I didn't think that
You would ever come around
But I'm glad you did

Best friends.
Boyfriend?
No.
Strangers.

I sobbed
It wasn't pretty
Like you once said I was

I can break you in an instant
But you destroyed me over time

We were incompatible
Oil and water that wouldn't mix
But we still managed to get shaken up

So yeah, I'm gone
But you're the one who left

I am sitting on a ledge in the median of the hallway
my back to a wall and a book filled with heartbroken poetry sitting upon my lap
timed perfectly, classes let out and I am alone in my happy place
as the world races on around me
I look up for a moment, my eyes are drawn to crossed legs and tan heeled boots that make that "clicking" noise when I walk
Its loud.
But it makes a subtle rioting statement and I feel powerful when I walk
I turn the page
the next block of classes begin and the hallway returns to its peaceful state
it matches my thoughts
I continue on my tranquil journey in a book of another girl's pain, sorry, love
Ironic.
the time betrays me
sadly I pack up my belongings, gingerly stuffing the pages into my bag
And then, six months later, a boy in a black, orange and white flannel, who I know all too well
drifts past like a phantom in the wrong dimension
I don't notice him
his hat was on backwards
he finally grew out his beard
and I don't know who he is
until his gaze traps my body in his eyes
I don't know him, so I don't notice as my mouth forms into an almost not quite smile of nonrecognition
but he watches me. and I get up to leave
a second of hesitation I turn the corner too late
he's gone

with great writing anything is possible
and sometimes we have to write that disorganized poem
to get our thoughts out
we write not to please you
to be judged by your biased eyes
but to cure us of our troubles
in the best way we know how
and to me every line is perfect
every syllable, word, and sound
I write not for your benefit
but entirely for mine

Bare wrists
Dressed in red
Bands wrap
Around uncovered skin

Choking on pain
Scarlet pools
Baby blues
Purple bruise

Canvas arms
Circling colors
Bubbles gurgling
Clean cut

We still aren't talking
And that's ok.
I don't like it
But I tried to fix things
I wonder what you now think of me
...Maybe it's best I don't know?
Maybe you don't want to be reminded
Of me
But what do you think of
When you play the CD I gave you for your birthday?
I wonder
Did you throw it out?
I doubt that
You loved it
You even told me so
Now I guess I have no choice left
But to believe I venture into your mind when you drive, with music playing loud
So yeah, we aren't talking
But that's ok

suede black flats ***** out the buzz
of the microscopic pest swarming around me
it took three tries before the car door
became a molecular ****** mess
the body splattered abstract blood
extracted from an unwilling, unknown "donor"
And yet, I sat unscathed for the remainder of the drive.

a year out, guileless
I now resume, wait, resume?
fear not, I'll add it

roofless, riding
open air
skirts float up, same with hair
silver rolling dollar sign
loving legs
tanned and crossed

He told me point blank:
"Oh, I'm not just anyone"
Stupid. I listened

you can train the trees he says
as a pair of garden shears take hold
and snip the lengthened limbs that stretch toward the house
guided not in
but up and out
the branches will follow
and I stand eyes fixed up from below
arms raised high above my head to steady the ladder
his feet find balance in
and I wonder
what would have happened if those synapses hadn’t been pruned?
would the evergreens still grow or reach new heights
had they not been subject to their sapling surroundings and watchful eye of the gardener?
what would I become if left up to nature's desire
unaffected by the calculated, planned attendance of the caretaker
would that fate still take root?

Okay, sure I left
We did agree to talk
maybe empty words?
I'm not hurting
or falling apart
But we can still speak
pleasantries?
I'm not gone forever you know

I saw a lonely daffodil
Growing just across the street
I climbed an oak high until
The sky changed into ground below

Maybelline Beauty
She walked down the street
Down to the corner, where they were to meet

With eyes that held mysteries
Arms full of past histories
She was a sweet melody
A rhythm to his song

Maybelline Beauty
A smile so grand
A laugh so divine
He grabbed hold of her hand

Maybelline Beauty
Down to her core
A pretty persona,
She acted so pure

...And maybe she's born with it,
That Maybelline Beauty

Make it stop
Today was a good day
I feel happy
I keep telling myself
Don't let the emptiness creep back in
I'm supported, I'm loved
I know this
I feel it
But doubt is never ending
and I know it can come back
I don't want it to
I'm okay now
I'm free
at least I thought that I was
and I'm scared
please don't leave me
I can't get close
I recoil
I pull back
It's what I do
But I don't want it to be like this
because as soon as I feel loved and content
I remember that I can loose it all
so its better not to risk it
But I want to
half the time at least
I'm scared
don't let me get dark again
I can't handle that anymore

sweet things always hold out
but salty things will always do
that's why I liked popcorn
until they made kettle corn
now how can I possibly choose?

They won't always like you
They won't always be there for you
Hell, they might even hate you
But if they don't care enough to stick around,
Why waste your time caring what they think?

You know, if you replete a word over and over, it won't sound the same
And this holds true with everything
Except for your name

How many hearts do I have to break before I feel complete?

Call me turbulent
Exploding with emotions
I'm honestly disturbed

There* is temporary.
There is love,
and there is happiness,
but here is now.
I wish I was back there.

i wish
i wish i was
i wish i was a priority
i wish i was your priority

Micromanage
Micro---(soft)
Telescope for viewing
Possibilities endless

Limitations.
Degradations.
...feeling microscopic

8:02
It was the time that I thought of you
Your laugh, your smile
Its all so cliche

8:05
And now my mind is raging
I miss you, I need you
If just for a day

8:07
Now my soul is aching
My heart is screaming, its breaking
I'm falling apart in every way

He was a glow in the dark star
Soaking up my love all day
Taking it in
Until night came
And he sent back
all of my love from the day
In a matter of minutes
the plastic star went dark

I danced with a boy
he was cute
I didn't care
he had forgotten my name
I had met him only once
he thought he was cute
he thought I would care
I danced with a boy
we danced around topics
I didn't care
he fell in love with every dance

you find your place in surfboard suburbs
moving in circles
and you are water
existing in multiple different states
only one of which is mine--
Virginia

I stare at an empty ceiling
because I gave him mine with the stars

I don't understand what you're trying to say
These letters don't form words
Into thoughts formed from fragments

I don't understand what you're trying to explain
Your ideas and suggestions make no sense to me
You may have a point, but I can't figure it out

I don't understand what you want me to know

i wonder if i run my fingers through my hair one more time if it will all fall out
I worry, will it be caused by stress or the aftermath of its effects?
turn my head
watch me crane my neck
self conscious nape tugs
my attention is nudged
don't stop
don't drop anything
roll forward like a steam engine
my head is spiraling off track
down the nerves of my spinal cord
prioritize high priorities
of a thousand column long list of
number one importance
to progress does not mean progress
alas, I digress

I act like you care to hide that you're lying

She's jealous of me
No, not jealous
I sound condescending
Let me try again
She meant it as an insult
Fully knowing how it sounded
Like a sick compliment
But she meant it of course
And still it stung
She works tirelessly
Oh, how could I forget
I try, sure, she says
At the last minute
So yes, I'd say she's jealous
Though I'd never really mean it