I'm looking for someone to:
Cook with/for
Sleep with
Hike with
Camp with
Dream with
Hang out with
Game with
Escape with
Sing with
Dance with
Explore with
Adventure with
Hug
Hold
Cuddle
Kiss
.........

Love.

Someone to not be alone with.

This is not a poem.

I am a poet in my brain. And yet when I sit down to type, the words never come out quite so elegant; the point never quite as clear
When I monologue to the mirror as I cry on the bathroom sink, the power of it reverberates back to me, and I think “I should write this down”; but when I sit with pen to paper, my hand trembles and the message is lost in the shaking and as I type, the keys sound furious only because my thoughts don’t translate to ones and zeros

Hi. My name is Kimberly.

None of you know me. And that’s the beauty of this site. That’s why I reserve hello poetry for my emotional dumping ground. No one can know what I feel. Don’t ask me why, it’s an unhealthy habit I am desperate to cling to.

This isn’t poetry. It’s anxious rambling. It’s tears at 3am because I feel lost and afraid and sad and alone and I don’t know who to tell about it
It’s heartbreak and lust because I have no one to admit it to
It’s yearning for memories that I don’t know who to share with
It’s my diary pretending to be free verse; except it’s not an act, it’s simply a lie

There is nothing poetic about my work .It has no style or rhythm. But it’s the only way I know how to express my emotion any more... and I’m losing touch even with this.

I don’t know who I am anymore

I got the first D (3 of them) of my life last semester and now I’m afraid to go back to school
I’m afraid I’m a fraud. A scam. I don’t see why anyone should trust me or believe in me. I don’t know how my parents can still call themselves proud after the **** I pulled

I’m trying to be hopeful. Trying so hard to believe I can be something better, but everyday I find it harder and harder to will myself out of bed. Harder and harder to even try. I shower later and later in the day, always in the afternoon.

Unemployment doesn't suit me. But to go to work right now feels foolish.

I have a crush on what could be my best shot at the one.
But I can’t do anything about it because I am a wreck.

I am can’t sleep during the night, shower in the afternoon, losing myself to tumblr, spontaneously crying, hasn’t seen the light in weeks, $400 in debt, unemployed, unprepared, wrecked.

I am lost, and worn and tired and hopeless and I can’t make a move now because I can’t even stand on my own two feet. Hell I can’t even get out of bed, how am I supposed to date?
There is value in struggling through a derivation for the formula. What I mean to say is I think there is value in learning how to claw your way back from the dark. And I know I don’t have to do this alone, but also I think I need to do most of it. All of it, all of the clawing and fighting, any support should come in the form of encouragement.
But I refuse to use someone else as the crutch or the lifeline to get me through. Because then I have not struggled and have then not grown and have not then gotten stronger.
And so I can’t date him. Not now, not yet, and I’m so ****** at the timing of it.
**** it- I think- caution to the wind, love with abandon.
Yes but what about me? How can I take care of me? No. I can’t do anything until I can stand on my own two feet again.

God I miss that. I miss the pride I had in myself and the happiness I had at just being able to see blue sky, every day. I am torn between I love who I was and I hate who I am. I’m torn between I can come back from this and being afraid that I will never be enough to come back from this. That it's over
And that’s nonsense, I know that, but ****. I’m so afraid. Maybe I am less than I thought I was. Maybe I’ve always been less than I thought I was. But maybe I’m just less than what I used to be. Which is worse?


Anyway... I keep thinking its a switch that I can just click be better.
But It doesn’t work like that and I genuinely don’t know my way back.
I don’t.
I’ve tried every trick I know,  I did everything I could to keep this from happening and yet.

I am can’t sleep during the night, shower in the afternoon, losing myself to tumblr, spontaneously crying, hasn’t seen the light in weeks, $400 in debt, unemployed, unprepared, wrecked and I don’t know who to tell about it.

So. Here you go. Listen to my pathetic rant, my cry for help. I jettison this letter out knowing it falls on deaf ears. Deaf ears, but not blind eyes. I know when I publish this people will see me. They will see my pain and, I’m not asking for help, but at least they will see me, they will see my struggle and I will know I’m not alone.

This is the bravest I have ever been, and what does that mean? I am a coward.

I am not a poet. Never have been, and everyday I become less of one. So, thank you, for making it to the end of this abomination.

You know that album?
By Linkin Park, the last one?
"One more light" is just too ******* fitting
For this show I see from where I am sitting

Every title and every track
Brings all the sadness back
Between Chester and you, I've come to decide
All this album makes me think of is suicide.

Whatever
I sigh
Rolling my eyes
And laughing inside

"Don't whatever me"
You glare with a smile only I can see
Whatever, you say to me
And again I roll my eyes, with glee

I turn to you
Staring deep into your eyes of blue
What... Ever.... I spell out for you
And you shoot me a glance I knew

It's like our inside joke
Our all good to go
It feels like cheating
To say whatever
To any other guy

It's ruined
Now and Forever
I always think of YOU
When I say Whatever

1 am escapades
Riding up and down escalate
Er, sorry wrong floor
I can't think straight anymore

Trampolines and duckies
Don't you find it lucky
All these adventures we share
In the dark without a care

Walmart and bowling
Always ice-cream coning
Sunsets and rain checks
On dates with other picks

Theatres to parking lots
Parking lots, we talk a lot
Home at last
What time has passed

Never quite alone
Always on the phone
Always wishing and potting
For our next star spotting
All these memories shared in peace

When "we saw brilliance" while "the world was asleep"

There are a million moments
I wish to spend with you
A million moments
I missed with you

Every faded sunset and
Every single drop of rain
Every star we have yet to see and
Every moon to be admired

I just want to remind you that
The world is wonderful and
I want to share it with you
Every moment of it

"Tell me what I gotta do"
"There's no getting through to you"
No matter how hard I try
You're holding back and I don't know why

"You say I can't understand"
"But you're not giving me a chance"
To listen, to help, to love you, to dance
Every time I get closer
You run from the exposure

"You keep running like the sky is falling"
But really it's just me, with your name I'm calling
I've bled myself open with honest truths
Now "tell me how to fall in love with you the way you want me to"

Quit hiding from me,
All I want to do
Is care for you,
Intimately

Let me care
You've seen me so bare
This burden we can share
It's hardly fair
Why aren't you there?

You always told me to think of the stars
But tonight when I looked up to the sky
All I could see was the bright shining moon
And I took it for a sign

You painted the sun, and I the moon
Those were the roles we chose to consume
We always admired the stars, together
But tonight only the moon chose to shine

Only I was visible in the sky
Selfishly and greedily capturing the eye
All for it’s self, all for me
No other other-worldly distraction to share with

Perhaps it is time
I focused once more on myself
Less on the you, less on the us
And more on the me, the moon

I was looking for a thought
And look, here I have found it
Down at the bottom of this bottle
That made me forgot
How ironic that this is where it’d be

The thought of you
I tried to bury
Beneath all the ***** and Hennessey

But look, here it is anyway
How persistent
I might have forgotten
Maybe for only a minute

But here it is again,
At the bottom of this bottle
Of all the drink to make me forget
Just brings you back up as my final regret

I am looking for a thought
I lost it when
I looked into those eyes
A brilliant blue
So deep I caught
Myself swimming
In that icy hue
Along with all every thought
I had swirling by me
Washed away by that view
And suddenly my mind was swimming
Swimming with the thought of you

I was swimming in your eyes
Swimming Swimming
All my thoughts
Swimming by

When you caught my stare
You did declare
Something I couldn’t quite catch
I reeled myself back to reality
But my thoughts were still swimming
Trying to catch up with me

My thought resurfaced
I found it at last
I was only coming over
To ask for your pencil, real fast?

I am looking for a thought
I lost it when I looked into
Those brilliant blue eyes of yours
So deep
I found myself swimming
In their color along with
Every thought I had swirling by me
My mind was swimming with the thought of you
I was swimming in your eyes
Swimming Swimming
All my thoughts
Swimming by

When you caught my stare
You did declare
Something I couldn’t quite catch
I reeled myself back to reality
But my thoughts were still swimming
Trying to catch up with me

My thought resurfaced
I found it at last
I was only coming over
To ask for your pencil, real fast?

I'm trying to play it cool
but I can't help holding my breath
and playing the fool

The way his fingers traversed my spine
How his hand sidled into mine
He gently tugged (pulled) at my skin
Urgently trying to get it

His gentle but firm embrace
And light caressing of my face
His loving touch traveled
From lip to hip he unraveled
Me into ribbons, tightly bound round his ribs and
Arms seeking his neck
Bound tightly like an anchored wreck

As I was held he swelled
With pride and his touch
Kept me giddy inside

Such powerful emotion
Provoked in
Such an innocent way
No hand went astray
No wandering lips or kisses
No disgusted dismissives

In a silent seat
An unspoken treat unf kded in me, his love so pure and so clean

How he secured me by his side
So loving I could have died

An overreaction- perhaps
But I've felt no greater satisfaction

Than resting in the arms
Of my lover who will never read these yarns

Our love it sparks, it flames, it flickers, it fades.
And sparks back up again

Beautiful and sleek,
Brilliant and bleak,
the future looms on.

I drink and drink
So I don't have to think
I drink and drink to the brink

I drink and drink
To hide the pain
Now I write, slain in ink
Soaked in my blood
You wash down the sink

As you wash me down the drain
And rush out to the funeral rain
You understand the pain

Of why I drink and drink
So I don't have to think

Isn't it funny how we describe our greatest rushes with words of terror
Our most exhilarating moments, with stopped or pounding hearts, held breath and fear
Isn't it funny how we feel most alive so close to death
Isn't it funny how the things we love can hurt us the most
Isn't it funny that you, my love
Could deal my final blow.

There are few things I truly love in this world

I love the mountain tops when the sun sets beneath them

I love the ocean when it crashes and cries on the shore

I love the trees in the forest when they are green and full of life

I love the air when it's pure and fragrant with springtime perfume

I love my dogs when they come racing by to be pet

I love my family when they get together for crazy afternoons

I love myself when I stand tall confident and beautiful

I love how you grasp my hand when we walk

I love how you kiss the tears off my face when I've broken down

I love how your arms wrap around me when I need your strength

I love how you make me feel whole when I am empty

I love you when you come into my life and bring me joy

I love all that you are when you're you

These are the things I love with all my heart

And that includes you

The city before 6am.
Frozen. Abandoned. Empty.
If you are up early enough there's not a soul left for miles.
Just a creeping silence that's not even silent; but oddly alive with bird calls and wind whistles.
Oh the conversations you can have with the world before 6am.
The wind stirs it's way past every sleepy shop and household telling it's own haunting stories.
Plays with the trash and the flags on the street and they dance with a heart of their own.
I like this. Being witness to the waking of the world.
Slowly the dawn of grey shrinks back from the oncoming storm of colors; pinks and yellows and oranges gradually growing brighter by the second.
And the people begin to peak their heads out; stretch their little bodies and rev up their little minds and soon the streets overfill with busy beings.
Chatty as they are the bird's voices are trampled over with mundane screeches and screams; and the wind's already wheezing tune is diminished down to a mere annoyance.
Suddenly life fills the street in a different way.
The city before 6am.
Frozen. Abandoned. Empty.
At peace.

I have nothing but myself, but I am everything I need

What felt like rain was really earth's tears of sorrow

And every time a storm swept through she felt as though the world received her rage and responded.

Happiness is
Sunday afternoons on my couch
Walks and aimless moments of bliss
All gone now... Ouch

Happiness is
Late night video game campaigns
Reading in those tight arms of his
Worth all the pain

Happiness is
Daydreaming on a sunny day
Getting lost in a gentle kiss
Don't go away...

Happiness is
Your smile, your laughter, your soul
All the time you calle me your Miss
I want it all

Happiness is
To curl together in the shade
Every word that made me breathless
How could it fade...

Happiness was you and me

Lie in silence
Sit on all the words
I have not the courage to say

Staring blankly
Confused and concered
About what the future holds now

I can't let go
Holding on dearly
To this broken relationship

It is not wise
It does not fare well
Better this than being alone

Sorry

I didn't think it would be love
But that's what it became

And now it is a shame
We will never be the same

Memory is too fragile
Too often it forgets the past
All your happiness is faded
Your timeline, unsure and jaded

It remebers the biggest stuff
The "important" events and things
But leaves out intamacy
In the details of legacy

The little day to day gestures,
Moments of bliss are neglected
"Insignifigant" adventure
And all the laughter that they lure

These are the things I want to keep,
What I want memorialized
On my conciousness for ever
All these times we shared together

Precious moments unforgotten
Like the wind tossling my hair
And you sliding it back in place
How you lightly caressed my face

Every breathless time my heart stopped
And butterflies bred at  your touch
Every kiss imprinted in time
The veiws from the mountains we climb

The way we shudder and tremble
And whipser "I Love you" 's with care
The jokes  we shout, the games we play
The songs we sing, the things we say

These fleeting moments are ereased
To make way for pain or glory
Things with ceremony or scars
Not as good as sleeping in cars

Let my legacy be of my
Good times, fun times, small times when I
Made a difference for once and for
The smiles and laughs of my trade floor

I want to remeber these things
The small things that make up our lives
Because they make them all worth more
Than I ever thought before

Dying love
Just too weak
Too far away to remember
I prayed these momories wouldn't fade

Sounds like this sacrafice
Was just a long goodbye
You've tried before
To dissapear

Wrong hands take control of the sweet life
We carried from our
Terrible cradle

You uunderstood the harmony
That exists between us
Mistaken and everlasting
What a majestic trick

Doctors slipping in desperatoin,
Trying to recapture the lives they lost
To limitless disaster

This sinful fee
Isn't worth your hopeless greif
It is no justification
For your imperfections
Let go of your trampled worth
And broken pride
Cannot be saved like
You beleive

Friends barely embrace
I am sorry for your lonely passion
Begging for a kiss

Shame kisses your thoughts
God's will shinging through
The world in a way you never wante

Enjoy the day
Isn't it lovely?
Think of the time we played in the dirt,
How we laught at our game
As the world softly crashed on our innocent character
And plunged us into a bitter nightmare
Not worth waking up to false bliss
In this growing distance between our stares.

I wish you were clear with your intentions so I can look you in the eye and let you see everything I feel.

It's been a while
It's been so long
It feels wrong

What are you?
What have you become?
What are you since I've been gone?

Shall I see growth
Or regression
Is it safe to call that progression

So much is different now
Who am I
To tell you what code to live by

Who am I
To judge your journey
Because at the end you will be worthy

But the return
The return
These painful scars, they burn

To carry these burdens
So far
But back here how usesless they are

The return is never what it seems
No welcome for the hero
Just pain that they must never know

I return to emptiness
Scars and pain no one can heal
I am alone in my battles that no one can feel

So we carry on, drag our feet
As we journey on to places no one has ever been
To things no one else has ever seen

To each his own
Battles to carry
Demons to burry

And we return,
We return to the things we used to know
And find they no longer suit us like they did all that time ago

Where to we go from here?
We only wanted to go home
But home is no longer the place we had known

Where to then?
For heroes at their journey's end?
Is there no place left for them to mend?

The return
The return is never what you dreamed
You come back and more time has passed than had seemed

And the return is painful
But you come and anyway you smile
Because after all that you know it is worth the while

To have left and grown
To witness what you left behind
For the greatness you came to find

The Return
It's been so long
It feels so wrong
But I think this isn't where I belong

Remind me again how we got this far?
I struggle and scream
All I have are these scars

Is this really what I am?
It's not what I wanted to dream
This is far from what I planned

Remind me again what made me begin?
If I had know what would have been...
How will I repent for this sin?

Remind me again how we got this far?
I am miserable, can't you see?
All I ever gained from this are all these scars...

Tell us tell us
Confide in us your tale
Us, we hungry ranvenous reporters
Who scavenge your lines for
Every private inch of you yet
Let us fester and spread in your gossip
Entrust to us your secrets
So we can discard them freely unto the world
The detail, the detail every last bit of it
Tell us tell us, feed our bottomless mouths
Lies and truth they are all the same
Feed us feed us!
Your rumors, we are to blame
And once we have it all
When we are filled, bloated
With your shame and your disgrace
We shuffle on for another victim
To pick at and argue over who gets the juiciest bits.
So trust in us, we harbingers of deceit.
Brings us your secrets
And we will feast

I've grown cold and unused to you
We were two people who shared a bed
That was love, no?
We practiced this cherade for 15 years
We fight, and argue
Each time pushing further apart
Until this cold distance consumed us
Broken into little pieces my heart
Has nothing left to give you
Last time you drank you took my last piece
And I'm through
How can I miss something that was never really there?
Our lives together great
But they grew weathered and faded
Until you dropped out of the race
How could I not see?
This was never meant to be?
I've left you behind dear
I left you long ago
And I'm only tell you this now
Now instead of then because I hoped
Hoped you could see
I was leaving
And chase after me
See what ruin you had caused
And say you were sorry
But you didn't
You kept blowing your path of destruction
And I snuck out between the waves
And I'm telling you now dear
I can't
I loved you once
But darling our love its been dying
Our love its been dead
Goodbye

But what do you mean?
No no no
Please
What's wrong?
What've I done?
I'm sorry
I'm so sorry please
Okay
Yes
Yes
Okay
Goodbye

And in this silence I can feel
Suddenly I am aware of the sounds we take for granted
Like the gossip of the leaves
When they whisper urgently in the wind
Or the way our footsteps beat together in some kind of harmony
With uneven steps and speeds
Somehow the colliding sounds of heel on dirt
Mesh into some beautiful composition of purpose
The cries of the woods
The squirrels and the deer and the rabbits and the wolves
The far off laughter or chatter
Of all the other people we push aside
The humanity of those we try so hard to ignore
All those little sounds
Barely register in our consciousness
But in this silence I can feel them all
Except for you
Except for you, what did you say?

Can you just stand there and let me look at you?
Just wait
As I absorb every detail that makes you what you are
It's a shame to steal glances from your conversation
To merely glance and be reminded of all you stand for
It's a shame I have to remember you from afar
A shame I have to hide my penetrating gaze,
Avert my eyes from being noticed
Bury my admiration for passing fancy
Can't you let me take in your splendor?
Only once
Grant me this limitless window to your being
Let me absorb the devil of your details
And be reminded of our past
Let me see in you what I see
Not the world
But the entity only I can behold
Let me look at you and be reminded of how you've changed me
How you've changed
How we laughed;
How we grew
Wise and knowledgable of each other as siblings
Let me see in you your weaknesses and
Your secrets
And let me see how they make you strong
Let me see your imperfections
And appreciate the designs they build in your character
Let me peel away your fleshy facade
You never could lie to me anyway
And see that cascade of color slosh around in your head
How it runs through your bones
Gives breath and passion to your lungs
How it rushes through your blood
Let me recognize the infinity of your thoughts and understand the depth behind your simple words
Won't you let me stare?
Only for a bit
Only for a while
Only enough to remember who you are to me
Only enough to commit your soul to memory
Oh won't you let me indulge in this intimacy?

Do not confuse my arrogance for confidence
I really am a self-centered ******* who
Has no idea what he's doing
And that's the truth
~ Sincerely
The Anxious Secret

3:30 and you're mad at me
3:31 and I know there is no where I'd rather be
Than with you beneath this blanket
Your arms round my waist, don't you think that
This would be lovely, our gentle kisses
And passionate sighs for forgiveness
Is better than this cold disregard
And arguments of wasted breath?

3:35 and you're not letting me in
Alright then
Guess we'll call it... good?
And pretend to brush it off like mud?
Fine go and do what you will
Even if I can't love you tonight
And you won't give me the chance to fight
I know inside
At 3:45
That there is no one I'd rather be with
With you, my love, until my dying breath.

A dying old man came to sit by the sea; for as long as he can.
A dying old man came to sit by the sea and listen to the waves; for as long as he can.
A dying old man came to sit by the sea, listen to the waves and watch the sunset fade; for as long as he can.
A dying old man came to sit by the sea, listen to the waves, to watch the sunset fade, and to recapture his memories.
He remembered the rock where he and his wife swam.
The ring glinting in his hand.
He remembered their home, just two miles away.
And the sound and feel of ocean spray.
He recalled his first kiss.
And of course his first fish.
He remembered the sweet taste of victory.
And the bitter taste of misery.
He remember his wife, never waking from her sleep.
He recalled his life, which was slowly slipping into a dream.
A dying old man came to sit by the sea to gather his memories; one last time.
To come to watch the sunset fade; one last time.
To listen to the waves; one last time, as they say goodbye.
A dying old man came to sit by the sea, and there he died peacefully.

Hello, I am dying
Dying in soul
I can't stand to live
Never lose your purpose, child, and forgive!

Hello, I am dying
Dying in mind
I have gone crazy
Don't listen to the world, child, wait and see!

Hello, I am dying
Dying in heart
I am too weak now
Remember you're fragile, child, also bow!

Hello, I am dying
Dying at last
Weak, crazy, hopless
Don't forget your hopes... dreams... child. Keep your bliss!

Hello, I am dying
Softly I go
Goodbye, dear sweet child
Dream, love, run, create, cry, child, live your life
And die.

My brother is a wolf pup
Strong and great if well bred
He knows not but the hand that feeds him
And walks to the hunter to be fed
He is new to the wild, but still the hunter smiles
And takes him to the table
To be eaten instead

The sun glistening off the water
Water shining off the surface
The clarity of it all gleaming against the mountainous back drop
So grand
And it exists

Tan chapped bodies littered out across the beach
Sprawled across the sand, hot on their backs, the sun warm on their face
Soaking up the radiation to warm their water chilled bones
Crippled, painful walks, they hobble back to the chariots that bore them here
Careful padded movements to soothe their aching skin
Raw and sensitively hurt, they bear the rocky path home
And finally I am alone