my heart is empty
my lungs are burdened
my happiness is gone for now

my eyes miss their sparkle
my cheeks long to smile, but
my mind forgot how

why don't we
just curl up together
in the soft blankets of my bed
we'll shut out the world
and all of its harm
and be cozy together instead

your heart breaks in two
mine is crushed by its pieces
let's start rebuilding

humans everywhere
only one is meant for me
what horrible odds

you, old friend, have lost yourself
all life has left your eyes

your emotion is gone
your passion - gone

when i left, did your life leave too?

leave behind so much
when we start an adventure
hoping for better

i spotted your face from miles away
and here you were, here in my world
but this didn't seem right
why were you here?

so i moved closer to you
and asked what you were doing here
you started talking about moving
about doing anything to live closer to me

your words rambled, but I picked up a few
mostly I just looked at you
but the next words you said
changed my life forever


"I just wanted to tell you that I love you"


I was on a cloud of happiness I'd never neared before
every part of me weakened and all I wanted was a kiss
he was my dream guy- a guy I already loved
and now he loved me too*



of course, my heart was soon crushed
when my alarm went off
I opened my eyes
and there you weren't

that's all we have
before i leave for months.
one more chance
to make us "us"

i admit, i'm nervous
for failure- for a mistake.
what if i don't look right,
or i mumble, or i shake?

but i guess we'll see
what starts or ends.
will we be a couple,
or just stay friends?

each time you announce a flaw, a part of me cowers
am i really that horrible?

you seek out every mistake i've ever made
every single imperfection

how can i possibly measure up?
how can i end this abuse?

this power you have over me is overwhelming
and **i won't put up with it anymore

i was sure i knew
what earthly evil looked like.
but then i met you

-your arms-
          they lift me up
-your words-
          hold me together

but those eyes...
         they melt my heart

just one day
is all i need

to recover my smile
and my inner peace

one day of calm
with no one to please

brightens my world
like it always should be

college (optional)
working (optional)
family (determined)

friends (optional)
future (optional)
death (certain)

surrounded by love
and chaos and busyness
totally content :)

My Beloved,

I wonder where you rest your head tonight
I wonder the warmth of your skin
I wonder if you laughed, or cried today
I wonder what your hope lies in

I wonder if you have talent, or wittiness, or charm
I wonder if you wish to have me tucked beneath your arm

I wonder where you are tonight and why you're not with me
But I know soon enough, My Love, together we will be

it takes over*

it suffocates my thoughts

it steals my breath

and crushes my *joy

your old socks haunt me
as they linger in my drawer

Touching all my innocent matched pairs.

you had slipped them to me
one frosty night when the cold nipped at my toes

An act of a gentleman.


but now what am i to do?
you're gone, but your socks remain

Each opening of my drawer kindles the coldness I feel.

you and your socks betrayed me
none of you comfort me anymore

*But at least the socks decided to stay.

how fast time goes by
when you wish it away. time
please come back to me

i rid my mind
of darkness and depth
and a feeling of joy
is all i have left

The sun is coming.
The rain will end.
Hope is approaching!
Can you see it?
The last raindrop has fallen and
The clouds are rolling back.
Light is peeking through!
Can you see it?
The face of the sun
Emerges and shines.
Hope has arrived!
*Can you see it?

I wish you had loved me.
I wish you had tried.
I hate that you left me.
I hate that I cried.

I wanted your heart.
I wanted your time.
You gave me neither, but
You sure stole mine.

I wish I could forget.
I wish I could move on too.
I hate that I miss us.
I hate that I can't hate you.

don't we all deserve
to live a life that no one
has the right to take?

look                                                       look  ­
                  at                                            ­                            at  
              how                                           ­                              how
        strong                 ­                                                            perfe­ct
    he                                                          ­                                          she
is                      <- look at how we destroy ourselves ->                     is            
    and                                           ­                                                     and
        how                                                  ­                                    how
             weak                                                             ­         flawed
                    i                            ­                                               i
                ­       am                                                           am

it's so hard to be happy
when you're so far away.
how am i to live?
how can i survive today?

i've been on a search
but mostly i feel stranded.
why should i keep looking?
why shouldn't i abandon?

sometimes i don't understand
why you aren't here now,
but life wouldn't be life
if i knew every why and how.

inevitable
that I would love; totally
undeniable

today i thought of you,
i craved to sit with you and chat.
i had forgotten how you left me,
how you want no part of "that".

the rain washes down the window,
drowning my soul in part.
now the only rush i feel
is an empty, broken heart.

i watched you grow to love me,
waiting for you to commit.
who knew i'd be left lonely,
this is life now. this is it.

I'm waiting for You
waiting to find You
waiting to love You

I'm longing to see You
to learn all about You
to spend my days with You

so while I wait
I'll pray for You and
love You unconditionally

I'm here My Love
waiting for You
to come and rescue Me

all is lost; hopeless.
until from out of the skies
our redemption comes.