I read something about
how boys never end up with manic pixie dream girls;
they just hang around and use her
until someone more docile comes along
when you say you can’t pick me up right now
even though my parents
are cutting each other with words,
I think to when you broke my heart
“we have nothing in common,
and you’re so young”
and I wonder if maybe
I’m your Manic Pixie Dream Girl:
here to teach you about the life you don’t know
about it’s mysteries and nuances,
about wild *** and drunken nights
only for you to leave me again.
when will that happen?
what will she be like?
will I always be someone’s Manic Pixie Dream Girl?
my mom sighs
and ask why I never date boys that went to college
why don’t I like smart boys
I want to say that he is smart-
he knows how to clean a dirt bike carburetor,
how often you have to smog and how to change his own oil,
things I would never know about cars
he knows how it feels to break a bone and pop a lung,
he knows how to have real fun;
driving too fast, sneaking in to private pools, secret rooftop bars-
the kind of fun I was too scared to have
he knows the recipe for chicken parmesan and how to cook meat in the ground,
how to live without fear of something going wrong,
with the freedom to be himself without worrying what someone else thinks,
how it feels to lose a dad before you can tie your shoes,
he’s the only person outside a school
that knew what speech pathology was without asking first.
she leaves the room before
I’ve managed to see past the anger and verbalize a response.
there’s no sense in explaining something you love
to someone who listens for what they want to hear
I’d like to know when the words
“you deserve better”
became a placeholder for
“I’m leaving you”
i have my mother's fight and my father's loyalty.
and when it's good, it's grand.
i will paint your skies every shade of purple i can find.
i will stand by your side like man's best friend,
fighting for you, fighting with you.
i have my mother's fight and my father's loyalty,
but when it's bad...it's bad.
but i will still be here when
you say my skies look more like bruises
from fighting too hard, too much-
words thrown like fists, messy and unrefined.
i will still be here even when
you tell me my lavender sky was unrealistic,
my head always stuck in the clouds.
i have my mother's fight and my father's loyalty-
but what good does that combination do me
when they aren't together anyways?
i mIss your Hand in Mine
the way timE Flies
the sound of your Laugh
the way your EyEbrowS crinKLe
at the tastE of avOcado
feels like home
tangLed limbs and midnighT gigglEs
you wAtched My fAvorite moVie
without Even heSitating
kissEs on my foreheaD
and the tiP of my NosE
isn't this hOw Love goEs
please don't leave me
it's been five years of this back and forth
this come over tonight
but only for a while
and i'll see you again soon.
it started at seventeen
because i still loved you.
i didn't know how to let go
and you didn't hold on.
soon you will leave me again.
i'm not sure what happens to us-
or whatever this is.
i'm afraid to ask
because some part of me
will always be holding on to you.
and i fear that these five years
have already been forgotten
that you've let go
that i'm still holding on alone.