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4d · 27
i don't remember the last time i have been this happy
i've noticed more my good and bad days
bad days caused by anger and crying
good days caused by forgetting the world and laughing
i've noticed my self-esteem rising
makeup erased from my daily routine
finding who i really am
i've noticed how much i care
about me
about others
about animals
about friendships
about music
about LIFE

things that I have started to notice
that have never existed in my mind before
i think i am finally
getting better
A List of Things I've Noticed in Quarantine
Jun 23 · 30
Discoveries of Life
Karly Codr Jun 23
life is hard
but i have discovered
that you learn
from your wrongs
and you learn
from your rights
and it's okay
to make mistakes
and it's okay
to have bad days
and it's okay
to love yourself
and not hate yourself
because you are scared
that people will see
the true ******
or nerd
or ****
or whatever you are
and it's okay
to let that person show
too many people
today judge people
because of what they love
and who they are friends with
and you know what
it's okay to be friends
with those weird people
because i have discovered
that you should love yourself
not for how the world sees you
but for how you see yourself
Jun 13 · 101
Karly Codr Jun 13
is this too good to be true
they say finding yourself is easy
but how do you find yourself
if the true you is already lost
gone forever
never to be found again
Jun 12 · 136
losing yourself
Karly Codr Jun 12
is it bad to get so stressed
that you break down
and you feel like you've lost yourself
because that is happening to me
and i cry in secret
hugging a beluga whale stuffed animal
my friend got me at SeaWorld
on the band trip where everything was ok
and I thought that this was the summer that I would finally find myself.
but i lost myself even more.
Am I Out of the Woods yet?
Jun 8 · 658
love myself
Karly Codr Jun 8
i'm trying to be better
i'm trying to feel loved
but the days fly by
and i don't know how
to love myself
Jun 6 · 302
Karly Codr Jun 6
When I look in the mirror
I don't like what I see
an unrecognizable face
stares back at me.
People tell me I'm beautiful
but the mirror tells me not to believe.
I lost myself to the silvery clutches of the mirror.
Now, I cannot find the person I used to be.
Jun 6 · 90
Karly Codr Jun 6
books set my expectations so high
and people can never live up to them
maybe this is why i have depression?
i should stop reading
i whisper as i turn the page of my book
but without books
who would i be
Seriously, Books are damaging my mental health but it's fine because I love reading
Jun 6 · 115
On the Outside
Karly Codr Jun 6
You say you know who I am.
But you don't.
You only know the part of me that I show to you.
You only know the girl
     That loves music more than the ordinary person,
     That talks to herself,
     That doodles flowers on her arms during class,
     That buries her face in a book,
     That still has all her music downloaded on an Mp3 player,
     That sings Taylor Swift songs into her hairbrush.
You don't know the girl
     That stays up until 2am sobbing into her pillow,
     That feels like she's never enough,
     That masks her depression behind fakes smiles and laughter,
     That keeps her feelings hidden away,
                              until they blow up and she cries over a broken shoelace,
     That she hopes for the next day to be better than the previous day.
You say you know who I am.
At least you think you do.
I'm sorry. But you don't.
Everyone thinks that they know who I am but it is only me that know who I am.
Karly Codr Jun 1
You came upstairs with a 500 piece puzzle.
We sat down at the circular table,
The five of us.
Two quit within ten minutes.
Soon there was three.
We sat and worked on that puzzle for hours.
Stopping only for lunch and dinner.
You and the other left to play boogie man outside in the dark.
One came and started to help.
I left to shower, and the one continued working.
When I came back, there were twenty pieces left,
And you were there, hovered over the table,
One singular piece, closed in your fist on the table.
The twenty pieces left became ten, five, two...
One open spot left on the table,
Where the piece held in your fist belonged.
You took my hand and dropped the piece into my palm.
"You were the only one with enough persistence
To sit and do the puzzle when we all left.
You deserve the last piece."
It was those words that pulled me from the edge.
It was the piece that pulled me together.
I went to my Aunt, Uncle, and Cousin's house this weekend just to get out of the house and this was the scene on Saturday and it just seemed so poetic but I didn't have my computer so I couldn't type it up but here it is.

Translation: My cousin one year and four months older than me came up with a puzzle for the five of us kids to do. The two youngest quit in the first ten minutes, and it was me, my sister, and him that was left. After my sister and cousin left to go play outside in the dark, my Aunt came and started the puzzle. I left to take a shower, and my cousin was back up there when I got done and together we finished the puzzle. We he said that to me as he handed me that last piece of the puzzle, it made me realize that I am the only one in my life that can have enough persistence to love me for who I am. He didn't know that those words had such an impact on me. But they did. And those were just the words that I needed to hear.
May 13 · 72
Broken Record
Karly Codr May 13
My life is like a weight
Pushing my body down a
Deep, dark abyss
Deeper and deeper
Until I'm consumed by
My body shakes from the pressure
Of not being pretty enough
Of not being smart enough
Of not being enough
My eyes are swollen
No amount of makeup can cover up
The puffiness that plants itself
On my eyelids every morning
I cry out
But no one hears.
Will anyone ever hear?
Rinse and repeat
May 11 · 606
Karly Codr May 11
i just wish that there would be one person to see the real person that i am behind this mask with the fake smile that i put on every morning
May 11 · 107
The Old Me
Karly Codr May 11
When did I become so oblivious of the world around me?
When did I become so numb to emotion?
When did I lose myself to someone else... who isn't me?
Where did the old me go?
The one that was so carefree,
So happy-go-lucky,
So silly.
The one that didn't care what people thought.
Where did I go?
May 7 · 87
Trials and Pains
Karly Codr May 7
My trial is over,
I have none left to give.
I've fought and I've fought
Why do I still live?
The darkness awakes me,
It haunts my soul.
My thoughts are uneven,
They've taken a toll.
My heart is breaking,
Pulled by a thread.
Pains in my chest,
Show that I should be dead.
The music inspires me,
You cannot die today.
I open my heart,
My thoughts do not stray.
I am just gonna keep writing my depressing poems and you guys can keep reading them and we'll all be great. :)
May 6 · 173
Class of 2021
Karly Codr May 6
I think that you should know something.
The truth is... I'm scared.
Not scared of this virus.
I start my senior year of High School next year.
That's what I'm scared about.
At least the Class of 2020 got to experience what I might miss.
I don't want to miss it.
My last time at band camp.
My last time at the band picnic after the first week of band camp.
My last time marching at the competitions
          Wildcat Classic
          Capitol City
          NSBA State
My last time marching at Seacrest field
My last time marching on the muddy band [football] field
My last time marching at a football game
I don't want to miss the marching season.
Everything that makes the school year fun
Could be gone in a heartbeat.
That's why I'm scared.
I don't want to miss homecoming
The awful pep rallies
Playing Keyboard in the Basketball Band of Doom
I'm scared that I am going to miss everything I have loved these past 3 years
I'm scared that I get to be a part of the family that I found in choir and band.
This is what the Class of 2021 might miss out on.
Football Games, Pep Rallies, Homecoming, Volleyball Games, Basketball Games...
WE could miss it all.
I wrote this last night crying and I felt that I couldn't post it because I wasn't in a good mental state last night because I figured out that we might be not going back to school in August and I was scared... TBH I'm never in a good mental state but it's fine
May 6 · 201
Night Silence
Karly Codr May 6
Once everyone falls asleep
I open my window
And stare at the stars
Letting the cool night air
Evelop me like a blanket
I cry in the silence
...almost silence
The sound of the crickets
Soars in through window
Wind blows through the leaves
With a little rustle of them
Brushing against each other
For some reason
The night comforts me
The air dries the tears off my cheeks
I drift off
My head lays next to the open window
I have no dreams
Sorry my poems are all sad but this is all i have to give
May 4 · 539
Quarantine Storm
Karly Codr May 4
This quarantine is
Eating away at my brain.
I feel like I'm standing
In the middle of a storm
While everything else
Spins around me
So fast that I cannot keep up
With what is happening.
One moment
Everything is fine
The next
It's like a tornado
Goes through my brain
And blows around
All of my plans.
And I forget
Why I am here.
Sorry I haven't written anything in a while I've been busy with school work and books and music have been taking over my life.
Apr 21 · 95
Karly Codr Apr 21
I write a sentence
And scribble it out.
I write another sentence
And scribble it out too.
Where has my inspiration gone?
The days drag by slowly, but surely.
Will this ever end?
Apr 16 · 65
Karly Codr Apr 16
why is the weather
of the stupid state
of stupid nebraska
so bipolar
Apr 14 · 72
Karly Codr Apr 14
i think that the world
would be better of without me
i hate thinking
i think that if I hadn't ever existed
everything would be better
i want it to stop
i look in the mirror
and think
how did I ever get this ugly
thinking slowly kills me
i think about my friends
maybe it would be better for them
if i wasn't here
i think too much
sometime i will have to stop
thinking bad things about myself
but the real question
is when
Apr 12 · 233
tears of loneliness
Karly Codr Apr 12
why can't you understand
that music is the only
thing that i have
that is keeping
my fake happiness alive
why do you
and scream
when i listen to music
why do you
at me
for crying
because you took away
my only source
of life
of happiness
happy easter i guess
Apr 10 · 95
Forgotten Happiness
Karly Codr Apr 10
My mother asked me if I was happy his morning.
I looked her in the eyes and told her Yes,
Hoping that my eyes wouldn't show the truth
No. I am not happy.
I haven't been genuinely happy since three years ago.
How long do I have to lie about being happy?
How long do I have to fake my smiles?
How long do I have to hide my tears?
How much longer do I have to feel alone?
Am I happy?
No. I am not. But no one notices.
"And you're tied together with a smile but you're coming undone" ~Taylor Swift
Apr 8 · 164
Karly Codr Apr 8
I'm tired.
Tired of the arguing
Tired of being stuck inside
Tired of being bored
Tired of online schooling
Tired of not seeing my friends
Tired of feeling alone
Tired of crying myself to sleep
Just tired.
Apr 5 · 64
Karly Codr Apr 5
Why am I so angry at the world
Apr 4 · 503
The Pain of Happiness
Karly Codr Apr 4
If I could take all your pain
To hear your laughter
To watch your tears dry
To see your eyes brighten
To experience your happiness
I would with my whole heart.
This is a poem that I wrote about one of my closest friends. She has been through so much and I know that, to see her be happy, I would take up all of her pain, all of her burdens, and all of what she has been through. I know that lately we haven't talked, because of something stupid that I said and of course with this whole pandemic thing that is going on, it is hard because we don't see each other in classes anymore, but if, right now, I could see her and not risk either of us getting sick, and tell her that I am always here for her, that would make my whole day and I, ok now I'm crying. But anyway, this poem is hers. For her. She is one of my best friends and I love her so much.
Apr 4 · 61
Day After Day
Karly Codr Apr 4
Day after day
I try to keep my feelings at bay
Hoping they don't scare people away
My brain disobeys.

Day after day
I try to run away
From the problems that stay
Engraved in my brain
There is a price that I refuse to pay.
Maybe I should just sell my problems on Ebay?

Day after day
I lay in my bed and pray.
My thoughts always stray
All I want is to keep them away.

Day after day
I stay
For my family, I stay.
For my friends, I stay.
For my pets, I stay.
For my piano, I stay.
For life, I stay.
Day after day.
Being at home all the time is kind of getting to me
Apr 3 · 114
Flowers of Life
Karly Codr Apr 3
Friendships are like flowers.
The more you nourish them,
The better they grow.
If you neglect them,
They die off,
Never to exist again.
I'm not wrong, am i?
Apr 2 · 349
Absence of Courage
Karly Codr Apr 2
If I told you how much
I Love You
Would you run away in fear?
Or would you pull me close
And whisper
I love you too, my dear.
This is me procrastinating on my online homework don't mind me :)
Apr 1 · 97
Tell Me
Karly Codr Apr 1
My brain tells me that
I am a disappointment
To everyone around me
My friends tell me that
I could never be.
My brain tells me that
Maybe I could be beautiful.
The bullies tell me that
My attempt to look pretty
Is quite pitiful.
My brain tells me that
I could be good enough.
My parents laugh.
My heart tells me that
I need to love myself.
But how could I?
Mar 31 · 1.1k
Things not Seen
Karly Codr Mar 31
I have never seen
The grass so green
I have never seen
The sky so blue
I have never seen
So many people outside
Riding Bikes
These are the things
I have not seen
Mar 30 · 70
Karly Codr Mar 30
If life was like the movies,
Would it be better than everyone says that it is?
Would it be magical and mystical and fun?
What has life become that everyone needs to be perfect?
Mar 29 · 67
Self Love
Karly Codr Mar 29
Recently, I stopped wearing makeup.
I hated myself without it, up until today.
Everyday, I would look in the mirror and think:
I hate myself,
Why am I this ugly?
Why do people call me beautiful because I'm not?
This morning, I looked in the mirror
And saw what everyone else sees.
I AM beautiful.
I am able to love myself.
Even though everyday is still a struggle for me,
I still have depressive episodes,
And anxiety attacks,
And I still wake up in the middle of the night crying,
I have discovered one thing that has improved my life.
Just a little bit.
Self Love is something that I have struggled with a lot, but it has started to get better lately I think, and I know that I can get better, even though I am still struggling with depression and social anxiety. I have figured out that writing, music, and drawing is a good outlet for me, and it helps. But, I mean, hopefully it will get better.
Mar 28 · 101
Standing Out
Karly Codr Mar 28
Sure, I'm not like other girls.
I don't care about
What others think of me.
It really doesn't bother me.
Who cares if they don't like me
Because I choose to be friends
With the people that they don't like.
Just because I don't
Wear super short shorts
Or ripped skinny jeans
Doesn't mean you need to bully me
Every chance you get.
Maybe I don't play
The flute or clarinet.
Maybe those instruments
Don't like me
What do you care
If I play trombone?
Just please.
Don't bully me
All because of the things I do:
The friends I choose,
The music I listen to,
The instrument I play,
The life I lead.
Don't judge me
For who I am,
For who I want to be.
I'm different.
But that's okay,
Sometimes it's good
To stand out.
Mar 28 · 88
Karly Codr Mar 28
Why do you have to yell
A second after we get done
You yell at me for doing something
And I cry about it,
And you yell at me
For crying.
Mar 28 · 278
Karly Codr Mar 28
Every night, I drift off
Into the silvery darkness of dreams
But those dreams never really make me feel better,
They only make it worse.
Mar 27 · 95
Karly Codr Mar 27
1:57am. the same time i wake myself up every morning. crying. softly, quietly. hoping that no one will wake up. tears streaming down my face. with no reason. it's the same time. every day. no one has ever noticed. the light in my bedroom turns on. precisely at the same time. every morning. i tiptoe out of my bedroom. plug my headphones into my keyboard. play as loud as i can stand. pray that no one wakes up. no one ever does. does anyone actually care? i kind of wish someone would notice. no one ever does. why is music the only thing ever there for me?
this is like actually something that happens every morning
Mar 26 · 40
Question #3
Karly Codr Mar 26
Why does
Every good situation
Turn into overwhelming sadness?
I might start making this a daily thing...
Mar 26 · 228
Karly Codr Mar 26
I'm not TRULY happy.
Someone asked me that question once.
Every night, thoughts race through my mind.
Memories of the times I wasn't
Numb to every emotion,
Except anger and sadness.
Memories of vacations,
of friendships,
of small moments in the numbness that
Some people like to call life.

Is being truly happy too much to ask?
Mar 26 · 104
Karly Codr Mar 26
Secretly, I cry.
Quietly, at night,
When no one is awake to hear me
Sobbing in my tear-soaked pillow.
Mar 25 · 179
Question #2
Karly Codr Mar 25
What has life become
That we have to be
Stuck inside all the time
With nothing to do
That by the point this Pandemic is over
We will all be dead
From Boredom
My state just announced it's first community spread case so I can't go outside anymore
Mar 24 · 149
Music is...
Karly Codr Mar 24
People ask me:
"Why do you listen to music so much?"
And it's kind of hard
For me to explain to them
Music means more than
To me.
Music is a friend that is always there.
Music is everywhere,
In everything.
Music means the world to me.
But they don't understand that
Music is the one thing I can depend on
So now I'm writing poems constantly because I have nothing better to do.
Mar 24 · 76
Karly Codr Mar 24
What if I'm someone that no one wants to be around?
Mar 23 · 209
Karly Codr Mar 23
My skin feels like the outside of a shell,
Plastered to my body,
Like an old, wet, t-shirt.
I feel like I am a shell of a person,
Who just doesn't exist.

At All
Mar 23 · 136
Karly Codr Mar 23
If life
Was as good
As everyone says
It is,
Then why do I
Feel like I'm a disappointment
To the Entire World?
Mar 23 · 47
What Would Happen
Karly Codr Mar 23
What would happen
If I hadn't met you?
If I hadn't summoned up the courage
To talk to you
In the marching band tornado
During freshman year?
If I hadn't been so desperate
To find a friend?
If I hadn't talked to you,
I never would've realized that
You were in my English class.
I never would've learned
That your name was Isabella,
I never would've learned
That you had a twin sister
Named Olivia.
I never would have met my two closest friends.
What would have happened?
What would happen
If you weren't in my Geometry class
Freshman Year?
If you hadn't talked to me
After class that first day of second semester?
"Hi, My name's Meghan,
And we are going to be great friends!"
If I hadn't found someone who was so kind to me
Everyday, and made me feel like I was loved?
What would've happened?
What would happen
If I didn't sit next to you in Spanish Class?
"Karly, you sit next to Erin,
And then Jacob, sit next to Karly,
And David, sit next to Jacob.
Erin, you will be partners with Karly,
David, you will be partners with Jacob."
If we hadn't been forced to talk to each other
Because we were elbow partners?
If we hadn't been placed in the back row,
Next to the Know-It-All named Jacob
Laughing about something stupid
That David had gotten wrong.
If I hadn't sat next to you,
I never would've met Elaine either.
What would've happened?
Ope I didn't know that this poem was going to be that long sorry :)
Mar 20 · 53
Dysfunctional Family
Karly Codr Mar 20
My mom is laying on the couch,
Her foot elevated,
Because she fell down the
Garage steps this morning,
And broke her ankle.
My dad is sitting on a chair
At the kitchen table,
Face timing his friend,
So that my idiot little brother
Can finish his robot.
My sister is walking around the house
With a gigantic backpack,
Because her backpacking backpack
Came in the mail today,
And she has to make sure it works,
But why would you need a backpack
If we can't go anywhere because of the
Stupid coronavirus.
I am sitting on a recliner,
Arranging music,
And writing a poem
About how dysfunctional my family is.
My dog is running around the living room
Because there is so much going on,
For Him,
Is like sensory overload.
No matter how dysfunctional we are,
It's my family.
This is literally the scene in my living room right now
Mar 20 · 17
Karly Codr Mar 20
I wish that
I could live
Just one day in
The life
Of a popular kid.
Just one day of
Being liked by
Just one day of
Not being made fun of
In every class
For being the
Stupid band girl.
But then,
I think again.
Would I really want to
Spend a day being liked?
Would I really want to
Spend a single day
Having to impress everyone?
So I sit back,
Watch them try to impress everyone,
While I am being myself.
(Or at least trying to) :)
I have never been more bored in my life
Mar 19 · 145
Problems in Society
Karly Codr Mar 19
People don't deserve it.
They don't deserve to be
They don't deserve to
Feel like they don't belong.
They don't deserve to be
Made fun of for what they like to do.
They don't deserve to be
Looked down upon because
Or Art,
Or Sports,
Mean more to them
Than anyone can ever know.
They don't deserve to be
Dissed because they have
Down Syndrome
and other
Mental Illnesses or Disabilities
They don't deserve to be
Or Assaulted.
What has become of society,
That people feel the need to constantly
Make people feel like they don't belong.
People don't deserve it.
I hate staying inside all the time
So I'm writing poems
I hate being bored
Mar 19 · 26
Snow Globe
Karly Codr Mar 19
My life is
A snow globe now
I guess.
Well not
A snow globe.
It's raining
We're all stuck
At home now.
No one knows
How to
So people are
Actually going
Because there's
No school
Kids don't know
What to do
With themselves.
Everyone's lives
Are in small little domes.
No more
No more
No more
Nothing is
Open anymore.
Except grocery stores,
But they're out
Of every canned food.
Is this really
What has become
Of the World?
I'm literally so bored that I don't know what to do so so I'm spending my time writing, reading, and listening to Taylor Swift.
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