I met you the day that I was set free. I traveled miles to be as far away from home as possible, And here I was, in the city with people that I barely knew, With memories that I have yet to make.
I knew your name after a week. I knew your routine after a month. I knew your anatomy after the 3rd month. I knew your past on the 5th. And I knew all about you by the time we reached the 9th.
I have no idea how I lost my love for rock music and Marlboro reds. One afternoon, I found myself next to you and that’s when I lost my past. Maybe, I said. maybe we should’ve been together.
Believe me when I say that I want to take the eight years back. And I will take them back with a kiss on your forehead and Coffee sips on our favorite coffee shop. I will take them back with photographs of our first gig, And fights that we didn’t think we’ll get through together.
The day you left, I went home and took a shower. I cleaned every inch of me that screams your name. I burned all the spaces you accidentally touched.
I asked myself why I keep on falling for men who has the same reaction when I told them my joke about lawsuits. And why do I keep on hanging out with people who has the same taste in beer and marvel movies.
I have set myself on fire and I'm contemplating how to get away with it. I got a little shaken when I read the words "Should have" in the parking lot. for the first time in five months, I'm tempted to light a cigarette.
You were talking about tables and I'm thinking about what to write on the wall of the washroom. I have this habit of leaving post-it notes on places where it shouldn't belong. And by the end of the night I wrote down "I'm glad I wore two necklaces tonight".
I was browsing Quora and someone asked how people accidentally **** themselves.
I answered in nine words: "You need eight glasses of gin and some vulnerability”
I was 14 years old when I learned resilience My mom was sitting in the garage, I can't see her eyes in the dark. "It's okay to crumble at night, young lady. But make **** sure you snap it all back together in the morning."
I was 19 and heartbroken for the first time. My mother lighted my cigarette. "The next time someone told you they love you just because you're pretty, show them your darkness and tell them to go **** themselves."
I was 23 and wondering if I'm worth it. My mom showed me a baby picture of me. "Your Papa wasn't there when you we're born, I was in that ******* labor room and I was alone. and that's when I know that I don't need any man to feel powerful."
I met a man yesterday. He said something about eagles in Thailand. and how your first love has a 90% chance of betraying you.
"tell me something I don't know" "you're weird." "tell me something I don't know" "what happened to your eyes?" "what happened to my eyes?" "they don't have depth"
"tell me something I don't know"
he told me again that there's a 90% chance your first love will betray you. I looked at this bright-eyed man and thought he doesn't know anything about me. And I was struck by the colors of his eyes. It's amber. four or maybe six different shades of amber.
It's the color of autumn in New England, It's the color of fire that's not too hot nor too bland. It's the color of sunset in the Grand Canyon. It's the color of the words, "Welcome home."
"There's a 90% chance that your first love will betray you."
My eyes are burning.
"But there's a 100% chance that it will get better."