I have no excuses for all of my abuses
I'm afraid to get close to you
Cuz' I can't say no to you.
We have been apart for so long
Hiding feelings so strong
Every time you get close, I push you away
Cuz' I know I'd fall in love with you again
Even if it was just for one day
I am so tempted but then I retreat
But missing you is no easy feat
Think of you often as I like to do
Wishing and wishing for just one day with you
So one day I hope you ask
Cuz' I can't say no to you...
© Karl V. (2017)
I've heard a lot about heart break being at 3am, insomniac nights filled with silently sobbing into pillows and when sleep finally comes, it is only greeted with stabs of loneliness when the cold realization floods in that you are waking up alone.
But they forget to mention that it happens walking down the middle of the sidewalk at 2pm when you're supposed to meet a friend for coffee and you see a face that's a distorted version of his because your heart is so desperate for him that it starts to try to find him in strangers.
They don't tell you that it happens six months later when you're starting to feel good again and you accidentally hear that he's dating someone new and it sends you spiraling down into the crushing weight that he doesn't love you anymore and suddenly you're not eating again and the man who works at the liquor store makes a comment about your drinking habits.
No one talks about it happening when you start falling in love with someone else and you're sorting through your computer and stumble across the album of pictures of him that you haven't looked at since the breakup a year ago and you think you're strong enough to see his face and you realize how desperately you loved him but it still wasn't enough for him to stay.
People fail to say that it happens at your best moments when you are so full of life and love and joy that all that can radiate from your smile is the strength that conquered demons and you see all the beauty that is around you and you remember the person that you always wanted to share this moment with has decided he wants nothing to do with you anymore.
She's beautiful, confident and playful
Dimples on plump cheeks and a memorable smile
She's bubbly, funny and cheerful
A girl who can woe a crowd with her wit and humour
She's smart, intelligent and disciplined
A straight A student, no stranger to hardwork
She has curves in all the right places
and one of those rare pretty faces
I am small, short and just simply petite
A girl with crooked teeth, long toes and facial scars
Im sombre, quiet and slightly melancholic
A girl who failed maths twice and almost quit school once
Im buddies with stuffed bears and she's got friends who are always there
She has the make-up, clothes and nails but sometimes my dress-ups are epic fails
Im no match for her but I kinda hope you dont care
That maybe you'll like me inspite of me
So in the words of Meredith Grey
Pick me, Choose me, Love me!
I started leaving the door open for you.
I started to write and live honestly.
Endless nights spent chasing
another song of defeat
across the ashtray
forgetting my own words:
you can create art out of suffering;
you should never create suffering for art.
I started waiting for you.
I started to notice the decline of my moods
coincided with sublime precision to your
tail-lights in the distance.
I had forgotten my own words:
suffering may be borne out of love;
love should not be borne out of suffering.
I started leaving the door open for you.
I started to expose each sleepless night
and commonplace hangover
as a symptom of a malady
and not a way of life.
You helped me to recall
peace arrives once the war has ended.
For peace, you do not have to fight.
You always ask me why,
it's so hard for me to get close.
But when I actually try,
I lose my fingers and my toes.
I hate giving my all
and getting nothing in return.
And that's why I build my wall,
before I crash and burn.
Its a funny kind of weird seeing you with someone else
There are painted fingers now where my palm used to rest,
beautiful curls where this head used to lie
Its a funny kind of awkward walking past you now
Always thought it would be me there...right beside you
Its a funny kind of awkward living without you now
You're just another person moving on without me