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Jun 5 · 262
im stuck
karly codr Jun 5
im stuck
i dont where im going
but even worse
i dont know how to
find who i am
hi
karly codr May 18
shoot for the moon
because even if you miss
you'll land among the stars

and then come hurdling back to earth
like an asteroid
well
either that or die of asphyxiation

actually i don't know what would happen
i'm no space expert
wow this poem is exciting
Apr 28 · 340
words are hard
karly codr Apr 28
i can't find the words
to piece a poem together
i'm slowly getting better
but worse at the same time
and i just don't know what to write
about
Apr 15 · 837
be yourself
karly codr Apr 15
i'm slowly learning
to live for myself
and not live for
the expectations of others
and who they expect me to be

i'm slowly learning
that i can be who i am
around the people who want me to be
the crazy
depressed
taylor swift and twenty one pilots and conan gray stan
book nerd
person that i am

and for the first time in a while
i'm happy with myself
skipping school on friday to have a movie day with my friends and i'm just in a rally good mood and i'm actually happy
Apr 12 · 760
stress
karly codr Apr 12
stop stressing out
they say
you have nothing to worry about
they say
but do they know that i get
so stressed to the point of tears
that i have panic attacks
in the middle of the night
when no one is awake
and thoughts race through my mind
the answer is no
they don't know
and they never will
anyway i'm super tired and i worked all weekend but it's fine also fearless (taylor's version) is really good
Apr 9 · 320
hugs
karly codr Apr 9
there's a hallway in my my school
where all the music and theater kids hang out after school
one of my friends was there
and i waved to him
and he came up and hugged me
and i started crying
because since covid started last year
none of my friends have hugged me
and it was one of the best hugs
i've had in a while
2 hours until fearless taylor's version i'm not okay
Apr 7 · 329
untitled (or not)
karly codr Apr 7
i feel like i annoy people
because i get over-excited
about taylor swift
or twenty one pilots
i get made fun of for it
but i just laugh along with them
how am i supposed to explain
that im still here because of their music
1 month 13 days until scaled and icy
29 hours until fearless taylors version

and i'm still gonna end up crying myself to sleep tonight
Mar 30 · 328
Untitled
karly codr Mar 30
i pick up a pencil
and try to write
but static fills my brain
i convince my friends
that nothing's wrong
but i'm alone with my thoughts
and even i don't know
what's wrong with me
i think i'm ok
Mar 23 · 320
to my parents
karly codr Mar 23
i'm sorry
i want to be okay
i want to have an appetite again
i want to be able to smile
with tears in my eyes
because i'm so happy
and not because i'm depressed
and hiding
i want to be able to be myself
and not hide who i am
behind the mask of someone
that i'm not
but you don't care
as long as i'm pretending to be happy right?
you think you know who i am
but you only know the one that i show to others
the one that isn't real
you don't know the one
that lays in bed at night crying
the one who stays up late just to draw
you have 9 months
before i move out and go to college
9 months to figure out who i am
good luck with that
because even i don't know who i am
i didn't eat lunch again today because i just wasn't hungry and my parents found out that i haven't been eating my lunch and it's literally just because my depression's getting bad again and i don't have an appetite but they're convinced that i'm secretly eating something else even though i've told them that i'm not and i'm just tired of them not believing me also i need a hug
Mar 19 · 390
one door closes
karly codr Mar 19
they say
    "when one door closes
      another door opens"
but what happens
when the door closes
but one is never opened again
Mar 18 · 200
Untitled
karly codr Mar 18
i need to stop
getting depressed
and getting ideas
and making impromptu trips
to craft stores
yeah so i went to get gas in my car today and while i was waiting in line i had an idea so i made a trip to the craft section of walmart and spent money on things that i probably don't need
karly codr Mar 17
i'm fine i say
as tears spill out of my eyes
and run down my cheeks
and mascara melts off my eyelashes
leaving black streaks running down my face
i promise i'm perfectly okay
but i'm not

i'm so tired of the back and forth i want to be happy please
Mar 17 · 347
i can't even title this
karly codr Mar 17
you know the feeling
when you just want to scream at everyone
even though it's not their fault
that you had a ****** day
yeah
i'm so tired
life *****
people are stupid
today was awful
but none of you care anyway so

on a lighter note taylor swift's grammy performance is living rent-free in my brain and i got to tie dye a shirt today. it has mickey mouse on it and i'm in love with it (not as much as taylor's grammy performance but close)
Mar 16 · 337
found
karly codr Mar 16
life is catching up to me
i'm losing the me
that i am right now
i finally found who i want to be
i can't lose that person
because if i do
i might not be able to find her again
welp... so anyway taylor got aoty at the grammys last night and i died dead

also i found a really cute mickey mouse shirt at target that's i'm gonna tie dye and i'm excited
Mar 15 · 404
grammys night
karly codr Mar 15
it's grammys night
and my parents are angry
that i get so excited about
watching people win awards
and perform
but they don't know
what these people have done for me
that's why i like watching them
taylors performance made me cry not gonna lie
Mar 12 · 297
lists
karly codr Mar 12
i like to make lists
of things to buy
things get done
things i want to do
but why can't i think of
things to put on a list
entitled
things i love about myself
im back and tired like usual
Mar 6 · 424
spring break
karly codr Mar 6
i'm free
well for eleven days...
i can't wait
for the red rocks
and the hours of hiking
and walking through the tiny town
i missed it
last year
after this, we didn't go back to school
this year,
we are


i hope
probably not gonna be active until next week sorry :)
Mar 5 · 373
bad habit
karly codr Mar 5
i have a bad habit
where i talk really bad on myself
and i never notice when i do it,
but i never realized how toxic
i can be
to myself
so anyway i was in band this morning and i was talking about how i'm not **** band in college because i **** at playing trombone and there's this kid i talk to sometimes but not on a daily basis and when he heard me saying that about myself he was like "if you ****** at trombone you wouldn't be in the varsity band. you need to stop talking bad on yourself, i've heard you play trombone, i've heard you sing, you don't **** at all, you need to stop saying these things about yourself" and then my band director chimed in and said "you never give yourself enough credit for the things you can do. you've improved so much over the past 4 years but i don't think you realize it" i promise i'm not crying rn (sorry that was long)
Mar 3 · 433
still procrastinating
karly codr Mar 3
i want to be able
to turn things in on time
and not wait until last minute
but my problem
is that i procrastinate on everything
which is why i'm writing this poem
now
instead of working on homework
well i made a really cool remix of no body no crime and it sounds kind of really cool
Mar 1 · 206
timer
karly codr Mar 1
it seems like there's a timer
in my head
counting down
to every bad day
except i don't know when
the timer will go off
but it seems like
the time between bad days
is slowly getting longer
let's be honest though i will never be mentally/emotionally stable
Feb 26 · 571
stress crying
karly codr Feb 26
i have this bad habit
where i stress myself out
over stupid things
to the point where i cry
and it's always on days
that already were awful
anyway... trees by twenty one pilots and tolerate it by taylor swift are really good songs to cry and sing in the car

also i don't even know why today ****** in the first place it just kind of did probably because it's thursday
Feb 25 · 828
springing into spring
karly codr Feb 25
snow melts
day become longer
sun sets later
sun rises early
spring is around the corner
and i'm slowly getting better
as the weather gets warmer
tbh i've had a rough time recently but i think i'm getting better
Feb 24 · 476
starting over
karly codr Feb 24
the good thing
about having a bad day
is that the sun always sets
and when the sun rises
in the morning
you get a chance
to start over
well you know i'm slowly getting there (also this is irrelevant but I got to roll the windows down driving home from school today because it was 55 degrees instead of -23 like it was for the past 2 weeks)
Feb 19 · 280
retail therapy
karly codr Feb 19
a really bad habit to get into
is retail therapy
you know, buying things
when your mental health *****?
well i've been stuck in that habit
for a while
and today after school
i went and spent sixty dollars
on things that i didn't even need
at least the scrunchies that i got were cute. oh and i got some more pens that i don't even need anyway because i have plenty. also i don't know why i was so willing to spend that much when i need to get fabric for a pair of pajama pants that I'm gonna make and fabric is expensive as hell
Feb 18 · 435
getting my hopes up
karly codr Feb 18
i try not to get my hopes up
for something
that could never happen
but no matter how many times
i tell myself
that i can't get my hopes up
i do
and i end up getting disappointed
every time
there was a possibility that i could get a full ride scholarship to the school that I've been wanting to go to for at least 3 years, but I didn't get it and now i'm disappointed in myself because even though it wasn't my decision, i didn't do good enough to get the scholarship
Feb 17 · 557
haircut
karly codr Feb 17
thick loose curls
fall to the mat on the floor
i haven't had a real haircut
in three years
i would always get anxious
and cut hair off myself
because something happened
or i would get worried about something
and feel the need to cut my hair
and I could never bring myself
to get it cut by a professional
it was so uneven
so even though
i only got 7 inches cut off today
i feel like i'm starting
to know myself again
7 inches might seem like a lot but my hair was at least 2 feet long so 7 inches wasn't a lot considering how uneven it was at the ends and how unevenly layered it was so anywayyyy

i know that getting a haircut may not seem like that big of a deal but like it really was and i'm really proud of myself because i've finally done something that i've been scared of doing because of what my hair looked like. I could never wear it without it being in a ponytail because of how uneven it was and the person who cut my hair didn't say anything about it, she just cut it off it feels like a weight lifted of my shoulders because i can wear my hair loose again i'm like really proud of myself (this was long sorry it needed an explanation)
Feb 10 · 682
i is stupid
karly codr Feb 10
have you ever tried
to open a car door
and get in the car
at the same time
because i tried to do that tonight
and smacked my face into the door
after work
so now my eye is swollen
and probably brusied
so that's fun
my face hurts (insert laughing/crying emoji here)
Feb 9 · 497
Untitled
karly codr Feb 9
there's something satisfying
in sitting by yourself
in the dark
at 10pm
and watching
Harry Potter
while drinking coffee
and eating starbursts
this may or may not be what I am doing right now...
Feb 9 · 306
it's funny isn't it
karly codr Feb 9
if funny how
a singular day
can start out good
and go downhill
really fast
because of one stupid thing
someone says
on the other hand, I was at work today and a lady paid for someone's things that they didn't have enough money for and it was really sweet and made me so happy
Feb 8 · 700
snow
karly codr Feb 8
pure white snow
falls from the sky
layer upon layer
clings to the ground
i'm tired of snow
i wish it would melt
and the world
would be green again
snow kind of ***** honestly i'm looking forward to the humidity of stupid nebraska
Feb 6 · 287
oversized
karly codr Feb 6
i've discovered recently
that i really like
oversized clothes
not because i'm trying to be trendy
but because it's easier to hide
tired
Feb 5 · 360
too late
karly codr Feb 5
i want to go back in time
and hug the little girl
that was me
and tell her
not to be afraid
to speak up
or stand up for herself
to love and be herself no matter what
and even if she loses friends
they were the ones that didn't love her in return
but it's too late now
and I can't even make myself believe that
wow i am just on a roll tonight

too bad they all have to be depressing
Feb 5 · 367
wishes
karly codr Feb 5
i want to watch the sun
bloom from the earth
i want to watch the moon
rise in the sky
i want to lay down
in an empty field in the dark
and look up at the stars
i want to watch the world
be set on fire with color
of the setting sun
i want to see the reflection of clouds
on a still lake
i want to find shiny rocks in the sand
but these are just small wishes
that hide in the back of my ruined mind
behind the boxes filled with words
of telling me that I'm not good enough
welp that came way too easily
i'm so tired
this week *****
at least tomorrow's friday
Feb 4 · 104
Untitled
karly codr Feb 4
i want someone to tell me who i am
because i don't know who i am
not anymore
today was a rough one
Feb 4 · 170
struggling
karly codr Feb 4
losing my trombone music
was the first mess-up today
then i broke down in the bathroom
after 6th period
i tripped up the stairs after school
and bruised my ego (and my knees and hands)
at work tonight
i lost keys
to a big glass cigarette case
under it
and because I messed up
i got nervous
and kept messing up,
over and over and over again
on my break
i sat in the break room and tried not to cry
because there were other people in there
and i didn't want them to see me
life was going so well
why does it have to go downhill now?
now i'm sitting at my kitchen table, working on homework, and crying while listening to Taylor Swift's evermore. it's 9:32pm and I'm gonna be up until 2am working on homework agggh im so tired of life right now and today REALLY ******
Feb 3 · 313
fantasy
karly codr Feb 3
my brain thinks
at a million miles an hour
so fast
that i can't distinguish
reality
from the
world inside my head
kind of tired of life right now ngl
Feb 2 · 330
i can't
karly codr Feb 2
i can't do this anymore
i can't go on
trying to be good enough
for everyone else
when I can't even
be good enough
for myself
you assume i'm fine, but what would you do if i-
Feb 2 · 167
locked
karly codr Feb 2
locked
in the deepest corner
of my brain
are things about myself
that i refuse to believe
Jan 29 · 274
a painter
karly codr Jan 29
a thin brush
painting small circles
on denim
steady hand
steady
stop shaking
finished
hi i'm back. i'm working on painting the back of a jean jacket I have and this just sort of came to me... anyway... it kind of ***** but whatever
Jan 21 · 182
Untitled
karly codr Jan 21
my brain is full
ideas for poems
rebound off of my skull
i can't think anymore
bye
Jan 20 · 448
having a life
karly codr Jan 20
how am i
supposed to have a life
when the one thing
that I actually enjoy
gets taken away
because of a stupid pandemic
so... i'm in our basketball rhythm section and it officially is cancelled until districts at the beginning of march... and I was standing in our last rehearsal trying not to cry because band has become my family and everything is getting taken away
Jan 19 · 3.0k
stars
karly codr Jan 19
sometimes i wonder what it's like
to be a star
to look down on the world
while it's asleep
to watch the lost souls
wander outside at night
and look up at the sky
and smile
i wish i could be a star
Jan 18 · 267
two steps back
karly codr Jan 18
it shouldn't be like this
for every step forward
it's like two steps back
for every day i think i get better
something happens
and i fall again
Jan 18 · 373
painting an image
karly codr Jan 18
hair blows every which way
in the crisp air
of a winter morning
snow sticks
on her eyelashes and hair
she spins
her arms out wide
for this is the first time
she's seen snow
note - this isn't about me i live in nebraska and despise snow because nebraska is the most bipolar state in the US and it can go from snow to 60 degrees in like 12 hours so...
Jan 17 · 404
escape
karly codr Jan 17
sometimes
i wish i could escape
from today
just curl up in a corner
and be gone
good news: it's sunday but it's technically saturday because i don't have school tomorrow which is totally ok
also i spent 2 hours on a painting which was completely unnecessary but it turned out cool and has taylor swift lyrics on it which is fun
oh and i'm in a really good mood today so i have no idea why this poem is so depressing
Jan 16 · 206
not a valid word
karly codr Jan 16
scrabble
sits in the middle of the table
my brother is being an idiot
and just to let you know
shub, feety, qib, and yeet
are not valid words
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