My ancestors (i hesitate to even call them such)
came to this land centuries ago
they came with nothing
hoping to start a new life
but this is not about my proud heritage
not about immigrants following the
American Dream (Nightmare would be more accurate)

No
my ancestors
my White Anglo Saxon Protestant ancestors
descended upon this pristine landmass
like so many parasitic WASPs
injecting their prey (the people, the land) with venom
laying their eggs that would **** the hosts upon hatching

No
my ancestors
who helped perpetrate an ethnic cleansing
the likes of which 20th century fascists could only dream of
did so under the title of Manifest Destiny
divine right
their religion masking opportunistic genocide

No
my ancestors
laid the foundation
for the greatest country in the world
where ALL (White, English, Heteronormative, Cisnormative, Land-owning, Slave-Owning, Women Hating , Native-American-Murdering, Capitalistic, Perverted) MEN are created equal

No
my ancestors
partook in genocide
condoned slavery
oppressed women (and every other divergent identity)
destroyed the environment
and did so with such arrogance
such unheard of righteousness

No
my ancestors
were the lifeblood of America
the lifeblood of oppression
and that blood runs through my veins
the screams of American-Indian Warriors
of African Slaves
of Women labeled Witches and Gays and People of Color and anyone who opposed the hideous behemoth, anyone who dared to be different

their screams echo in my head
and i am ashamed

New year.
New heartbreaks.
New surprises.
New mistakes.
New disappointments.
New feelings.
New horrors.
New people.
New poems.

This is a note to everyone,
It's words I could never bring myself to say,
And my invisible shield being ripped away willingly.
It's emotions I was too afraid to show,
And now I bring them forth for each and every single one of you who feasted your fiery eyes upon every word that came out of the deepest valleys of my worn out soul.

To the ones I've loved & lost,
Every one of you thought me different things
Some of you were blessings,
Some of you were curses,
I'm sorry I couldn't keep you in my life,
But I hope you found people that could.

To the ones I've ignored & deleted,
I wish I never met any of you,
For the pain and despair you made me feel,
For the regretful decisions you made me make,
But I wish the best for all of you,
I hope you achieve your dreams and see the light, in the places where darkness was all I felt.

To the ones I love & adore,
I don't know what I'd be without any of you,
Thank you for being my rock,
For always guiding me and filling me with laughter,
For making sure I never go back to being who I was,
I hope to never misplace any of you while searching for some of my missing pieces to fill this puzzle I started making, 17 years ago.

To the ones I've forgotten & ignored,
I hope you know how tremendously sorry I am,
I didn't make the decision,
I ran out of options.
Think about where were you when all I needed was to feel wanted,
Think about the day you told me I was part of you,
Only to find out that you lied; the very next day,
I hope you find better people that will fall for your venomous words that still pierce through every vein in my aching body, as I struggle to find freedom; in what used to feel like home.

To everyone I have met,
To the words that shifted my perspectives,
To the waves that churned my thoughts,
To the strangers I failed to have gotten to know,
To the strangers that I used to know,
To the strangers that now are; everything I am made of






I only have two words;

*Thank you.

To: The brokenhearted girl

And to the boy who broke your heart,
I honestly hope he's happy,
I hope he's pleased with what he had done.
I hope he's sleeping peacefully, because you aren't.

I hope he shivers in pain, when he thinks of you
I hope his ears get tired of hearing your name
Over, and over and over again
Especially on nights when he's restless.
Especially on nights when he can't sleep
Especially on nights when his eye lids won't shut.
I hope he remembers the taste of your lips
And yearns for it when your lips hits the lips of another man.
I hope his dreams are filled with images of you
Images of you happier than ever,
Images of you finding someone that's better.
I hope when he eats, he remembers how your hand cradled the food
How your lips surrounded it and how your jaws turned almost hypnotically as you savoured the food the same way you did to his tongue.

And I hope when the lips of another are on him, they'll feel like yours
And her touch, will feel like your touch,
And her hair,
Her hair ..
I hope it smells like yours.
And I hope the kisses of another, will feel like lashes compared to yours
And i hope their touch, will feel like burns compared to yours
As if he's receiving a punishment for letting you go
As if he's receiving a punishment for falling in the arms of another.
As if he's receiving a punishment for using the word "love" too much.

And i hope the minute he utters "I love you" , he'll remember the times he told you,
He'll remember each one of them as if it was yesterday,
Remember which ones were lies,
Break down in tears
And comes crawling back to you.

But darling, don't forget to tell him it's too late.

Sincerely,
An onlooker
(h.s)

You're my Greek goddess, all I do is worship you,
With characters like yours are only a few.
Not a moment passes without thinking of you,
To the heart you're a misty morning dew.
You listen to me tirelessly, console like no one does,
You show me the path that I failed to see in me.
Our roots are deep like that of the banyan tree,
We hold strong unsaid, we know we'll be free.

True its a mystery how far we go back in history,
Blending of our mind and soul, now that's a story.
I'm glad we've come so far to cherish,
There is no way, no way I'll let this perish.
I've memorized the mantra to your heart,
No possible storm can make our ways part.
They're jealous of us, glad you know that,
After all who better at this, than us.