In my apartment I often hide
Catching glimpses
Of nature that exists outside

Deeply rooted the trees remain dignified…
They know it’s not them
But the people who have me terrified

Sometimes being authentic
Is allowing yourself
To be who you are
Even when who you are
Is someone really special

i walk along the shoreline
filled with the familiar need to disappear
the emptiness beckons me
it plays its rushing melodies
temptation drawing me in
shame pushing me out

crouching forward
i press my palms into the earth
cool and damp
beside the water i now lay
i pull myself in closer
curled up so tightly
i dissolve into sand

I know that I am doing just fine
But I still think of you from time to time

It's been a year since first we spoke
Since we shared your favourite smokes

I'm half way through my first degree
Your intellect still inspires me

The pain is dull but remains the same
Seeking the closure that never came

It's like I'm in The Twilight Zone
No longer seeking someone to call my own

It's simple, yet strange to see
That this is what you did to me

I am grateful knowing I don't need anyone
There will never be another to hurt me and run

But there are times I think of you
And they ****, they really do

There was a light I no longer know
From when I believed that love could grow



I miss the times when I believed...
That there was something bigger than me

This morning
I dreamt of you
I can't help but ask...
Did you dream of me too?

We took refuge
In a fort in a tree
With Minecraft t-shirts
And cartoons on the TV

My nose was pierced
But I took it out
There was nothing but certainty
No feelings of doubt

Your hands traced
Over my body
It was the first time we had
That kind of intimacy

I felt the freedom
When you entered me
Kissing deeply
And giggling light heartedly

We tried the position
You always wanted to
I laid down
My back to you

It was when I turned over
Playing the little spoon
That I heard my neighbour
Coming home too soon

As the door slammed
I knew it was fantasy
I still felt my hand on yours
Resting on my hip gently

Falling from the astral plane
Feeling like celestial being
I took a dive from the stars
It felt like my soul was torn from yours

I crashed into my body
Tears in my eyes
I swear to God you were with me
Soaring above those skies

"There are others,
Don't worry, just wait and see!"
There are others they say,
So patronizingly

Yes, there are others,
Lots of fish in the sea,
Lots of others that are
Cookie cutter debris

"You'll meet someone perfect,
they are waiting for you!"
I met the one I want
He just didn't want me too

Am I too forthcoming,
Or not giving enough?
Can it be my dreams
Are too far to touch?

Why must I lay,
So empty in my bed?
Imagine the glory of my lips
Wrapped around your ****'s head

I liked you
I thought you liked me too
                 I liked you
I didn't need wine to pull through

I liked you
But I was a fool
                 I liked you
I just couldn't play it cool

I liked you
And it was easy, you see
                 I liked you
You said it yourself, you were another version of me

I liked you
Now all that has changed
                 I liked you
I'll date dudes and won't care about their names

I liked you
You were so complimentary
                 I liked you
Until you let me fall empty

I liked you
As Icarus for you were the sun
                 I liked you
You taught me to burn them and run

I liked you
It's clear now to see
                 I liked you
I'll destroy them all before they destroy me

We both know I ain't a poet
& I sure as hell can't sing
But I do it 'cause of you, man
Yeah, I do it 'cause of you

I write these stupid words
I sing these ****** songs
& I do it all for you, man
Yeah...I do it all for you.

It flickers
on the screen
the last
of what
was soon to be
amazing things

I sank.
Thinking it was safe to swim.
I drowned in every piece of you.

Some of her hairs grew longer than the others
In the outline of her silhouette in the afternoon sun
they shined in rebellion
sparse and lovely and greyed with age
I'd never seen a lady move so elegantly
Defying the subtleties that marked her age
She could run and play
And speak and charm
At rest she looked her youngest
She smiled in content as her chest raised and fell
She mimicked a breeze in late spring
In the dawn of the afternoon sun

I look in the mirror
It's such a waste
Why does this surface
Reflect my face

I awake in torment
Spine twisted
Teeth aching from clenching so tightly

I pass the realm of lucidity
Trying to grasp the voices I hear
From the stairway above

They still infest my deepest nightmares
**I know what they have done

Being the other side of the breaking point made me realize that I am happier alone.
Something is very flawed when you have to damage someone for the sake of sheltering yourself.
To keep the thoughts of ugliness out.
When you're with them you are raw, exposed.
The only person who can make you feel worse than yourself is the person who loves you the most.
The irony, when you are their epitome of beauty but your mind won't surrender the idea that compared to all the other beauties in the world you are absolutely nothing.

Take a plane
Wander roads
Travelled by
Heavier feet
Jump on a train
To the nearest check point
Saddle up in a car
Cozy beside
Soon-to-be distant friends

Passionless
An absent heart
Where does the benefit lie
A victor of youth
Is the road better travelled
The one mapped out for you

Like that cheap fluorescent eye shadow
The one you wear too much of
That overwhelms your face...
Doesn't suit you well

Found an end to your means
A cul-de-sac
Leading you back to you
Never found the words
To the song your heart still sings
Never knew yourself

A shadow of the pillars around you
When the earth quakes
Fragile beams fall
Blistered, shattered and spent
The remains of legend
Sand amongst columns


A grain of salt
In the scheme of certainty

Tell me,

How does one
Write something sentimental
Without sentiment?

Echo in a shadow
Grey in the depths
Eclipse to the sun
Golden lining
The means to an end

She moves the sea with grace
Choreographs its tides
Like a melody she plays
The waves that recede
The ones that grow in hope
On a boat rests the last pearl

The moon returns
An adytum for me
Its haunting beams
So softly speak
Whispering a gentle promise
To hide and caress

Do you remember the nights of screaming cries
Of pleas to dissolve within those sheets
Destructive thoughts that felt like home
When dawn broke
It cracked the sky
Marking an eternity passed
I hate the light
The break of day
Its promise never as sweet
For it reveals all I am
So rich in sin

Without hope to forever live
Within that darkened sky
In gentle night and moon's dark guise
The day breaks as it always does
Staring into the eyes of the sun
My gaze is stuck as it speaks my sins
I am blinded by the unveiled truth
Forever to live within the darkness  
Without the burden of my soul

I still remember the planes of your face
The detail in your eyes
The warmth of you provided
On those cool August nights

The edge of your hatred
Still presses against my heart
And I will continue to lay restless
While I fall apart

I crave your taste
Still picking up your scent
Your golden eyes glistening
Still cast their spell

I'll sit here sober-minded
Rotting in my bed
Empty glass of ice
In my trembling hands
Until that honey warm liquid
Trickles down my throat

An addict to your being
A slave to your form
Oh Sweetening pleasure
Grace me with your presence
Take away this reality
That's killing me
Worse than your poison

*edited 2012

The sadness comes relentlessly, like the storms none of us can control
The darkness a hurricane destroying all in its path
My emotions, thoughts, ambitions and dreams left frayed bits of dampened timber
the days it takes to repair all that has been left behind causes the loss of motivation
A community cannot be built , thus happiness cannot be restored in my life
Even on the brightest of days houses are left half torn, half safe
Cars overturned and mailboxes in fields where crops once grew
The efforts are useless, nothing can be repaired because
There is always a hurricane on the horizon
Ready to damage all that has been replaced

I've lived in shards
You can see the stories
Within these scars
They sink so deep
Like that alcoholic sleep

The one you fall into
When you drown
Drink more sweet Rose
Drink that whiskey down

They are calling
Those demons again
At such a cost their medicine is priced
"Drink with us!
Come ruin your life!"

I have made a mockery
Of what is me
In that gin-soaked reality
It strikes my life in such a way
Funny thing is,
I'll be drinking today!

Slender as a winter's tree;
I miss the shape of your body

The melody hung
like a burnt echo in the air

A swan's song mirrored
My deepest despair

How gentle it was
Her soft mellow ring

On the banks of the shore
It was only spring


The dawn of the season
Does not mark life's death

Though her song still echoed
As she laid to rest


The flowers spread
On the ground like a disease

Their infection hollowed
The moon's glistening


The gentle swan's song
The beauty of its despair

Mirrored the tragicomedy
Of romance's fair


Once spring has come
A swan does not die

Yet upon the shore
She surely did lie
As her death's melody
Came to me in a chime

I felt that her song
Was a reflection of mine



Twilight breaks
Through night's still skies

I have walked these shores
In many lives

In each I return
My veil softly hung

In sorrow for the swan
Whose last song is sung

A mirrored reflection of a faded ash sky
Reversed and dulled
It is the majesty of the night
Disguised by false truth
With a simple gesture of the eye
Its true colours can be seen
A sun lying to rest upon its horizon
The glow of light, the warmth of day
Dancing so faintly
Injecting fusions of pink upon night's purple dawning
In its reflection there is no such beauty
Where is the truth within a mirror
In the sunset of ones soul