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I called my mom to tell her I'm doing okay.
I did my laundry. I had my weekly groceries in check.
I bought plants and hung them over my balcony.
I told her it keeps me from jumping over.

Yesterday, I removed all the men I've loved from my contact list.
I took the wine glasses out of the cupboard.
It doesn't feel incredibly lonely anymore.
The knives are not hidden from the kitchen counter.
The pills are not calling my name.

Love has many different forms, I realized that.
as I look at the night sky,
with my fancy wine,
and plants hanging over my balcony,

I'm glad I'm alive.
This city has a bad habit of making time flies.
But now that you're not here,
days feels like weeks and weeks feels like months.
I tried to be busy.
I buried myself at work,
I begged my mind to not be idle.
I've changed the ceramics in my apartment.
I went to my mother's place for a week.
I've thrown every last bit of your cigarette butts in my ashtray.
But your memories still knocks on my door.
And this is when the feeling sinks in. I don't want to miss you like this. Come back, be here.
And when everything quiets down,
when the dirt settled at the bottom of the jar,
you start to crawl your way inside my mind.
the familiar temperature.
the warm feeling of yellow.

And the pain continues.
I saw the real you while you were looking at the sunset.

But before that,
You're just an ordinary man,
smoking in a non-smoking zone at 3AM.
You are like this poem,
rough around the edges,
trying to say one thing after another
trying to contain his feelings in a limited number of words.

You told me I'm your little sky in Spanish
You told me I'm a demon made woman in English
How many language barrier do we have to cross to understand each other?
It doesn't matter.
It doesn't matter.
When you call my name in every language, I will answer.
When I lost you in every country, I will find you.

We use our bodies as tools to get what we want out of each other.
You asked me once what I wanted.

As the sun sets in the South China Sea,
and its golden rays are reflected from your eyes,
It took me 57 cities to finally find it.

I know that the only world we've ever known
is of lonely travelers and worn out backpacks.
But while we we're miles away from what is comfortable,
The universe already made its move.

I'm never good at gambling,
but maybe we can give this a chance.
I don't wanna look at anything else now that I saw you. I don't wanna think of anything else now that I thought of you
Nothing good ever comes up with something so beautiful.

I heard they found a fossil on Mars,
impossible things are beginning to happen.
Soon enough, we will gloriously collapse and crumble
and the ashes will turn into gold,
and the only thing I'll remember
is the sound of your heartbeat
and the flashing pair of cinnamon eyes,
over the bar's blinking lights.

You are the epitome of every single thing I'm afraid of.
You break things because you don't know how to take care of them.
And I said I've been broken for too long,
I won't be the window anymore,
I will be the stone.

But you we're smiling when you kissed me.
We break each other until we're happy
we hurt each other and call it love.
Our love smolders and it was so beautiful.
I'm trying to find the right metaphor for the storm
but I ended up mumbling your name.
I can hear your bones break like thunder.
I can hear your cries against my windowpane,
thousands of miles from where you are.

You never thought I would stop running but I did.
I still remember the day when you beg my heart to settle down.
I still remember our little dance in the terrace,
two young people in the night,
experiencing forever in twelve hours.

You were the reason why I feel sad over the sound
of singing cicadas and heartbeats.
You were the reason why I stop leaving things unfinished.

Last night, a friend called and told me how you're doing.
I wonder if your scars still hurt when it's six degrees outside.
I want to cover your shoulder with words and moonlight until it softens.
Until you stop putting your hand on your chest at 2AM to keep it from howling.

I don't remember what type of storm you are anymore,
But I still remember you when it rains.
mulberry tea and half a slice of orange. Our forever ended seven years ago but I still remember you when it rains.
I found myself running after you in the middle of the night,
holding my heart together and shoving it in your rib cage.
I didn't noticed the contrast of your bruises.
You declared a war when it hurts way too much.
And I remember seeing the depth of hazel in your iris.

I've decided to build a great wall for the wars to come.
I let my anger smolder.

But my wall crumbled right after I built it.
It was the brightest time of the day.
I tried to hold it up with both of my hands,
but bricks became sands and sands became sea,
and I drowned.

The pain I felt was my own doing.
love is something that can't be forced.
I dropped my double edged sword in the ruins of my wall.
Vines are growing on my fingernails.
Wildflowers are sprouting from the back of my ears.

I am not looking for answers anymore but I heard it.
It says, "this is how you grow."
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