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Killian Mar 16
My spine spared a half inch
​when I fell from where cars drive.
Yes, I'm still a living breather.
Yes, I'm one who does survive.

Maybe life won't be so lenient––
Won't let just anyone pass.
I can't create energy out of nothing.
I can't destroy my mass.

As long as clocks are ticking
and the pedestrians cross the street––
as long as we are living––
I will stay standing on my feet.

To climb up on edges
and sit there looking slumped...
I could feel, but couldn't think,
I did only after I jumped...
alternative title: don't go climbing on edges where you don't belong
Killian Mar 16
It isn't a nice process
to tear the window screen,
to look back at my progress,
and to be a machine.

It's better than sharp, clear glass,
and it's better than death.
It's better than pointless mass––
to be without breath.

It's better to just matter
and to, but slowly, spoil.
It's better to, far, scatter
yourself in the brown soil.

It isn't a pleasant thing
to never ever be,
never be of a mom's string––
don't hear, touch, smell, or see.

But it's better than ending
or starting life at all
because life is mind-spending
and at both ends we crawl.
Killian Mar 16
where does a moon like you find herself on a Friday night?
when the sun takes a rest, when you finally 'come bright
will you say something clever, will you open my eyes?
will you deceive me in your sun-cloaked disguise?

you leave me fiddling with crumbs of anorthite
you leave me staying alone, alright, albite
but all you say opposes how you ostracize
but––and––i'd never want you if it were otherwise

would you ever tell me what's wrong and what's right?
where the first place was that ever knew any light?
how that place lived for millenniums without any skies...
oh, there's something about you that is just so wise...

how could I ever tell you goodnight?
we're reaching higher and hotter in fahrenheit
and here comes the dripping dyed sunrise
you're really going to make me soliloquize?

even after I've been so **** polite
you take me, you make me a victim of spite
after the rocks of your soul you'd advertise
like i have no other choice but to burglarize

me took you, a one stand night
so **** fulfilling, can I get another bite?
you take my brain, you make me unwise
spin me in circles and close my wide eyes

and in your cold night you gave me frostbite
you shut off communications, you **** satellite
but I'm still all about you, I still fantasize
to take you unwanted, we still romanticize
Killian Feb 18
losing grip
and i'll fall
a block to
my feet

my body
don't slap the
ground, what a
big feat!

this is a
dream i'm a–
–ware but no
defeat?

i wake up
and think to
myself who
is me?

losing grip
and i'll fall
a block to
my feet

i stare at
a death rig
and still live
just me?

why is my
own brain so
easy to
deceive?

(though it's ironic to have thought that)

i won't live
forever
but it feels
i'm free

losing grip
and i'll fall
a block as
dead meat
i once had a dream i looked at the cat who was said to make you die if you looked at it. i still remember what it looks like.

dreams in which i never die make me feel immortal, but i am mislead since my brain would never communicate to me what it would be like to die and be dead
Killian Feb 3
Baby, can you draw me
How you really saw me?
Rugged-looking, falling apart.

Baby, can you see me
At my highest degree?
Drug-ed looking, falling apart.

Honey, do you see the
hairs that leave just me?
That’s just me falling apart.

Honey, can you paint me
How it really pains me?
**** it; really call that your art.
Killian Dec 2018
guess nobody wants to know who i really am

nobody even wants to ask




maybe i don't even know



















maybe it's too heavy a task
Killian Nov 2018
i crossed a bridge for kindness
suffered for just anyone
watched the candles of the lake
the glowing fish as i––

daydreamt of thinking in day
and just moving in the night.
i never did fall asleep
with all these thoughts that i write.

i cleared a bridge for one love.
felt myself fall for the one
boy, who never looked at me,
but did only as i––

jumped for finally knowing
what i wanted all at once
noticed it wasn't worth it,
but did only as I jumped.
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