Tuesday, September 26, 2017
You never know
No doubt exists that I was not
The only one who was able to resist
For as long as I did
And to escape venturing into the web world ...
..with all its problems and benefits
I would be remiss
If I did miss
the opportunity to say that it has been a blessing and a curse
But it could definitely be worse
So whether I like it or not I've been on the web....
... for probably 10 years or more without
wanting to be....wishing to be ..or needing to be .. and it used to like make me angry
I guess as they say nothing ever leaves the web
yes it was a Day to Remember
while we were playing softball
a lot of these 30 year old kids
And I was out in left field
I was actually bored
to the spot I had been since ...My ok.. who knows when ...then
I heard that crack ...of the bat
As it caught a good purchase on the ball
and it was suddenly sailing over my head like a congressional junket going to look at a disaster zone .
Unfortunately for me and my frozen
, somewhat dozin'... knees
We were not syronized ...
...,which I only realized after ...just after!
Yes I do realize I stepped into the lime!ight to tell the tale
But it is my prerogativte to take my time
Not all that easy to bare your soul
to just let go
Standing metophorically naked
before the world
And talk about that day... when
It was not metaphoric
Within 10 measly seconds...
... from hearing that bat crack
Seeing the ball go sailing off over my head
and starting to run
In a race to see who would give in first
Me or my poor knee...which one doesn't matter
As I'm pretty sure had one gone...!
it was taking the other along
As well as me !
With the whole support team that managed
Barely at times
To keep me upright and steady.
10 measly seconds !
I'm sure the sound of that crack still rang in my ears
When I found myself being hurled...
...up and over that 4 foot chain link fence
Well ...almost over.!
10 second from crack to crack
As the twisted little demon Barb's atop this ...
...this monsterous mangeler of blue jeans
That allowed me to clear enough at that
That final second of that inevetabe conclusion time
As it appears across the mindscreen in full living color
You know that tune and I'm sure at least once
In every adult person's life
Everyone has had to dance to it's tune
Sometimes the rosy vision... was
the outcome and sometimes ...
well hell ...it happens!
So that day my mind was all in
" Gonna win ..gonna win ..please !!!
But the message apparantly failed to inform my knees
Because just as I went to leap -Superman style- over that fence
They decided to chuck it and by that I mean they said " oh F* it!
And me !
I come so close to success ...before
it all became a life-changing mess
I suddenly found I was hanging upside down
,slung across the fence top !ike a wet beach towel across the back of a lawn recliner
my hair was touching the ground
my ass crack smiled a croeeoked sideways grin at all 40 or 50 people
who had come to watch the game
So who could ever find blame
For my sudden sense of panic as I tried to extracateate myself
Without taking a second to examine my SELF
I myself grabbed two ground level hands full of chainlink fence
As I stared through it
realizing there were kids up there as well
And as I tried to pull my other half along with where ever I was going
finding that around the equator
I was being threatened by those twisted barb's
Was..... is the very oppropriate word here
because I definitely made it worse
A few seconds of calm and cool reflection
would have offered me protection
And whats the harm of letting an old friend
See a friends naked crack
as they would have carefully
eased me back onto the infield side
I would have lost a little pride
taken all jokes in stride
as they would tease and deride
After all what's a friend for if a bare ass can come between
But now as I was screaming and bleeding and screaming bloody murder
An exposed bare butt is nothing
compared to what!?
when it's a schiscabobbed ...uh.. that coming between us
Not that I lay- now or even then -
As I would have done the same
Were I not the the one kicking and bleeding and making it worse
As I kicked and wiggle and dragged out every lifetime learned curse
The little blame I can actually place on them
For not calling 911 a little soonerI think
Because people being people
And as they always want to tell you the card to play
Even when they know the game you play is called soltary
Annoy the game a second or two and move on is
not a big deal I'd say
But as the hesitation time grew long
with all the confusion ..panic and pain
A crowd grew up to add advice ..okay
kinda nice...but a few
Just had to examine
But i was mortified when
without an if you please
a few got down and started taking selfies
parametics arrived and came to my defense haha
I can laugh about it now
but up to that point in my life
I thought that I had thick skin .
You know what mean !
That is ...
Until the first time I saw those selfies appearing on FB..then all the crap I got was ...!
Oh I know it's out there somewhere ..lurking in the memory banks of the web or cloud
For a while
my discomfort seemed to draw a crowd
who had to show me what someone had made and put on the web..all the while
dishing out all the usual advice and telling me
it really wasnt allowed
But my little buddy had found a neich....
and for about 3 yrs that's where it stayed
I have to admit now...
after over ten years since I've seen any activity
On the web
That the human animal
has a weird streak and needs to have their fun
But sometimes it was hard to take
As they had way too much time and creativity
It was when.
Some joker added
about 8 foot of extention and was was enabeling it to move around on the ground
Like a snake ...now that's wrong and that ....
arteest was really twisted
...That I began to wonder if
It would ever end!
Oh well! I survived
And all is well in the mortal sense .
In the ensuing 13 yrs .
I've not heard anyone say anything ..
Not in almost 10 years .!.but I have had my fears
Because I have kids now
Five yrs and eight and like they always say ..
Nothing on the web will ever go away
! sooner or later it will raise it's ugl ly he...y!
I've always wondered and worried about that day
So 3 yrs ago I got my first computer and smart phone
Took a night class after trying to figure it all out on my own
And if it's ever gonna come back to haunt me and taunt me or my kids
I'll be able to explain or evade or block or have it removed ,but why ?
What I've now seen out there in the wild wild web is.. well my ...
That's what it was .
.that's what I'll say is the truth
And that it isn't even applicable
So I have now decided I will not even try to deny
The fact ,the existence or the truth ..about that..
or any other thing out there ..
In the wild wild web!
Because you see
I had to grow into that knowledge...
The very fact that you never know
A year ago my wife was killed in a sudden and unexpected way
By a blood clot after a four hour flight delay ..that's what they say .
A thousand miles away and the weather... the kids. nothing I could do but be a dad
Wait for the people who do their jobs
working out all the details
as I try to gently soften what was going to be bad
A week after the internment I took the suitcase off the bed
Wondering if I could sleep in it again
or back to the recliner where I had been...
For pure reasons of distracting
I spent some time ..a lot of time unpacking
As I put her things away
The dresses I hung with lingering care
in that part of the closet where
she had claimed dominion
The shoes in the boxes and neatly stacked.....
just the way she would have done it
All the assundries I sat back into that overcrowded and complex
on the bathroom vanity
Her cell phone and tablet I simply slipped into the top bureau drawer
It was where she tried
( Laughingly )
It was her attempt at keeping it away from
our then 5 year old son.
But he and Amelia each had their own
fully operational from day one
but that honor
Came with the promise
that they would ask me first
and always ask about
what they see or hear
So it sat there in her drawer for over two years and would have stayed forever... if
If I had not backed over mine last Saturday morning .
I dicided it was important that I'm accessable for the kids
And we would have had the same basic apps and ...okay games
She used her for work a lot so I knew it would not ...have been
All that valuable to me.
the way it was
and I was not...at all
ready for change ...yet!
Then, just about 30 minutes ago
when I suddenly pulled into this parking lot and... ....well!
I'll just make it real simple ....the first thing that happened after it charged up and I turned it on
It started playing the 4 songs we sang ...tegether at a karioke bar the night before
she flew to Maine
And after they finished
her sweet .lovely voice started talking to me
... we were in our kitchen or living room!
And it was..
... within the first 10 seconds
of hearing her speak
I felt my composure crack !
She said ..
I've talked to you Jack every free moment I get when I'm away
for all the years we've been together
And filed it in compressed form for you and the kids ..just because .
..you never know..
but I want you to know this.
I hope that hearing me speak to you it's like I'm there
And talking to you
Like I do makes it seem like you are always here
It's in a file you will find that's named ...
My forever love
It's a crazy wild wild web world out there... but you know ...sometimes good appears just because .because you never know !!