it's the fact everything
makes you nervous.
or upset
or scared
or a combination of many
it's the tightness
that builds in your chest
like a rope
constricting a knot in your chest
it's the endless overthinking
and constant second guessing
the late night
tossing in turning in bed
as you reanalyze over everything
it's the sound of your heartbeat
going faster and faster
until you think it's going to run through your chest
it's the fact
everything seems overwhelming and draining
after the attack
and it leaves you
feeling tired and restless and even hopeless
it's the long lasting fear
of messing something up
or damaging something/someone
close to you
no matter how little or big
and the worst part of it all ?
sometimes,
not only you never see it coming
but other people won't even notice it

there's something about you my heart won't let go of . I need it to , but it won't . you don't love me . not the way I love you . you don't want me . not the way I want you . you don't  need me . not the way I need you . the worst part of all of this is I can't even see myself without you , but you can't see yourself with me . I am falling in love with you , and it's breaking my heart . it's breaking my heart I can't have you , that I need you but you don't need me . I love imagining all the ways we could be happy together and I fall in love me . kinda funny how I'm falling in love with you but my heart is breaking . like the universe could be any more cruel . I believe people come into your life as a lesson or a blessing , and you're my blessing . but a twisted blessing that turns into a lesson . it's like a complicated love story never to be figured out . a never ending nightmare . I can't lose you again . but I can already feel you drifting . I just wish you would take my feelings with you

crackling and sizzling
the aroma of burnt wood in the air
midnight stars
waving hello from above
the harmony of musical instruments
and melody like voices
bouncing around in the air
bringing smiles all around
cool and crisp
but not too cold
and no biting wind
the forest of trees
protect the things within
shielding away from enemies
night crawls forward
but that doesn't stop the enjoyment

the crisp zephyr
hitting the face like a wake up call
early morning light
guiding the journey
and the aroma of nature
fills the nostrils
birds chirping
squirrels scampering
down thick barked trees
the little "pat pat pat"
of doggie paws
as it frolics through the fallen leaves
and then the sound
of human heartbeat
racing in the ears and
pumping blood and oxygen
the sun
waking up the world

we are long over
I have moved on and
let things go.
but everytime I see you,
my heart breaks a little.
when I see you,
everything comes flooding back;
the laughter of our voices in harmony,
the fun jokes we shared,
all of the memories we made.
I am over you.
but I think my heart is still attached
to someone who is no longer there.
you made me happy,
so happy.
you made my heart happy,and I don't know if my heart
will ever stop breaking
because of you.