Brown eyes or blue.
I know not anymore.
They often changed colour like my mind changes decisions.
Whether or not I should  tell you about my lovely infatuation for you, to you.
You know not what you do to me.
You don't know how many times you've taken my breath away,
and left me suffocating in your presence over the littlest things you do.

You drowned me in your laugh, and your voice sent kisses along my spine.
I shivered in response and the blood in my cheeks boiled.
I knew not how you'd react.
If after I told you the world would start to crumble to its core, and I'd be swallowed with it.
Or the sun would shine a bit brighter.
But neither the first nor the latter happened.

My hands we're violently vibrating.
My heart racing.
My grips to everything physical around me tightened.
I almost put myself into cardiac arrest.
Your eyes met mine, the world stopped.
I whispered things to you in that moment that could almost end my life all together.
But would it really be gone if it was standing right in front of me?
So I let my hope and dreams escape out through my mouth.
Hoping it'd become a reality.



Nothing happened.
Not the first nor the latter.
The dreams never became a nightmare.
Just empty space, empty air.
Just the echo of descending footsteps with awkward pitches.

I walked away after opening my chest to you, revealing everything I'd ever thought.
I wish now that the earth did swallow me, and made me into it's mantle.
Instead it made me stand in your sight, still.

And you left me feeling.
Not really feeling.
You left me... lost.
Not a feeling, just a state of mind. Lost.


I quietly sewed my chest together.
And mourned silently of what's left to my broken heart.
And we never again spoke a word to each other.
I am left with a hollow chest.
I know that you won't breathe life into me again.

Boys will be boys.
Excuse after excuse.
“Truth telling in their eyes”
We always blame the victim.
They shouldn’t have acted like that,
they shouldn’t have worn that.

No.
That’s *******.
Until it happens to you,
you won’t understand the pain.
The constant wondering what you did,
to deserve… ****.
BOYS WILL BE BOYS
You won’t lay in bed crying;
wishing for the feel of their hands,
to just go away.
So instead of feeling that.

NO.
BOYS… will. be. boys.
I remember to erase the feeling.
I destroyed my skin with razor blades,
cigarette burns, scratching myself.
I turned to drugs and alcohol to numb the pain i felt.
Boys will be boys?
What about that is normal?
Thinking that it’s okay to…
**** shaming...
Victimizing.

JUST STOP YOUR LYING
You won’t understand until,
you’re told by parents and police,
that it was your fault.
You shouldn’t have acted so friendly,
you shouldn’t have teased them.
I deserved it because I went swimming?
I deserved it because I was nice..?
Who in the hell are you to say.
Boys will be boys?

It’s “okay”?
It’s “alright”.
Stay away from me.
Boys will be boys?
Can I excuse myself from hitting you in the face?
I mean.
Girls will be girls, right?
We only want to protect ourselves.
If you can make the excuse…
That means so can I?

NO.
NO, boys will be boys and girls will be girls.
It’s all *******.
We all have our demons.
We all go through things.

**** will not ever be a joke.
Boys will be boys?
No.
Monsters will be monsters.

The man in the dark
came after me last night
I screamed and steam escaped my
mouth
But my pleas were shoved back
  down my throat

Kicking and screaming
Not wanting, not feeling
Hands bound to you
Soul shut off to you
Body violated by you

The sky seems grey and dark
I'm scared, I'm being torn apart
by a beast
The man, he's long gone
He is nothing more
He is now a snake
slither around my spine

The snake wrapped itself around me
Whispered screams after every violent ******
and around me he went, and
shoved steel rod fingers
into my windpipe

Feelings are lost

Is it over now?
It's all over now
My body violated
Minor bruising, but I'm bleeding inside

Blow out candles
light gone behind my eyes
I know see every man
  as a vile poison

I can't stay alone
Can't help but feeling
I'm somebody else's home
Somebody else's to own
Oh it's all my fault

Mouth sewn shut
won't tell anyone else
Eyes won't shut
Don't wake me from my daydream

Oh, America….
how can you be enthralled with Trump
dumping on Mexicans and insulting the handicapped
hair piece flapping in the wind
almost as much as his gums –
dumb hicks with ****** chicks
lick ***** of donkey
if they vote that fool
El Prez
and give him the keys
to the nuclear arsenal –
my minds reels at the possibilities
******-bag ball-licking ***** face
at the seat of power
offering the impoverished
cake
or worst
nothing but catch phrases and clichés
intending on inspiring the masses
elevate themselves to a similar status
of ‘The Donald’ –
not all of us have mob ties
and millionaire family members
not that many Americans
can support a failing casino
or be the star of a television show
most of us
are just people trying to make the best
of an increasingly ****** up situation
made exponentially worse
by this *******’s real chance
at becoming the leader
of the free world –