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I met you the day that I was set free.
I traveled miles to be as far away from home as possible,
And here I was, in the city with people that I barely knew,
With memories that I have yet to make.

I knew your name after a week.
I knew your routine after a month.
I knew your anatomy after the 3rd month.
I knew your past on the 5th.
And I knew all about you by the time we reached the 9th.

I have no idea how I lost my love for rock music
and Marlboro reds.
One afternoon, I found myself next to you
and that’s when I lost my past.
Maybe, I said.
maybe we should’ve been together.

Believe me when I say that I want to take the eight years back.
And I will take them back with a kiss on your forehead and
Coffee sips on our favorite coffee shop.
I will take them back with photographs of our first gig,
And fights that we didn’t think we’ll get through together.
Today, my mother bought me a shirt and it smells just like you.

I went straight to the past, back on our first date.
You told me you’re taking me somewhere.
You told me you will apologize to my mom.
You told me I was beautiful,
And it was so honest it hurts.

I learned that two years is not enough to know a person.
It’s not enough to have the assurance
that they will not put one foot out the door.

It’s been two years since I last saw you.
And I have a message from the girl who is not good enough.
She said she hopes you’re happy.

And she hopes that you die old and sad.
The day you left,
I went home and took a shower.
I cleaned every inch of me that screams your name.
I burned all the spaces you accidentally touched.

I asked myself why I keep on falling for men who has the same reaction when I told them my joke about lawsuits.
And why do I keep on hanging out with people who has the same taste in beer and marvel movies.

I have set myself on fire and
I'm contemplating how to get away with it.
I got a little shaken when I read the words "Should have" in the parking lot.
for the first time in five months,
I'm tempted to light a cigarette.

You were talking about tables and I'm thinking about what to write on the wall of the washroom.
I have this habit of leaving post-it notes on places where it shouldn't belong.
And by the end of the night I wrote down
"I'm glad I wore two necklaces tonight".

I was browsing Quora and someone asked how people accidentally **** themselves.

I answered in nine words:
"You need eight glasses of gin and some vulnerability”
I was 14 years old when I learned resilience
My mom was sitting in the garage,
I can't see her eyes in the dark.
"It's okay to crumble at night, young lady.
But make **** sure you snap it all back together in the morning."

I was 19 and heartbroken for the first time.
My mother lighted my cigarette.
"The next time someone told you they love you just because you're pretty, show them your darkness and tell them to go **** themselves."

I was 23 and wondering if I'm worth it.
My mom showed me a baby picture of me.
"Your Papa wasn't there when you we're born,
I was in that ******* labor room and I was alone.
and that's when I know that I don't need any man to feel powerful."
I met a man yesterday.
He said something about eagles in Thailand.
and how your first love has a 90% chance of betraying you.

"tell me something I don't know"
"you're weird."
"tell me something I don't know"
"what happened to your eyes?"
"what happened to my eyes?"
"they don't have depth"

"tell me something I don't know"

he told me again that there's a 90% chance your first love will betray you.
I looked at this bright-eyed man and thought he doesn't know anything about me.
And I was struck by the colors of his eyes.
It's amber.
four or maybe six different shades of amber.

It's the color of autumn in New England,
It's the color of fire that's not too hot nor too bland.
It's the color of sunset in the Grand Canyon.
It's the color of the words, "Welcome home."

"There's a 90% chance that your first love will betray you."

My eyes are burning.

"But there's a 100% chance that it will get better."

My hands are shaking.

"All you have to do is let him go."

seven years.
*******.

"Put an end to everything that hurts."
Remember that afternoon?
You were smoking your Winston and you told me that I have this weird type of charm.

And we're kinda sad because we have to hide our hands again the next day. We have to hide our photos,
we have to hide our words.

I remember you saying you'll commit when you're ready,
you just need time to figure things out.

I didn't question your reasons.
I didn't asked you why or how is that even possible if you love someone.

And the moment you left three years later, you said the exact same thing.

This town never changed since that afternoon.

But we did.
I wish we could go back to day 0.
And I wish I knew that you're just a boy,
whose promises are always broken.

In an alternate universe,
I hope we were given a chance to be strangers again,
I hope we we're given the chance to heal.
You will show up when we meet.
And it won't hurt as much as it does today.
Maybe this lifetime isn't ours. Maybe we met too soon. But I know the Universe has its reasons. I hope you're happy with your choices.
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