Keandra Woods

Keandra Woods Dec 2016

I woke up beside you in a room so quiet.
The only sound in my ears was the voice in my head.. I could no longer hide it.
I tap your nose hoping to wake you gently.
When that fails, I hold your nose to prevent your next exhale the next time you breathe deeply.
You awaken.
You ask me what's wrong and all I can do is stare..
I wonder if you can hear the voice that I know really isn't really there.
"Babe?" You say.. sounding even more concerned.
I'm trying, I promise, to come up with the words.
I open my mouth, hoping the words will flow like a river..
Instead, it is my eyes from which the message is delivered.
You hold me as I cry puddles on your collar.
I hold you as the voice grows louder and louder.
I fight the urge to speak because I know of the mess it will leave.
You pull away from me still looking in my eyes so deep.
Deeper, this time, than ever before.
So deep, this time, that you saw through to my core.
I look away...
See this is something I can't do.
Because when I'm not happy, I can't help but blame you.
When you lie there, and you sleep, you dream of who?
You say you need me, but is it the same way I need you?
I'm scared always and I grow weak when I hide it.
So just tell me that this isn't another story of a love unrequited!
Just tell me that you're here for more reasons than because you were invited!
Just tell me that I'm wrong so this voice in my head can be quiet!
Please..
Because sometimes when we argue, you make me feel like I'm not worth the fight..
Just... I mean..
It's me you're in love with...right?

Keandra Woods May 2016

Everything You Used to Be

What do I do?
When missing you turns to craving you
And craving you turns to saving you
And saving you turns to saving me
Now I'm saving us and saving we
I need you to help me breathe and
Show me what I failed to see
Previously
You used to guide me
When I was ugly within myself you used to disguise me so that they saw what your eyes see
You used to hide me
You laid your entire world out beside me
And let me paint it with all the colors inside me
You used to hold me
When I didn't fit their frame you never tried to mold me
Instead you showed me
Off to everybody who stuck up their nose to me.
You were gold to me.
Nothing you did could ever be wrong.
Every word you spoke became my favorite song.
Every portrait of you I collected on my walls
Nailed to my brain, that way they never fall.
I admired you.
I cried to you.
The truth spilled from my mouth like blood spewing from a wound, I couldn't lie to you.
My soul was lost too far inside of you.
And now know matter how hard I try I can't find you.
It's like I see you. I hear you.
I even feel you.
But you're not there.
You're not the person I want you to be anymore.
You're not the person I had wished on every star for.
You're just this imitation of you.
No longer in you're purest form.
I blame my hands for rubbing off your innocence.
I blame my voice for cursing your name.
I blame my eyes for glorifying what you thought were flaws.
And I blame my infatuation with your blue veins.
If I could, I would flow within you.
That way I'd never have to know what if feels like to miss you again.

Keandra Woods Apr 2016

Home

My home is in your heart.
My comfort is in your eyes...
I didn't think it'd be so hard
to say a temporary goodbye..
I'll cry for you at night as your voice speaks in my ears.
I'll cry for you at night, and wait for you to wipe my tears..
The thing is.. I don't just miss you.
I need you.
I want to hold you.
And squeeze you.
And show you how it feels to be with somebody who really sees you.
Because I see you more now than ever before..
Day by day I just look forward to seeing you more.
You say my name and I pretend to ignore,
Just so I can hear you say my name once more...
My joy is in your smile.
My sorrow is in your pain.
My home is in your heart.
And there it will forever remain.

#lovehomeheartpain

Keandra Woods Nov 2015

Verbal Sparse

I don't know which hurts more..
The silence.. Or the attack..
I mean the silence is scary.. Because it makes me feel like you've given up on me.. Completely.
Like I've disappointed you to a point where no matter how hurtful or full of anger the words may be, they can't fulfill the void that I created in you..
Then there's the attack.
Your word against mine.
Each word becomes a noose around my throat enabling my capabilities to speak..
So I give you silence..
Except my silence is my surrender.
My "You're right"
My silence is my disappointment in myself..
And then there's another attack.
Rather than send you my bullets, they behave as a boomerang..
Because once again I have failed..
Why is it that in these battles I am always left speechless?
I am left with emotions that I can't verbally explain
Maybe because I never had to.. Maybe because I don't want to.. Or maybe because I simply do not know how..
I know my silence hurts you ..
But trust me.. It hurts me more.

#waranxietyattacksilencefearpain

Keandra Woods Nov 2015

Fingerprints

I just want to feel you like the sand feels the ocean.. I want to be the hydration lathering your skin. I want to be your exhale every time you breathe in.. I want to be your friend.. I want to be the one you call when your world starts coming to an end.. When you're stuck in the shallow waters I want to be the one guiding you through the deep end. My hand to you I will lend.. I want to be your yield sign.. Your "slow down lets just feel" sign. Your "let's fake it till it becomes real" sign. Your "I need you like junkies need to steal" sign... When you flip your pillow over, I want to be the cool side. After long and stressful days, I want to be your good vibe.. When you look into my eyes I want to be your "everything is going to be alright" .. I want to be your favorite poem to recite. Your favorite fruit to bite. Your favorite tear to cry. Or like your favorite bike ride.. I want to be your favorite memory. Your favorite piece of history.. I want to be your favorite picture in every gallery. Your favorite song to sing. When you're sad and need an easy fix to make you smile, I want you to think of me. I want to be your favorite pages to read. I want to be your last missing puzzle piece. I want to be your fresh fries from Mickey D's. Assuming you like Mickey D's. You see. I just want to matter to you. I just want to climb this ladder with you. I want to build with you. Everything inside of me that was ever empty I want to fill with you... And you'll be my favorite part of me. And if you ever walk away you'll be taking my heart from me.. You'll be my favorite hard cd. Better than the digital copy if you ask me. You'll even be the rhythm to my heartbeat. If you take a stethoscope and place it to my chest I swear you'll hear your name on repeat. You'll be my Sunday sunrise. My grandmas homemade pies that I don't even know if I ever tried but if I'm wrong you'll be my right. My lullaby putting me to sleep at night. My glasses forever improving my sight, without you I might as well be blind. And when I look at my "ever after", you'll be my "happily". That is only if you want to be. I'm not forcing you, just know you got this hold on me and if you say no, I'll probably still be holding on while you let go of me. Because you have this terrible control over me. You'll still be my heartbeat, probably just beating a new song. One I don't care to sing along you see. You'll probably still be what's right when everything is wrong. You'll even still be my comfort place when I don't feel like I belong. I can't help it. When we were together I felt this warmth, and I know you felt it. Because you melted... So yeah you'll always have a hold on me, as I will you. Because our hearts will always be left with the fingerprints of the one who held it....

#fingerprintsloveheartbreakheart

— The End —