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Sep 2017 · 1.1k
Love is a hell of a drug
Kaylee L Sep 2017
I used to hit to get high or hit to get by.
**** I'd hit just to lie next to another lie just to feel my next cry and wonder if it hurt to die.

I used to hit to get high or hit to get by. That love was where my motivation lied. I wasn't looking for a single love but multiple feelings of maybe appreciation or the approximation of someone wanting my affection or attention.

I used to hit to get high or hit to get by.
3 4 5 people in and out of my room never seeing the naked truth or naked you that one who said loved should see. All I knew is I wanted to be what they need and who they see without the loyalty.

I used to hit to get high or hit to get by.
The rush was amazing. The divide was encasing as the sin and lies overwhelmed and the curtain started raising...

I used to hit to get high or hit to get by.

I saw and sobered. Not from love but the addiction itself. I sobered from the urge that made me want more, in fact this love I felt was more in depth. In fact it crept and wept sweet tears and happiness. All I wanted was the one; I saddened less. I was what she needed along with the loyalty. I asked about her needs and wants and acted accordingly.

I used to hit to get high or hit to get by but now I comply to loves law. Abide in her soul. A love and devotion I am no longer able to control. Our love is almost story tale told. I no longer wait for another to unfold.
Feb 2017 · 296
Poet gone silent
Kaylee L Feb 2017
I've Always had a Love for words
but when I try to write about you, I'm at a lack thereof

You Make a poet go quiet
I'm Used to my mind being so loud
But now I Flourish in *silence
Nov 2016 · 600
Beautiful pain
Kaylee L Nov 2016
It's amazing how we don't wear our mental scars on our visible skin but if you look hard enough you can still see them.
It's amazing how once you see them, if you touch them you can feel them, not in a physical sense like feel the cut but in a physical sense where you can feel the pain
and It's crazy because I look at your scars and compare mine and they look the same and I know the pain and it's really a shame that we're both victim to this game and there's so many to blame and all I want to do is heal yours and soothe the soreness when we both have open wounds yet they're all flawless and make us who we are and gorgeous and baby I just want you to know this
I'm sorry for the pain you've endured and your scars I want to kiss so I kiss your head and tell you that I love you.
Your place is your place and it's right here in my heart. You have every right to be upset if I do wrong, though, I promise not to tear you apart. I promise to put you back together from your previous falls and how those scars remain to this day but I promise I won't take advantage of your mental pain and I'll never let you slip away or bring upon you rain.
I promise you with me, it's okay, and it might not be today but I'll heal all and keep you safe, promise to leave those scars shut and never add to your collection and keep those scars a memory which you never recollect on.
Oct 2016 · 910
Ecstasy
Kaylee L Oct 2016
Wrapped around her finger
Metaphorically and physically
The way she looks in my eyes
Heavy breaths exhaling desire
Light reflects off the sweat on our skin
I take a hit off your hips
Inhale your passion
Trace your curves with the tips of my lips
Grip your throat delaying your breaths
A sudden gasp as I explore your love

Follow me into ecstasy
Kaylee L Oct 2016
i try to keep myself humble at all times. Although my insecurities eat me alive some times. i could have all the confidence in the world and have it drain instantly at the sight of someone/something.

I try to remind myself that everything i ever wanted could be taken away by a cute lightskin ***** with a fade

I try to remind myself about how my girl and i even came. That it very well could happen to me. How easily a cute white girl came and took someones world away from them and claimed it as theirs.

I try to remind myself that no matter how good things are, it could disappear because the cutest white boy could easily steal my sunshine.

I try to remind myself that all i was was a side piece until i smooth talked my way into her heart and put stars in her sky when she asked me why i wanted her.

i try to remind myself that any cute lightskin ***** with a fade can do the same.
Any cute white girl can take my place.
and even the cutest white boy can be her new saving grace.

I still try to hide behind a false happy and act unbothered like my mind doesnt wander back to the hell i kept myself in in the past years. that cute white boy was me at one point. that cute white girl was me at one point. That cute lightskin ***** with a fade started all this **** inside me about the insecurities i posses and why ill never feel secure in a relationship.

I try to remind myself to never let my wall down. How i took from them, they can take from me. I don't see myself as much and that's why i am so guarded cause i feel as though it will happen. That cute white boy came through the drive thru to tell you what i tell you hourly and you felt the need to let me know in those words. I know you're beautiful. The world knows it too. i just want to be the only beautiful and cute to you.
Oct 2016 · 306
Sober night
Kaylee L Oct 2016
Sober night
Coldest life
Can't light the pipe
It's only right

Take a shot for me
Aug 2016 · 451
My letter to you
Kaylee L Aug 2016
If I call you will you still answer?
I found myself wanting to cry numerous times today and I don't know who to send my prayers to.
Baby you're a prayer too.
You're a beautiful soul
Do you know what you're getting into do you know who I am? What we can do?
If you're down im down hold my hand and we will walk right through
All the judgement and despair are you ready cause I don't care.
I can't fake shake or try to get you to relate to the feelings I got for you
I'm really all about you.

I'm not sure who you been with before and what hurt has been put on your heart or more
I'm not trying to replace a home you once had but I promise I'll be the best one that you've had.
Believe every word I say for I'll never lie to you.
When I tell you I'm yours, I'm yours. I'll never lie to you.
I'll abide in you.
Let me get inside of you.
Your mental not your jeans your heart is what I mean our love will be serene and clean more like a dream it seems , I'll never leave please believe

Im falling for you. Stumbling over your words like curbs. I haven't put my hands out in front of me yet.
If I fall will you catch me? Gentle landing no plea
Agree to clean the debris don't leave or thieve
We've achieved in disbelief all that we can be in our beautiful ****** up reality

If I told you I loved you how would you react. Every time I think of it I get anxiety attacked. My hearts so compact I forget what it lacks when it's cracked and when I look at you it retracts and counteracts and leaves me in disbelief that one day you might love me. That today I might love you. I know this seems out of the blue but I'd rather be true and honest like I promised.
I'll keep my promise. All of them. Honest.
Jun 2016 · 321
7
Kaylee L Jun 2016
7
You're my happiness and sadness
but lord knows you keep me sane

For when you are near, i can see clear
You're my clarity when standing in rain
Jun 2016 · 235
Healing
Kaylee L Jun 2016
I still get scared when i pull up to your job,
Like I’ll see him there or you both in your car.
I guess I’ll continue to deal with what I’m left with,

*This nasty *** scar.
May 2016 · 847
Her flower
Kaylee L May 2016
Hands trickle down your naked body like a soft morning mist.
Spreading your legs to expose your beauty.
Petals of your beautiful rose shine and welcome me.
Lookin deep into your eyes straight into your heart.
My tongue caresses your flower, sipping from your fountain.
Your body moves gracefully in pleasure.
Placing my hands on your hips to grip and lick...
Feeling you grip my tongue involuntarily as you climb to the point of ecstasy.
Gaining speed, grabbing on tighter.
Your body trembles wrapping your love in mine
expressing mine physically
Connected mentally
Her rain falls down ... Not a drop hits the sheets
May 2016 · 340
9/13/14
Kaylee L May 2016
If mortality were more based off morality than the way things happen practically; things and emotion wouldn't come forth dramatically, the good wouldn't die young and the bad would die drastically.
Mar 2016 · 190
Untitled
Kaylee L Mar 2016
take a shot through my heart,
im on the edge screaming **** the world.
Feb 2016 · 429
my talk with god
Kaylee L Feb 2016
i swear to god if you take her away from me again
might as well take my life with hers

i’m tired of these up and down roller coasters
i’d rather take a ride in a hearse

if there ever comes an end to us,
i'll quickly throw my life in reverse.

i get my hopes so high and we feel so good
then i get a jab of her reality like a beaten horse jabbed with spurs.


this pain in my chest is all too common.
maybe is the fear of being forgotten.
or the fear of being left, metaphorically, in a coffin.

i hope this isn't part of some trick or lesson.
karmas a *****, i’ve had her too much in my presence.
you can tell by my expression there’s no feelings i’m oppressing, i’d simply fall into a depression without you by my side taking my sadness and suppressing, to be honest, without you id turn to aggression take my fate as a message, and put a gun to its head for leading my life in the wrong direction.
Jan 2016 · 409
Eviction notice
Kaylee L Jan 2016
I never seen one on my door, I thank god for that but in the neighborhood I grew up in, it was a common sight amongst the apartment hallways. I didn't think much of it for I was young.. I just knew when the day came... My friends belongings were all in front of the building on the grass and then they didn't live there anymore.. Now one thing that I never forgot was everyone swarming to their belongings ad going through it and taking it.... Like vultures ... Stealing ... Not only were they just made homeless but now you take all they've got left of their own. I never forget because it broke my heart.. I hear my mom talk about how someone got evicted and I see her and the boyfriend put on their shoes.. And go to their stuff... I never forget how she came in with a little something talking about how it was "a good find"... What kind of human being who knows struggle and loss can do such a thing to another person.. I wish I had a voice that young cause I would've told her about her self.. If I ever saw an eviction notice again, I swear I'd guard their belongings if they ever got outside.
Blog post
Jan 2016 · 661
homeward bound
Kaylee L Jan 2016
she never read my poetry. matter of fact she never gave a **** about anything that did to me.
she never tried to learn me, every chance she had she was intentionally trying to burn me.
I started thinking about a quote I once heard.
you accept the love you think you deserve.
when in reality no one deserves less than the world.
I was killing myself mentally, making myself go through hell with this girl.
knowing she wasn't anything, literally, wanting to go back home, critically, missing home, physically, speaking out my *** potentially ruining any chance I had of coming back home.
I was home sick but I was sick of home.
my mind made up a whole story of it own,
made me hate her for doing things for reasons she didn't, saying things she wouldn't, hurting me on purpose..
she hurt me on purpose, but we both had guns. I pulled my trigger first and they both turned automatic.
rapid fire shots sending head shots every round.
yet we were still standing,
fighting for the one thing we knew that wasn't dead.
white flags waving we realized we were fighting for the same thing.
fighting to come back home.
for my home was her, as her home was me.
italicized home, her, and she are a different person than the "she" referred to in the beginging
Jan 2016 · 365
i wanna say im sorry
Kaylee L Jan 2016
i used you as a crutch.
we were each others temporary soft touch.
i used you while you used me.
we both just wanted our ex to see.

feed me your lies while i shove mine down your throat.
you text me you want me then get wrapped in another guys coat.
i gave you the world, i was amazing, so you said.
but then right after saying you want no none but me, we're both is someone elses bed.

"I've got to talk to you" became a common phrase i heard.
is it cheating if the feelings are fake? the emotion blurred?
how is this a rebound if the ball was never shot?
we were never over our ex, so not a single one of those lies were bought.

i wanna say i'm sorry.
for playing you knowing where home was.
but to be honest, you played me harder.
you're a hell of an actor, here's your applause.
#j
Dec 2015 · 687
perfectly imperfect
Kaylee L Dec 2015
I'll never forget how good you were with words
how your tongue cut sharp and spit and dripped with poetic justice.
I read your lines and watch your lips while mine are blurred, they slip my grip

I can't stand your imperfection.
you're a perfectly imperfect person perpetually portraying beautiful pain.
or maybe that's mine in the reflection of your eyes.
our love was filled with beautiful lies.
endless nights both us cryin, tryin, lyin awake, inevitably dying..

but then again who am I to fake cause all those nights I called fate. more like lessons we make then take and we thought otherwise but I bet everyone could relate.  we weren't a mistake. leaving eachother was the only one we made
" I'm just writing "
Dec 2015 · 253
10w christmas
Kaylee L Dec 2015
Christmas is in one week.
just praying I make it...
Dec 2015 · 293
played
Kaylee L Dec 2015
treat me like an option and I'll give you less. giving you my attention like a mission when your feelings were pretentious and its sad cause thats the **** that i was missin like the front that you projected I accept it cause I ain't wanna be rejected. I was simply being reckless. I should've seen it comin seemed like you were mischief. kind of wish I was ignorant cause ignorance is bliss and id rather forget your kiss, forget to miss, climb out this abyss, and have these feelings dismissed, not trynna reminisce... anymore
Dec 2015 · 573
evol
Kaylee L Dec 2015
i may be a demon.
i honestly think we all are.

but its the person that exorcises you,
that shows you love and forces you to fall.
Nov 2015 · 191
old me
Kaylee L Nov 2015
im sorry baby girl, i think im playing you.
Jun 2015 · 316
Alcohol abused
Kaylee L Jun 2015
my dad chose the lower road,
alcohol took away my childhood.
dad might as well have not been around,
my mom raised me better than he ever could.
Jun 2015 · 2.1k
self love
Kaylee L Jun 2015
These poor females strive for a size zero and thigh gaps when in reality they're perfect as a size 16 thick thighs and a fat ***. With all that make up on its harder to see you so lets look in the mirror and clear the glass. Those scars and stretch marks are nothing but stories, they show you're strong and you made it out your past. You made it past your insecurities and all the stresses. So dont try to hide behind the make up and big clothes, go find yourself a couple cute dresses. You're beautiful I swear its true. Why would I stare you in the eye with admiration and lie to you. If dresses ain't your thing it ain't no problem. I dont like that **** either I accepted myself sagged my pants and said **** em. Cause its self love for a reason. **** what they think cause they'll try to shoot you down like its an open season.
Jun 2015 · 517
troubled generation
Kaylee L Jun 2015
I had dreams last night but I ain't know they were dreams cause it was more of a reality. People dying people crying man the ***** more like a tragedy. So I guess they weren't dreams but more like nightmares. We got kids flashin cash that they momma made. Trappin rappin and spending what they momma saved. Kids jumpin kids for shoes not stoppin till heads are caved. Now that I think of it this is a reality and this path needs to be repaved.
We need more kids to be leaders. Lower tempers so these kids dont get so heated. These simple changes are easy to make rather than to give up and act defeated. Were in a war that can't be won. Our people fighting each other as if making no progress and killing were fun. Our protectors attacking our innocent and shoot recklessly with guns. If we dont take a stand and dont fight for our right then were done. Its not gonna be easy but we need to take action cause this battles already begun. Put down your fists and guns and open your mouths because its our biggest weapon.
Feb 2015 · 298
measured beauty
Kaylee L Feb 2015
I never thought I'd see the day I shed a tear about my weight.I never thought I'd see the day Id want to limit my meals to change the way I feel.I never thought I'd see the day that Id see weight as a short coming when my mom is one of the most beautiful women I know and is thick. to me it was as if her weight made her beautiful. her beauty became my biggest insecurity. I never thought I'd see the day I was scared of the scale as if what it read back to me defined me. I am no less beautiful that a size zero. just as a size 28 is no less beautiful than me. I am beautiful for who I am on the inside. I am beautiful for what I do. I am not beautiful for what you see..  we are simply beautiful because you are you and I am me.
Nov 2014 · 545
sin for love
Kaylee L Nov 2014
Even if I could go back to the beginning,
I wouldnt change the fact that we're sinning.
we're steady fighting,
Even when we're losing were winning
we go through the worst but come out the best.
she's a keeper,
I swear I got no reason to stress.
Nov 2014 · 1.5k
anxiety attacked
Kaylee L Nov 2014
ice bath through my veins.
my chest caves in.
wrists bound in chains.

the tears flow.
I can't speak.
no one knows.
can barely stand on my feet..

Heat wave.
trembles.
I can't be saved.
suffocation.
helplessness.
to my head, I'm slaved.
if you ever wonder what it's like
Oct 2014 · 189
Untitled
Kaylee L Oct 2014
I'm begging you to recognize the pain that Im in.
Oct 2014 · 1.4k
goodnight
Kaylee L Oct 2014
that last kiss
that last text
that last look
I don't know
where to go
but right now
all I know is
you were wrong
this is right
save your words
save the fight
I'll leave it be
as for now
I'll close my eyes
and say goodnight.

you led me out of denial.
just writing
Oct 2014 · 744
dream away
Kaylee L Oct 2014
I held her hand and she repeated after "I do".  I looked in her eyes and our lives started new. together as one.  our future ahead.  the children to come. to our happy ending, I led.

her hearts my home,
I awoke.
I wanna go back into a coma..
Jul 2014 · 8.6k
Gay is ok. Rewrite Religion
Kaylee L Jul 2014
I got writers block somethin serious, like no other. But I'm ready to drown my feelings and put them down under. I just know I'm not letting my life get taken away from your conservative mother. Why can't she just take those beliefs and treat em like somethin to smother. I don't want you to leave and listen to her and go find yourself a brother. You are my calm, my rain, but all Im hearing is thunder.
Jul 2014 · 598
7/14/14
Kaylee L Jul 2014
Her lips are intoxicating.
Her body is hypnotic.
The way she speaks alone is simply symbolic.
Her words are for strength and unending devotion.
She took my heart and claimed it all with one slight motion.

The arch of her mouth and the show of that smile,
that one last kiss led me out of denial.
She's the love of my world, that seemed to tragic.
you started this fire burning, with just one matchstick.
So flimsy and fragile, like the day we first met.
That one single strike, easily had our hearts lit.
May 2014 · 743
Bad Trip
Kaylee L May 2014
Drugs are enticing and exciting
She did it for the thrill, they were so inviting.

Pill after pill needle after needle
As she lit another j, she became more feeble

She kept her door locked along with her lips.
She wouldn't tell anyone, reality started to slip.

Theres no need to worry she did it all the time. She had no cares in the world and snorted another line.

This time wasn't like the rest, she was soon to know, like the older addicts, she was the next to go.

No one was aware how her mental would dip. She wasn't aware this was her last ******* trip.
May 2014 · 277
10w heartbreak
Kaylee L May 2014
decided to Trust fall as she took a step back.
May 2014 · 588
25
Kaylee L May 2014
25
She's my sanctuary,
I take refuge straight into her arms..
I'm home..

***** you bein 50
Nah more like 25
Just know none of that was lies

I swear on everything,
This is some ****.
Shoulda seen that I was nothing..
I'm sorry.. My mistress

Seems you found your way boo...
But don't ever ****** forget..
I love you.
Words In my head.. Knives in my heart
May 2014 · 2.2k
Morality
Kaylee L May 2014
If mortality were more based off morality than the way things happen practically; things and emotion wouldn't come forth dramatically; the good wouldn't die young and the bad would die drastically.
May 2014 · 364
Show me a sign
Kaylee L May 2014
God if you're out there
Could you show me a sign.
is there purpose to life.
cause I'm tired of tryin
It's hard to stand tall
When you're forced to fall..
Give me something ...
Something to fight for..
Open a few doors
Pick me up off this cold floor.
Cause I don't want to give up.
I want to show what I'm made of.

So god if your out there...
Just give me a sign.
Allow me to see
Cause I've been so blind.
What am I here for?
Let me show you more.
I'm sure I can be
What you made me believe,
Was perfect... *Perfect and flawed.
May 2014 · 430
Those Three Words
Kaylee L May 2014
I read the words and my heart dropped, to say the least. Not sure if it was because of what they meant or because they were said to me.

Feelings are hard to judge and I want to be sure the next time the words spill out my mouth. I've got to be fair to you.. But true to myself cause I can say anything without having second doubts. Yet the words would mean nothing.

I guess I'm just as scared to admit as to realize it because if I'm honest to my heart I'd tell you that I did too.

"I love you"
May 2014 · 295
Beautiful Pain
Kaylee L May 2014
Love is happiness, pain and thoughts of suicide. It's when two innocent peoples hearts collide. Still so young and unknowing of what lie ahead. And clueless to every word that they've ever said.

Not knowing what those words can do. They can catch your heart.. But tear it apart too. They tend to categorize what love your in. But whatever you say it is, it all comes to an end.

Wether it's a lie, a cheat or a steal, it all ends to soon against any deal. You said it'd be forever and always, but you soon become strangers to pass on the walkways. You say that you're over them, and soon enough you will be, but you constantly think of them and you know you loved undoubtedly.

After your first love, you're terrified. You don't want it again but you know you both tried. Some things just don't work out. But you'll remember them forever, that's no doubt.

I'd say just throw your heart back out there, but I know it's hard. There is someone out there, you just don't know who they are.
Old from notes
May 2014 · 377
Against the world..
Kaylee L May 2014
Many miles seems pretty far. But I'd go the lengths of the world to be where you are.

Lost in your actions. And hypnotized by the moment. I could've stayed right there, as long as I could own it.

I'm high off of you.. I could easily just jump and take flight. Take my hand and we can run away.. Unless.. You do in fact.. Plan to stay..
"And with all the mistakes I've made, you're still listenin'"
May 2014 · 426
Requited likeness
Kaylee L May 2014
You strum my heart in the most beautiful of ways. Like those sweet melodies you had sat and played. I felt my heart drop and the voices silenced. Yet all at the same times my feelings for you became requited.

That guitar sounded just about as beautiful as you looked that day.. I was lost in the music.. No matter how hard I tried I just couldn't look away... I lost myself in you.
May 2014 · 972
Untold
Kaylee L May 2014
The walls are caving in..
There's not much more I can Take.
The anxiety is taking over..
All these feelings I can't fake.
I like you a lot.. But I guess now it's too late.
I guess I'll just get over you
I'll repeat that as my heart breaks
May 2014 · 271
Silent conversations
Kaylee L May 2014
I told her I didn't know what to say..
She told me then I shouldn't say anything. We sat in complete silence ... But we said so much...

I listened to her heart break. I felt mine cry for help.
May 2014 · 453
G.G
Kaylee L May 2014
G.G
There's something about a girl with a guitar..

The moment she plays, you get lost and forget who you are.

Just for that brief moment... Your dreams and realities don't seem so far.
May 2014 · 322
My demons can swim
Kaylee L May 2014
Yet once again,
Rain came down to drown my sins
May 2014 · 322
drunken nights
Kaylee L May 2014
My mind is like Daytona...
The same thought paces ...
One thought turns to many..
And a face turns to faces..
Thoughts get twisted..
Tangled, double knotted laces..
I hate the loneliness that comes with it.
I search for anyone in the lowest of places.
Whoever stays longest is of great appreciation..
I guess people take company the wrong way. Everyone's asleep.. I'll turn to inebriation.
Smallest of happenings can change the direction your writing was going
May 2014 · 721
The Cycle
Kaylee L May 2014
What's it about?
Nothing I'm just writing
seems interesting
I guess words are enticing
they make me wonder
They can also be exciting
do you mean what you say
Are you saying I'm lying?
i think I'm in love with you
I guess words are inviting.
be mine?
No that's not what I was trying..
but you said those sweet words
No wait why're you crying..
you were leading me on*
But they were my words you were buying.
Poets are difficult to love. They're too easy with words and know what you want to hear.
May 2014 · 301
Hatred
Kaylee L May 2014
You're
just
a
sorry
***
excuse
for
a
human
being
May 2014 · 344
Devoted Words
Kaylee L May 2014
All my words come from reason. If not for you, they're for me, they give me something to believe in.
May 2014 · 306
What am I doing..
Kaylee L May 2014
Heartbreaker, heart taker, I know what I am. I'm so ******* sorry .. I'm doing what I can. I am in love, I can't help it. I don't know what to do with the cards that I'm dealt with.

This is too much I'd rather be dead.. Just know I'm Sorry for all the misleading words That I've said.
Triangle square.
keep it up? I won't dare.
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