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May 19 · 77
manic pixie dream girl
Kj May 19
I read something about
how boys never end up with manic pixie dream girls;
they just hang around and use her
until someone more docile comes along
when you say you can’t pick me up right now
even though my parents
are cutting each other with words,
I think to when you broke my heart
“we have nothing in common,
and you’re so young
and I wonder if maybe
I’m your Manic Pixie Dream Girl:
here to teach you about the life you don’t know
about it’s mysteries and nuances,
about wild *** and drunken nights
only for you to leave me again.
when will that happen?
what will she be like?
will I always be someone’s Manic Pixie Dream Girl?
May 19 · 23
smart
Kj May 19
my mom sighs
and ask why I never date boys that went to college
why don’t I like smart boys
I want to say that he is smart-
he knows how to clean a dirt bike carburetor,
how often you have to smog and how to change his own oil,
things I would never know about cars
he knows how it feels to break a bone and pop a lung,
he knows how to have real fun;
driving too fast, sneaking in to private pools, secret rooftop bars-
the kind of fun I was too scared to have
he knows the recipe for chicken parmesan and how to cook meat in the ground,
how to live without fear of something going wrong,
with the freedom to be himself without worrying what someone else thinks,
how it feels to lose a dad before you can tie your shoes,
he’s the only person outside a school
that knew what speech pathology was without asking first.
she leaves the room before
I’ve managed to see past the anger and verbalize a response.
there’s no sense in explaining something you love
to someone who listens for what they want to hear
May 19 · 12
placeholder
Kj May 19
I’d like to know when the words
“you deserve better”
became a placeholder for
“I’m leaving you”
May 18 · 244
mother and father
Kj May 18
i have my mother's fight and my father's loyalty.
and when it's good, it's grand.
i will paint your skies every shade of purple i can find.
i will stand by your side like man's best friend,
fighting for you, fighting with you.

i have my mother's fight and my father's loyalty,
but when it's bad...it's bad.
but i will still be here when
you say my skies look more like bruises
from fighting too hard, too much-
words thrown like fists, messy and unrefined.
i will still be here even when
you tell me my lavender sky was unrealistic,
my head always stuck in the clouds.

i have my mother's fight and my father's loyalty-
but what good does that combination do me
when they aren't together anyways?
Jun 2018 · 222
message series #13
Kj Jun 2018
i mIss your Hand in Mine
the way timE Flies
the sound of your Laugh
the way your EyEbrowS crinKLe
at the tastE of avOcado
feels like home
Jun 2018 · 120
message series #12
Kj Jun 2018
tangLed limbs and midnighT gigglEs
you wAtched My fAvorite moVie
without Even heSitating
kissEs on my foreheaD
and the tiP of my NosE
isn't this hOw Love goEs
please don't leave me
Jun 2018 · 112
holding on
Kj Jun 2018
it's been five years of this back and forth
this come over tonight
but only for a while
and i'll see you again soon.

it started at seventeen
because i still loved you.
i didn't know how to let go
and you didn't hold on.

soon you will leave me again.
i'm not sure what happens to us-
or whatever this is.
i'm afraid to ask
because some part of me
will always be holding on to you.
and i fear that these five years
have already been forgotten
that you've let go
that i'm still holding on alone.
again.
Jun 2017 · 395
stay
Kj Jun 2017
allow me to set the scene:
the lights are low- or maybe off-
or maybe you’re illuminated by each other’s smiles
and the dimly lit faerie lights draped along the headboard.
the blankets are pushed to a corner
and somewhere tangled in the sheets
are the clothes you showed up in.
the walls you’ve built have been completely
and irrevocably destroyed- but for once, that’s okay.
you can feel the weight of his ribs against your hips,
this is what you’ve been waiting for-
well not this, but him.
“stay” you whisper.
and of course, he continues.
you could swear everything is just melting around you
because you look at his face
and it’s like you’re somewhere beyond cloud nine
but this is not what you meant.
“stay” did not mean put your hands on my thighs
and keep going.
it didn’t mean keep your clothes off.
“stay” meant come lay down next to me
and hold my hand when you think i’m sleeping
it meant let’s fall asleep to the sound of each other’s laugh.
“stay” meant bare feet under covers
and space heater skin
I wish I understood how these emotions became ******* like this
it’s the *** before the feeling
but why does it have to be like this?
i always find myself apologizing
and wondering what’s wrong with me-
i can’t help that i find a deep emotional investment within people
i can’t help that when i look at you
i feel like every poem i’ve ever read
but it seems like you and i have been reading different books.
Jun 2017 · 173
stars
Kj Jun 2017
when we met i saw stars
and not just the ones in the sky
but the ones in your eyes
and the ones that danced in the air when you laughed
i waited days and weeks and months
before i asked what we were doing
to which you said things would happen
but you needed time, so nothing felt rushed
and since then you have told me
that you never felt a moment
that pushed you to be in a relationship...
i was a competitive swimmer for ten years
so, naturally, water is where i’m most comfortable
you say this and i think back to summer
where days were spent running in and out of the ocean
waist deep in water where i can still jump waves
only, this time i jump too soon and i’m thrown under-
i can feel the sand scraping my knees, my shoulders, my back
the salt burns and burns... and burns
i sit on the towel for a minute
but something calls me back to the water
because i know the burn
and i’d rather feel the burn
than never touch the ocean again
i’d take a hundred bad waves
for the salty smell and the sun in my hair any day.
this is just a bad wave.
i tell you not to worry
if you need time, take it;
i will tread the water and i will take the burn
because at some point it will get dark...
hopefully you’ll see the stars then too
Apr 2017 · 238
something deeper
Kj Apr 2017
you say you are afraid
afraid that something deeper
is going to end up hurting you
as it always does

but at what point
do you realize
you cannot have deeper
without the hurt

because the risk of pain
pales in comparison
to finding someone worth keeping
Apr 2017 · 217
there we were
Kj Apr 2017
my fingers shook against the white buttons
perched at the hollow of your throat.
i stuttered through an apology
i was eighteen
and still hopelessly in love with you

and i know i gave you up
but there we were
lips against my cheek
thumbs against your hip bones
your shirt on the floor of the car
pink lace on the dashboard

i smiled at the face i knew
and the lips i'd missed
and the laugh i'd loved

you showed up a week later
a new blonde against your side

i still don't know what i should have said
Apr 2017 · 423
cool girl
Kj Apr 2017
my life is becoming a series of unfinished poems
there's one about the time
we walked home drunk
and kissed in the snow
I remember it so vividly
and there's one about the time you slept over
and how you held my hand
when you thought i was sleeping
but these poems are unfinished
likely because you and i
are unfinished business-
or rather, unofficial, unlabeled, I'm unsure-
I don't even know what we are
And I want to ask,
but then i remember that i am supposed to be the cool girl
the girl who does not care about what we are doing
and doesn't like labels
the girl who says "yes come over and drink"
but doesn't worry about what she'll confess when drunk
the girl who is okay with making out
but just calling this friends
the girl who doesn't ask questions
because she doesn't care about answers
but i am young and i am not the cool girl
i have never been the cool girl
questions to me are spaces write answers
answers that i want to know
that i want to learn
that i want to hear
so please
just tell what this is. what we are.
i don't know why this seems to be so hard
Apr 2017 · 168
thinking of you
Kj Apr 2017
when I think of you
I think of your eyes and the way you spooned me when you thought I was sleeping
I think of cinnamon whiskey and the time we stumbled home in the snow
I think of the bones by your hips and my hands tracing the freckles on your chest
I think of your space-heater skin and the sound of your laugh
and sometimes when I think of you
it's like I can't think at all
as if I'm too caught up in you to think straight
Apr 2017 · 271
midas
Kj Apr 2017
the last night we went out
you brought me white daisies.
they reminded me of when we met.
i left them on the counter,
and followed you to the car.
we came home- straight to my bedroom.
the next morning i tiptoed to the kitchen,
looking for you,
but instead i found the daisies all wilted and brown.
i thought you had the Midas touch of love,
but like the daisies,
i was dead the second you touched me.
*i wouldn't change a thing.
Mar 2017 · 178
out
Kj Mar 2017
out
one day
i hope to meet someone
who makes me write the way you did
-but better-
no one else has gotten the words out
and i can feel them stuck inside
i want them out
Mar 2017 · 291
naked
Kj Mar 2017
i will never know you better
than i did the moment
i woke to your bare skin
and quiet snores
Feb 2017 · 364
home
Kj Feb 2017
your lips on mine
and a hand on my shoulder
says welcome back
your lips on my shoulder
and me in your arms
says **welcome home
Feb 2017 · 148
morning after
Kj Feb 2017
i woke up to the sound of you snoring-
wondering why it took us
so long to get here
and more importantly
wondering why nothing else
has ever felt this right
Jun 2016 · 296
message series #11
Kj Jun 2016
YoU left With a shot tO my cHest,
the Air iS leavinG my lungs
i suppose i'll just laY here
i dOn't Need Your help Because
You always haTed that I was sO DependEnt
i wish i'D learneD cpr
why didn't you say goodbye?
Jun 2016 · 194
message series #10
Kj Jun 2016
if there's a hOle in my rib cage,
is it still a Cage?

please take yoUr knife;
I tHink that's my lung.
ouch- (an ode to parasitism)
Kj Jun 2016
it started with the friends,
and moved to the benefits
friends + benefits
we lessened the benefits
but we stayed friends
benefits - benefits
now you've ignored the friends
benefits - friends
here we are,
friends + benefits - benefits - friends
and we went into this knowing there was an end,
but who would've guessed the end meant you'd never to speak to me ever again?
??
May 2016 · 448
how to get away with murder
Kj May 2016
love her,
leave her.
there is nothing more to it.
May 2016 · 261
message series #9
Kj May 2016
he kisses my shouldeR-
And woW, that's a really nice bElt
his hands are on my hips-
but What do you fear most?
he opens His bedroom door-
is this the Answer To my question
or the bEginning of *yours?
what are we?
May 2016 · 244
message series #8
Kj May 2016
you put your hAnds on my chesT,
you kiSsEd my nEck-
but quick, LOok at your Wrist-
Are thOse my VeIns
wrappeD arouNd You,
or juSt the sTraps to my top?
always too invested
May 2016 · 441
message series #7
Kj May 2016
you told me to stop Writing abOut you
because all you ReaD was bitterneSs,
but who are you to Decide
what stOries are Not mine To teLl?
As if every Single syllable
uTtered from you lips isn't mine now.
did you think thAt i would forget?
or maybe you thought the wind
would pick up your wordS
and shuffle thEm awAy
like fall leaveS-
here tOday, but goNe tomorrow.
7. words don't last a season
May 2016 · 246
empty
Kj May 2016
you were my whole world,
but you left without reason.
something within me has gone
it has never returned.
May 2016 · 267
loving you
Kj May 2016
loving you should've been
whispers of admiration,
longing,
happiness-
puppy love
in every sense.
but loving you was
slashes to the wrist,
the hip,
the thigh-
self destruction
in its purest form.
Apr 2016 · 345
you & i
Kj Apr 2016
(1) October
leather converse and a grey hoodie,
lipslipslips
behind the pool,
but it could have been the Eiffel Tower,
all I saw was you.

(3) December
silver bells and open flames,
familyfamilyfamily
always made me feel safe,
but nothing could protect me
from the icy gaze of your mother.

(4) January
icy nights and harry potter,
lovelovelove
like the howling wind at midnight,
whispered in my ear,
but did i hear you right?

(5) February
reds and pinks
kisskisskiss
grazing along my skin,
as if you had the Midas' touch,
so why were the roses you gave me already dead?

(7) April
freckled skin and fruity lotion
legslegslegs
spread apart like your favorite book,
wishing for the soft gaze of adoration,
but knowing it was only lust.

(9) July
warm sand and chlorine kissed skin,
handshandshands
you promised to keep me up,
but when the waves came,
I choked on water, while you laughed in the sun.

(11) September
school bells and new cars,
leatherleatherleather
warm under the sun,
sticking to my legs,
just like your lips on my neck.


(13) November
tan blankets and thanksgiving break,
friendsfriendsfriends
seventeen candles stuck around the cake,
ready for the wish
I thought had come true.

(14) December
windy nights and rainy mornings
fightfightfight
we couldn't see eye to eye,
and the lines between blame and fault,
blurred and turned grey.

(15) January
cloudy days and lonely nights,
alonealonealone
I said goodbye,
and sometimes I still wonder why-
but your mother never liked me anyway.
Apr 2016 · 270
you
Kj Apr 2016
you
it was october,
and you bought me dinner.
in december,
it was a tee shirt
and february,
it was pink roses.

in april,
you came with a blue sundress.
and july,
it was the little black kitten.
in september,
it was a movie.

my birthday came in november,
and that time it was a necklace.
in december,
it was dinners,
and movies,
a bracelet-
all just things.

because in the end,
you'd given me everything
I'd ever wanted,

but you never gave me
what i needed,
and all along that was you.
Kj Mar 2016
1.  She will love you more than anything, but she will grow tired of the bitter taste your words leave.

2. She will leave you and you will deny yourself the right to feel anything for her. It will **** you.

3. She will spend her nights with a pencil or pen, and you will fill yours with a different girl each time- desperately trying to find someone who's eyes look like hers.

4. No one will compare to her, but you will fail to learn that. She will be one of a kind and you are a jack of all trades. She will continue being her own and you will become just another card in the deck.

5. She will forgive you for every mistake, but she will not forget the way your words left scars on her chest.

6. All she will ever want is to feel like you fight for her, but you'll never go to bat for anything other than yourself.

7. If it would bring you back, she would apologize for every second thought and every slash of tongue- and she would mean it.

8.  She will try and reconcile as best she can, but she will always seem to forget how stubborn you are.

9. You will love her more than any other woman in your life, and she will feel the same. When she leaves, you will find yourself looking for her in everyone- but she will move on without you.

10. For her, it will always be you. You could come back in three years, and live four time zones ahead, and she will wake up at two am just to make sure you slept okay. Her arms will always be open, with your name etched into her ribs.

11. For you, she will always be stained by the bitterness of your abandonment. An abandonment you will bring upon yourself, when you decide that the girl next door is better than the one in your bed.

12. She will want to stay friends- close, but not too close; you should let her, but you won't. I feel sorry for you- everyone wants her on their side. She will love fiercely and she will support you even when you don't deserve it.

13. It doesn't matter what girls you will try and love after her because none of them will be as good. She will know your past and your future, she will love you even when your insecurities shine like headlights. She will know and she won't care.

14. Every girl you will try to love is made up of pieces of her. One will love cats, another will swim and another will be very quiet. You will search for her in every girl you meet, but you will never find her. You will never find her because she will finally run away from your headlights, your bitter words and the knives you throw at her chest.

15. When you finally realize all of this, it will be too late to catch her.
Mar 2016 · 257
january
Kj Mar 2016
the early winter rain had come and gone,
clouds suggested a part,
as little rays of gold spilled through.

voices spilled from in front of us,
petty words and silly plots.
and there we sat,
curled against each other,
under feathers and fleece,
skin on my shoulder,
fingers on your hips.

i felt the hissing next to my ear,
i just wish i could remember the words.
but instead, i'm plagued by the vision:
my tediously shaking hands,
hesitantly moving against your skin,
awkward, uncomfortable, out of place. 

i remember feeling afraid,
as if i would shatter every piece of you.
i've realized that
i was terrified of breaking
the one beautiful thing in my life.

winter had set in,
permanent blots of grey for miles,
and god, the wind kept me up till orange filled the sky.

but the cold brought friends,
and demons made a home in the back of my mind-
they all whispered about you.

and so a new vision set in:
throats closed around unspeakable words,
as it rained harder inside that car than any sky ever could
and just like winter knocks the leaves from fall's hands,
my shaky hands dropped you to the floor-
beauty seems so hard to come by since then.

maybe it's because i lost you,
maybe it's the demons whispering into my ears-
i couldn't exactly tell you why, but
i always cry in january.
this feels rough and will likely be edited to high hell
Mar 2016 · 355
this old fleece blanket
Kj Mar 2016
I had you over for my birthday
Two years ago
                                                             ­                           -Don't you remember?
We watched a movie.
You used that blanket from my bed.
The old plaid one.
It was tan and blue.
I forgot the title of that movie.
                                                                ­         -That actress you like was in it.
Pieces of the memory must've bled away in the shower,
Just drips down the drain.
                                                                ­                  -it only took one this time
I love that blanket.
I use it every night.
Pulled up to the tips of my ears.
But strewn to the left.
                                                           ­  -I have to sleep with one foot out now
I think it smells like you.
                                                                ­     -I've washed it a hundred times.
Or maybe it just a memory.
I have this old fleece blanket.
It's plaid
                                                           ­                     -a plaid of tans and blues...
I think tan is a warm color.
                                                          ­        -but not as warm as your fingertips
Nothing's ever the same as you.
Even though I love that blanket
It will never be you.
It will never keep me warm like your arms did.
It will never love my laugh like you did.
Not now. Not soon. *Not ever.
Feb 2016 · 318
Quick Decision
Kj Feb 2016
For 18 years,
I had hair down to my hips.
Blonde and curly-
My trademark.
I left you
And with a quick decision,
My hair fell to the floor at your feet-
I'd hoped that if I didn't look
Like the girl who broke your heart,
I wouldn't feel like her either.
i only miss the hair.
Dec 2015 · 661
Like a Fool
Kj Dec 2015
Your fingertips wandered
The forests of my skin,
for a year, three months and one week.

Your kisses lingered around my neck,
Pearls strung delicately across a haphazard creation.
Your thumbprints were inked across my ribcage,
Polka dots on my least favorite sweater.
Your fingers mined gems from the ridges of my hipbones,
Diamonds found within the depths of my self-loathing.
Your lips planted daisies the crooks of my collarbones,  
Black-holes of misery turned into a rainbow of gardens.

I have not felt your embrace
Or heard your voice,
In a year, eleven months, a week and four days.

The pearls have been replaced
With the noose of your bitterness.
Your thumbprints have become plum-colored bruises,
Diamonds have turned to coal,
And, like a fool,
I mistook daisies for venus fly traps-
They catch every thought of you,
And I'm now I'm closed in.
Dec 2015 · 670
Burial Ground
Kj Dec 2015
I am standing alone,
In a too-crowded room,
Between a fellow ex,
And your newest fad,
Finally I realize,
I am just another name on a list-
You never loved me,
I was just another conquest-
Nothing more than an insignificant battle
In the war of your life.
* But the battlefield has since become my burial ground.
Dec 2015 · 415
Thievery
Kj Dec 2015
I firmly believe that the issue with us
was not an uncanny ability to dissemble,
but rather intense desire.

You craved submission and control,
you wanted compliance
and you sought out a weakness I didn't know I had.

I craved acceptance and confidence,
I wanted acquaintance.

In your pillage of my soul
you took a piece of me
that's need I knew not.

You took the very piece holding me together
and tried to shove it into yourself,
hoping, wishing, praying
it would make you who you wanted to be.

And in the flurry of your thievery,
you ripped me apart
and left me without the innocence
I'd never know.
Dec 2015 · 337
(W)Hole
Kj Dec 2015
You left in the midst of winter
I was okay
But then I felt the wind
Blowing through my chest

I tried to find a boy to fill it,
To keep me warm.
The one with the tan skin,
And the one with the icy eyes,
But it never worked.

You didn't leave a perfect hole,
Not a circle,
Not a square,
But ragged and crooked.
You were gone in a blink,
And I haven't seen you since

*(I'm beginning to like the cold)
Dec 2015 · 351
months
Kj Dec 2015
It took me months to open you up,
And find all of your secrets,
And in those months,
You slowly changed  
We are to
We *were
Dec 2015 · 462
This Is Where I Leave You
Kj Dec 2015
A year has passed,
And here we are:
Lover to lover,
Ex to ex,
Face to face.

My hair is short now-
I cut off fourteen inches.
And my skin is paler.

You've gotten taller,
I always felt like a child around you.
Your eyes are greener.

You're looking at me-
Studying me.
You tell me I look different-
You tell me I look prettier.

I smile and mumble thank you.
You smile too,
But your eyes are dark,
And your hands are trembling-

I am prettier now.
I talk more. I'm different.
I'm what you wanted.

And now you panic.
You're scared and you're angry.
You lost me.
You lost me and you wish now,
That you could come back.
You wish that you'd never said those words-
"This is where I leave you"

For a while,
I wished too.
But now, you can watch.
You can watch me
Grow and talk and get prettier
You can watch me walk away
Away from you now,
And away from everything we had.
I don't wish anymore.

Now I walk away.
Now, this is where I leave *you.
Dec 2015 · 758
Swim, Swim, Swim
Kj Dec 2015
I found my way to the river last week.
The current is keeping me afloat
The sun tanned my skin
The dirt ran through my hair
And the rocks almost never hit me
So I swam and swam and swam.

I came home and told you about how great it was.
I am back again today.
The current is against me  
The sun is burning it's words onto my skin
The dirt is tangled up in my throat
And the rocks hit my rib cage like bullets.
You're not here anymore.
But I'm swimming.
I will swim and swim and swim.
Dec 2015 · 334
message series #1-6
Kj Dec 2015
1*
i used to talk aBout you liKe
you ContrOlled the oCean's tides
but now you're gonE.
you're gone And i'M drowning.
2
It took You six weeks to kiss me
because yOu Said you were waiTing
untIL the time feLt right...
how Long did yoU wait
until it was the right time
tO leaVe mE?
3
I used to know You
lIke freckles on My Skin,
but yOu left
now even yoUr name
iS foreign to me.
4
It took me one yEar
a foot of haiR
and hanDfuls of ignoreD texts
but now i'Ve learned:
You'rE not coming back.
yoU dOn't love me.
5
they say
the effecTs of AlCohol
beGin dImiNshing an hoUr
aftEr every drink.
iT's been nine mOnths
and i still feeL You
bUrninG dOwn my throat.
6
are an empty hoUse
and unheard soUnds
reason enough to Call you
or can i only hear Your voice
when it's telling me tO
go **** myself?
1. come back
2. i still love you
3. i miss you
4. did you ever?
5. i can't let you go
6. *******
i'm not sure how i feel about these
Nov 2015 · 330
silence
Kj Nov 2015
i can hear my heart beating,
but it doesn't bother me.
i can hear birds chirping,
but it's so dull.
i can hear my favorite song playing,
but it's just noise.
i can see you,
but you say nothing.
            this silence is deafening.
???
Nov 2015 · 359
heartbeat
Kj Nov 2015
We used "I love you" like a heartbeat.
Hoping that saying it
would make us feel something .
Hoping that our midnight whispers
would make it real.
I've since discovered
that you're nothing
but a broken mirror.
Now I'm bleeding out.
Nov 2015 · 275
Like Hell
Kj Nov 2015
A blink of an eye
Dry throat,
Silent words,
Too hard to speak.
Bitter encounters,
A Broken heart,
Desperate cries,
Fell unto deaf ears.
I fought like hell.
You're still gone.
Nov 2015 · 279
fire
Kj Nov 2015
you were fire
and i was doused in gasoline.
you touched me
and suddenly,
i went up in flames.
you touched me,
and i ceased to exist.
i like this, but i kind of hate it a lot.
Nov 2015 · 325
Leaf
Kj Nov 2015
Is the way that you think of me
Different from (how) others do?
(Do) they see me as a quiet, unlovable girl, 
Or more importantly do (you)? 
How could anyone (love) me?
I'm (a) simple (girl),
There's not much to (like), 
Nothing too special,
I'm just (me),
(for I) prefer to be quiet,
I'd rather sit in silence,
Than give every detail of who I (am),
I'm (not) a summer day,
Nor am I (a rose),
I suppose I'm more like the winter,
Not too harsh or too cold,
(But) a little chill
That leaves you longing for (a) familiar warmth,
Or maybe I'm like the first (leaf) of fall,
I fall alone,
And perhaps it's meant to be that way
(how do you love a girl like me? for i am not a rose, but a leaf.)
Nov 2015 · 469
Sunday Morning
Kj Nov 2015
I bite my nails.
I bite them when I'm nervous
Or when they feel too long.
I bite till they bleed.

At least if they hurt,
Then I can forget about you,
Maybe for just a little while.


I shake around people.
I get so nervous
I can't hold pens in my hands.

Sometimes my heart beats fast
Much faster than it should
It makes my knees quiver.

I don't ever sleep
Maybe I'm up at 1:43 in the morning
Because I'm an insomniac  
Or maybe because I miss you

Mom says
I'm experiencing withdrawal.

I've never tasted beer.
I've never touched a hard drug.
But here i am
(163 days sober)
Recovering from being addicted to you

Addicted in the most innocent of ways
But now I've realized
You make a drug addiction
Feel like a Sunday morning.
Nov 2015 · 732
Goodbye
Kj Nov 2015
A fair October morning
A kiss on the mouth
     Bliss
A January night
A three word whisper
     Promises  
A sunny April weekend
A hotel couch
     Lust
A dark October night
A few more fights
     Change
A chilly December day
A new spark
     Secrets
A cloudy January afternoon
A silent drive
     Goodbye
Nov 2015 · 331
Secret
Kj Nov 2015
I found myself sitting among
Fragments of broken promises
Looming around me like
Shards of glass-

I picked them up as best I could:
A slice to the wrist, and a second,
And a few more.
But I never got them all.

I thought leaving you
Was the last of my messes,
But it seems to have
Broken down my walls
And shattered all my mirrors.

It has been months, I know I'm over you-
But at night,
I can still feel your hand in mine,
And I can still feel my heart,
Beating in time with yours.

No one ever told me
That leaving wouldn't break the one I left ,
But me too.

And they didn't ever tell me,
That leaving can occur in seconds,
But last for years.

I've learned that no one told me these secrets,
Because they're secrets no one wants to have-

It's something you have to learn for yourself,
And silence underneath years of experience,
You have to bury it-
Forget where you marked X
And leave it a secret unfound.

  *I just wish I could find my shovel
writer's block is intense as of late
Nov 2015 · 290
Like You
Kj Nov 2015
You passed by me last night,
When you walked through the door
I felt your hand touch my back-
For a second my breath hitched,
But I didn't feel like crying.
I didn't cry;
I didn't flinch.
It took me fifteen months
But I think it's safe to say:
My demons no longer look like you.
i hate this but ???
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