My greatest flaw
Is that I expect a lot from people.
I give and take.
I think and do.
I lay back and live.
I am every extreme,
And I believed you to be the same.

My greatest lesson learned
Is that I am so vulnerable
And overlook hard truths.

I made excuses for you,
As I do for myself.
I need to find myself apart from you,
Apart from everyone else.
But I can do this while giving my time
To all of those I love,
To all of those I've neglected.
I can be sorry for nothing
In making up with those who have been patiently waiting
For me to find myself
And who have graciously allowed me to do so.

Money is meant to be earned then spent,
Love is meant to be given then received,
Time is meant to be used to its fullest,
And God is meant to make sense of it all.
Believe.

I left a city of comfortable people
To experience God away from your steeple.
God is as vast as the clear, South Dakota sky,
Bigger than the sins of nonbelievers and their lies--
Petty problems tearing everyone apart.

He is greater than misquoted scripture,
Emotional phrases by judgmental hypocrites.
Yes, hallelujah to the Christ!
Go ahead and sing Kumbaya with all you've got.
You're trying to bring yourself closer to a God
Who is all around you.
Please stop to listen to yourself and your crew,
The truth is that you're limiting Him.

He's more than your facade and your two-dimensionality.
I'd rather believe in a God of mystery--
A God of gray.
I'm glad to have left your City of Black and White.
My God isn't boring,
He's infinite.

I don't disappear when life gets hard
Or push those I love away.
Christ didn't hide from the cross
Or shun men who went astray.

I was wrong about you,
And you were wrong about me.
I will never know you,
And you will never know me,
But let's think the best of each other,
Remembering the good times we had.
We couldn't figure each other out,
But we had a little fun trying.

I control our conversations,
If I can call them that at all.
I phone to hear your voice,
But with short sentences,
My heart falls.

I'm skipping and laughing,
Twirling and throwing back my head.
Your arm is around my waist
And lips against my smiling teeth,
So healthy.

It starts with a cough,
And I'm crying and shivering.
You're cold and distant.
How could I welcome your touch?
We're ailing.

I swallow the mucous
And clear my throat.
We're fine--everything we want the other to be.
Hug me and hold me.
We're still in love;
This feeling is fleeting.

Then I'm heaving
And weeping.
I'm tired of waiting,
Believing you'll grow up.
Can you take care of yourself?
Then me? A family?

We made plans,
And you became the center of my dreams.
But maybe he wasn't you,
Only who I wanted you to be.
We're dying.

Run after me again.
Sweep me off my feet.
Kiss my forehead,
Reach my mind,
Put your head on my chest
To get to my heart.
We shouldn't feel secure in being apart.