Now that I am high, I don't ever plan on coming down.
From what I am told highs don't last forever.
If this feeling ever fades I don't know what I'll do.
I couldn't begin to imagine another night of sobriety.
A night spent away from what I've come to know as normal.
Something done randomly, something that's become habit.
Given time.
I don't think I could go back to the way I once was.
Something held close. Revealing the fact that nothing is as perfect as we could imagine it.
The moments I feel myself floating with closed eyes.
Picturing myself falling in love.
Now that I am high I feel that I am free-falling.
Finally jumping from the ledge I've known for so long.
A sudden pause from anything momentary.
The everlasting effect of something I've never felt. Being high.
Most highs don't last forever from what I've been told.
Always chasing something to compensate what was once felt.
My first reaction was to jump from the ledge of the couch and hit the floor face first.
Which was what I did. Not entirely my plan but it worked.
Choosing to stay here and seek nothing outside of what I already felt.
Leaving my sobriety anywhere but here.
A kind of reserve stashed away for safe keeping.
Not in the sense of smoking or anything that could be ingested
I suppose I took a piece of your heart and hid it where only I could find it.
But only when I jump from the ledge of the couch and end up face first on the floor.
Somewhere I know you can't find it.
I guess this high could be considered love.
A funny thing, love.
Four simple letters that could create so much devastation,
or bliss.
Love a whirlwind of emotion that takes everything then tosses it up without care how it lands.
A crazy thing, being sober in the midst of love.
Four simple letters packaged and distributed as something sweet, delicious.
Most commonly referred to as munchies.
Devouring everything in sight.
A buffet of need wrapped airtight in urgency.
Next time I sit on the floor I think I'll invite you.
But only for another piece of your heart.
Verballing from the ledge of the couch.
Only to land face first on the floor once again.
Love such a crazy thing

Each morning she welcomes me into her world.
The best part about it.
I am always glad I came, watching her pat her hand on a reserved spot inviting me to sit beside her.
A motivation for tired legs,
Our eyes resting after a light jog, over by the park bench.
Slowly watching our faith in each other raise from behind the clouds.
In due time I am drenched in the way that she makes me feel.
Even when we go our separate ways she is always there

I deliberately stained my lips with the edible arrangement of her heart,
Savoring the hint of love

Each morning she grants me the unique privilege of providing a smile on her face
I know quite a bit about the simple things.
To watch her walk in and delight herself with the croissant of open lips
A splash or two of milk painting her smile.
I just might have to bring her breakfast one day
Just to return the favor

There is a sense of forever that's hidden in your eyes.
A sense that no matter how much time will pass.
A promise that no matter how random the thought.
That somehow, you will always be there.
That same funny laugh, that devious smirk that lets me know
that your about to do something silly.
No matter how much time shall pass.
It will always be there to take my mind off of what ever is going on.

And on the day she left,
Nothing needed to be said, I immediately felt her absence.
At that exact moment I felt my heart drop,
Falling miles away from where we once stood.
Watching my heart drop from my chest cracking against the floor.
The thought of no longer being able to hold her in my arms
Or being the first person she called when something went wrong.
It was at those moments when she was truly able to express how she truly felt.
It was those moments I truly knew what it was like to be needed.
Dropping everything, holding her in my arms.
On the day she left I was truly devastated.
Already seeing her smile disappear from view.
Sometimes thoughts get the better of us, but I could never understand why
in those moments.
We often say things we don't mean or act irrational when really and truly 
we just need reassurance that everything will be okay.
No overdrawn explanation, no deep reasoning.
Just a caress that says everything that needs to be said.
The power a simple hug can provide. The grasp of someone you love
to take the pain away.
And on the day that she left, I no longer saw the same her.
Walking off in the distance

Once I hated you,
Without understanding the full reason of hating you.
For unexplainable reasons you were always there.
The very same shoulder I leaned my head against when stabbed.
My hate for you began when I looked down and found that it was your hand that held the knife that sunk into my stomach.
The shallow breathing,
The pain that surged through my very being.
Collapsing to the ground crying out for help.
Of all people, of all things.
You were the very least of anyone whom I would have thought.
Hearing your footsteps dissipate in the distance.
Scattering in every direction.
From that point on you showed me the meaning of silence.
The deafening moment of crying out for help only for no one to echo back to a throbbing pain.
Without understanding the full reason, I hated you.
This troubling silence that surrounded me.

Coming to the realization that at this very moment, everything was going to end.
Watching everything I once knew, everything I loved leak out of me.

I laid there soaked in attachment.
Growing numb, looking at the knife lay beside me motionless.
I hated you, but more so myself for handing you that very same knife.
The very same knife that ended up coming back sticking me in the stomach.
Once I hated you without understanding the reason why.
How could you do such a thing.
It wasn't until my head hit the ground that I laid there.

Forced to empty myself on cold pavement.
That I never hated you, for the pain that you thought you caused only made me realize how much strength I really had.

That letting go was essential to stop the suffering.

It wasn't until you stabbed me that I came to the agreement with my former self whom laid there bleeding out
That I never would have learned to see the beauty of everything around me if you never would have stabbed me.
Leaning to breathe again, leaving my former self behind