It took me one sleepless night of writing
poems about you 
poems about us
of quietly suffering under the sheets of my bed
of letting the darkness around me enter
of letting desire consume my head.

It took me one sleepless night of writing
to promise I'll always put myself first
to hold my own hand
to lift myself up 
when I'm at my worst.

Because darling, you may have the most tender fingers
But who got me out of the sheets today?
It was myself
because I'm here alone
and you are so many miles          a w a y.

granny said
"just don't fall in love, my dear",
she said, "let your
body move softly
eyes blink charmingly
lips smile so sweetly
drive him crazy

but just don't fall in love, my dear"

i'm sorry, granny,
i couldn't move when he first kissed me
couldn't look him in the eyes
my lips were shaking
my smile was so shy

i'm sorry, granny,
i think i'm the one
who's driving crazy

you wrote me you would be back in a week
i could have sworn i wasn't falling again
but since i started counting the days left
i'm not quite that sure anymore

but this heart
oh this stupid little thing
as innocent as a child
as wild as a raging storm
tearing down trees and homes

it runs after you
like it's freakin' crazy
with all it has
with all it ever had
trips and falls
survives and
arises from the dust

scars bleeding
knees skinned
barely breathing
keep on going

and i'm so afraid
it will get there
i'm so afraid

they say hearts are wild creatures
that's why our ribs are cages

well i guess today
this heart
it ran 
it freakin' ran away

feeling too much
or nothing at all
from hot to cold
to hot
to cold again
with her heart on fire
with her soul in flames

getting lost
throwing herself into the fray
running around
from the left to the right
to the left
to the right again
with a heart on fire
with a soul in flames

trapped in the crowd
loosing her way
completely lost
to find herself someday

slumped

staring into these eyes until
not seeing eyes anymore
but a fuse of colours
blue and grey and black and white

touching the cold glass
of the mirror in front

when
when the hell
will you stop
steadily revealing your heart to her
so that she can break it
again and
all over again

because the other night we had together
you didn't just touch every line of my face
like the downward arch of my lips
or the tip of my nose
you didn't just touch every line of my body
all the way down my spine
or the bones of my hip

because the other night we had together
you didn't just touch skin and bones

you touched so much more than that
something fingers cannot reach