

its dejavu

perhaps even karma

i guess i should take the blame

and apologize -

just so things will be

erased, than put in the past

and a clean slate will emerge

one more time

in this vicious cycle ive commited myself too
Apr 2011 · 350
iron and wine
Kimmy-Nichole Apr 2011
my  heart
my head
throb with confusion
and question my existance

the life im living
the women im becoming
im not quite sure

you would recognize her
iron and wine - the boy with the coin
Apr 2011 · 407
the island part 2
Kimmy-Nichole Apr 2011
please excuse the lack of capitalization
dreaming
i need to sleep
i know i do
i need to eat
i need advice
i need my old life back
minus the problems with my parents
and a different residence obviously near
Apr 2011 · 2.3k
propose a toast
Kimmy-Nichole Apr 2011
capitalization and pronunciation
is a thing of the past in this current state-

im not perfect
ill never be

I need something
a purpose
a reason for living
and a reason for leaving this part of the golden coast
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