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Kennedy 1d
i always wanted a friend,
someone i could hangout with,
dress up, play games with, be with.
coincidentally, pregnancy brought me her.
four years younger, full of tears, a baby.
a baby i named,
a baby i loved and cherished and cared for.
eventually we wanted a friend,
someone we could hangout with,
dress up, play games with, be with.
two friends turned into three
pregnancy brought us another.
another i named
and she was lovely, and loved
and cherished and cared for.
and we three, were happy.
three young girls,
happy, healthy, alive, together.
then came Him.
Your love, Your heart, Your endgame.
with Him came another, a boy.
another i named, yet didn't have.
pregnancy didn't bring me him,
he was meant for someone else
he was theirs to love, to cherish, to care for.
we three young girls were not together,
unhappy, unhealthy, alive, apart.
the boy did not forget,
just simply never knew,
and will never.
but pregnancy returned,
she always seems to
and with her came another, a baby,
the last for me to name,
the last for me to love, cherish, and care for.
and You and i, we were together, with her,
loving, cherishing, caring for,
and there were no second thoughts.
she needed You, she was Your last as well.
so why did she have to go?
a month into a lifelong sentence
with no opportunity for escape,
no chance to make a proper introduction.
she saw the door closing,
put her foot out to stop it,
and slipped out of the crack in the door.
1d · 38
Kennedy 1d
i know You tried.
i know it was their fault, i mean,
You haven't missed anything,
not a single thing.
You never miss, You only forget.
You forgot me here, and over there.
You forgot to stop for gas on the way.
forgot my clothes,
forgot my favorite color,
forgot to pick up food for me,
forgot my age,
forgot my birthday,
forgot my appointments,
forgot i had school,
forgot the laundry,
forgot to take the needle out Your arm.
1d · 25
Kennedy 1d
its been two weeks,
where are You?
You told me this would work.
You gave me the instruction manual
and taught me the most efficient way.
You taught me exactly where pieces went,
the perfect lethal concoction.
was no one else informed?
the plan was simple,
one incision, several empty bottles.
one ride home.
what happened?
i signed the paperwork,
packed my paperbag
filled with two days of meaningless papers,
i did the workshops,
talked to the suits
and told them everything.
You gave simple instructions,
two phone calls a day,
say nothing, do everything.
You didn't come to meet me at first.
i waited,
i put it off for hours,
You promised to be there.
You were supposed to be.
it doesn't matter anyways,
if You're not here yet, You will be.
traffic is bad, it has to be.
You wouldn't miss this.
You're picking me up today
it's in the plan
it's in the manual
it's in the letters
it's the only thing You prepared me for.
Kennedy 2d
today my phone was on for 15 hours
and 44 minutes.
today i spent half of those 15 hours on facebook.
these days, it's the only way i can make sure You're okay
it's the only way i can see You,
and in those photos You're smiling.
it's not the smile You gave me at my first concert.
it's not the smile You gave me on christmas.
it's the happiest smile i've seen from You.
the only one where You're completely sure,
this is the way You want Your life to be.
this is it for You.
i spoke to Him,
Your heart, Your love,
Your endgame.
i get it, love dies and hearts heal,
You made sure i knew that.
You didn't need me, never wanted me.
i was never meant to be,
the metal hanger that never worked,
the blockade in front of the road
to Your dream.
You had the drugs, the men, and you had Him.
and as wonderful as He was,
as great as Your life was going,
there was always me.
i think about You. a lot.
and everything i have to say is positive,
i have the memories of You,
all Your lessons,
all Your mistakes.
i like to think about them,
i like to remember faces, and places, and all the meaningless things.
but they weren't meaningless to me,
because while You're ignoring and avoiding
i'm thinking and rushing into the fire.
i want to remember Your face.
i want to remember the smile You had.
the smile handed on a gilded platter,
but it wasn't real gold, was it?
because once the day ended, so did the happiness, and the paint chipped.
once He left, once He disappeared
without a letter, without a word,
without any warning to You,
His love, His heart,
His endgame,
You went back to bed.
Jun 21 · 469
Kennedy Jun 21
you cannot remove pain from your skin,
as if it were a tattoo removal.
though, i wish it were that easy.
i'm aware his fingerprints are not burned
around my neck,
as if his hands were some
unconsensual necklace.
i know the bruises around my neck
have faded.
i still feel them
in my refusal to wear a scarf,
or a turtleneck.
i still feel them
in my dreams
where everything is as it was.
i feel them in my rush to be different,
to dye my hair,
to ignore my past.
A poem for my WIP book.
Apr 3 · 239
pink ghost
Kennedy Apr 3
i know i broke your heart.
i know you hear me when i cry.
i know all you want to do is come beside me,
hold me,
love me,
and treat me the way no one ever has.
perhaps that's just what i need.
maybe that's what my heart desires.
but alas,
      i do
is push you
away from me.
now you're dancing through our house,
holding that dress i loved so dearly.
now you're playing my favorite song and singing alone
all alone,
with nothing,
but the ghost of me.
written for my WIP book.
Apr 3 · 152
she tried her best
Kennedy Apr 3
she tried.
you have to at least say that.
she attempted to find what made her happy,
find was caused her smile.
in the end,
all she found
were broken promises,
and pill bottles.
maybe it was that they were expired,
or maybe,
just maybe,
it was the fact that she took over twenty.
maybe she thought of them,
everyone who has wronged her.
maybe she thought of her family.
all we can do is wonder,
who's idea was it?
who told her to?
was it the voices in her head?
was it the people at school?
or was it herself?
Written for my WIP book.
Apr 3 · 166
Kennedy Apr 3
i spent my days in your arms.
crying laughing while you faked a british accent.
i learned how to break hearts
through flinching every time you raised a finger. 
i learned how to destroy myself through loving you,
putting your needs before mine,
your wants,
your desires.
breaking my soul,
asking “how high?” when you tell me to jump.
we had no way of knowing things would end the way they did.
but maybe you did,
you break hearts that’s your thing.
you make a girl fall in love
and cut out her heart to put in a jar;
a jar full of the hearts of all your past broken girls.
*******, you called them.
you told them they were worth nothing more than the dirt
on the bottom of your shoe.
you told me the same, but worse.
you promised me the world,
only to take my life from beneath me.
you told me you loved me, only to break me.
you destroyed my heart and laughed while i cried.
emotionally unstable,
that’s my classification,
though it seems it has become me.
i am no longer stable,
and i guess i have you to thank for that.
Apr 3 · 348
Kennedy Apr 3
i wish, i wish, i wish.
your love doesn't come in waves.
i wish, i wish,
that you didn't bring up my pain.
i know that sometimes,
there isn't enough love to go around.
maybe you've moved on.
my friends say i'll get better but there's always that extra word;
& sometimes, you just have to come to terms with someone not loving you the way you love them.
Apr 2 · 114
Kennedy Apr 2
i think, you and i are the same,
she told me.
i think you have seen things worse than me
though i do believe we are the same.
i laughed, taking a  drag
the cigarette brought calm,
we will never be the same.
but we are,
but the only thing we have in common..
neither of us will be missed.
from my WIP book

— The End —