26/F/USA Hi, Y'all.
Main reason I started writing was when I was 17 years old, Old enough to catch on to things & young enough Not to UNDERSTAND and being one full of emotions I've found poetry!! This is my sanctuary.
Grow up with me~ 13 followers / 3.1k words
In the beginning our relationship was good. We'd give each other space when needed. Things changed when I got married for the wrong reasons. Things changed when we moved in with each other. You bacame bitter at each passing day. Things changed I guess along time ago. I didn't pay attention. I was alone in this world. you've never shown me you cared except for the beginning. I did notice when things changed but I was desperate to keep the relationship! The friendship! It became only I was fighting. You only fought when it was convinced you. When I wanted space You would say I'm abandoning you. You'd abuse me psychologically You'd say you care But did you I never faught back because I valued our histories friendship I should have let you go along time ago. Then you'd hate me less. You never believed me. You always daubted me . Yes you never curssed at me! You would know how to hurt me. I am glad I met you old friend. I am sorry that we parted this way. Sadly this can never be undone. Thanks for the 7 years that I've known you. Ive learned a lot while claiming to be your sister since to YOU I never was. I was a broken recored you say. And that I only take **** from those who hurt me.. Did you ever wonder you gave me **** too. The only difference between everyone and you was... You knew me but you hurt me more than anyone else You'd always throw **** back at my face You'd always try to provoke me That **** don't make me stronger It just makes me wonder what your trying to accomplish Those things made me think about somethings. When I go through things I started to leave you out of it cuz you'd hurt me more than the problem I didn't want to hurt you with my pain. So I avoided it Ive stop bring u my problems But that didn't stop you from getting tired and walking away. I can be a mean ***** too I just don't have it in me to fight you. 7 years huh when did we get here. I hope your happy. I hope you don't regret your choice. That you don't want to have anything to do with me. I do forgive you.
Its the safest place on earth! Created by my scares, Warped me inside a black box. Looking at the outside, Right from the inside. Always dreaming to be saved. Who will? No one's in my shadow, Even though I am surrounded by "guardians" It is only an illusion Reality sets in every morning. I keep self-hating, keep self-hurting & I pray every day to be protected. Hidden from the darkest corners of this world. I know that if I keep pushing back, something will give in. Why do I still feel like this? Why do I feel like I need to prove something? What am I missing? I keep racking my brain to come up with something. I've got too much on my plate now to worry about this Now I'll just stay inside and never step out looking out from within!
Everyone got some type of dark past, to Heal best is to understand everything from your pain. come to accept the pain and start LOVING your self, for those who aren't in your life or choose not to. Well, that's on them not you and ONCE you understand that then You too will learn. To strive for your success. your guardian angles really do protect you in their own special way but you've got to recognize that. I had No one in my corner because everyone always had their own agenda but I was protected by God and it took me a very long time to be here, I am still alive and still pushing back!
When I met you i didn't notice the change that was taking place I didn't feel what I feel now. Its been 3 days since I last met you My heart feel relaxed to an far exceeded way. The chemical reaction got my blood flowing. When I am with you I am so happy I can't comprehend When I am beside you I forget the world and I only see you. I keep you at my gaze I am so mesmerized I feel I have all the time in world you. When you kiss my lips Time stops, heart rate goes up I only see you. I would have been by self forever if I hadn't met you when I did. I can't exactly tell you how you make me feel. When I understood these feelings I was already thinking about our future Its so clear to me I should be sleeping right now Ive been thinking about you I forgotten to fall as sleep And here we are. Ive barely been sure about many things. I'm sure how you make me feel Its real and your worth me taking my time with you. I miss you for as many times I'm not right beside you. When I hug you every Time Times stops for a moment and I can hear my heart berating hard.
These females always giving demands. Like who are you to me? To go out of your time and day to bother someone. You've got some itch to scratch called BS drama. Ive got NO time to WASTE on you Because your not worth getting mad over Your not obliged. Move around or GTFOMF I will rise above as the lord knows it. Sense you cant comprehend my words I'll just walk away Because ******* JeAlous!!
I've locked up my feelings Put them in a box and threw the keys away. During the time I didn't know that I'd loose all ****** desires as well *** is part of life. so ill get some from time to time I don't feel anything at all tho Its a bit sad tbh But that's okay I don't have time for Temperary love that leaves me broken every time I'll just wait for the one that finds those keys again. I am a pervert at heart I do enjulge myself with watching "films" Its not different from normal TV. Watching foolish ppl find temp feeling that only lasts for a little while really bores I like myself a man who can captivate me and keep me guessing. I'm very passionate. I can keep up just fine I am not looking for him He can find me Cuz I'm tired of getting hurt With all the wrong people Each one who comes my way Says the same **** " I am not like the other" My answer at end is " **** ends the same way anyways"
I felt empty where ever I went there were not footsteps left behind I felt as if I didn't even exist and I didn't then... I was walking around soulless drowning in my sorrows, drowning in despair. life was as it was! A ghost had a better chance of living. I was alive but dead inside. The drugs made me feel. Sometimes I'd numb that out too I wished for a hangover since I could never get one. I would go clubbing and lose myself in the music I love dancing, but swinging left and right Id just stop find a corner and just pretend that I cared drowned me in some patron. I'd go to weddings with friends and during that cute moment ( slow dancing). I'd be smiling whiling crying on the inside ( truly was a beautiful moment). Im just too heartbroken.
I miss watching the universe when all of the cities lights are dimmed Silence, one would assume instead we gain the truth beyond the clouds with the neighborhood all bright its like its daybreak all over again it takes me a moment to understand this Am I dreaming? I look up following the light coming from the sky Beautiful, Instantly I am mesmerized I can see the universe, I thought.