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Kathleen M Oct 2017
Manic intensity manic elation so high sunshine is melting my wings so ******* hope filled songsinging research doing life clinginging savour filled so proud and grateful I cry compulsively uncontrollably restless tight skin playing caught up the righteous anger and the swift guilt
To
Deep ocean crushing eternally sleeping everything is awful I'm a failure sloth in the pit depression in the earth I am the pit and the lead and my only purpose is discomfort to the flat empty that void the void in my chest that swallows it all Swallows me down so uncontrollably to the darkest places I sedate and prevent the scars but that abyss in my body threatens to become implosion.

I'm so drained, so worn through with feeling, the inbetween place eludes me continuously
I don't know what shape the middle mild propotunate feelings have.
Kathleen M Sep 2017
I've got lead bones and not enough muscle to lift them
The blanket of bipolar depression
Is heavy
I'm crushed in the grinding teeth of paranoia and anxiety
They like to hold hands and jump around together
Stomping me down
Until I am a depression in the earth
Until I fill with rainwater
I am a cup continually filled and emptied
Running between the drought and the flood
The inbetween doesn't exist here
Just valleys and hills
High cliffs and sharp drop offs
Kathleen M Sep 2017
Do I take a clonazepam
Do I take a seroquel
Do I take the new antipsychotic
Tight skin
Tight skin
Tight skin
If i smoke **** do I long term fertilize my paranoia
Is there a way to live without sedation
Tight skin
Tight skin
Tight skin
Agitation
Irritation
Sensitivity
Anxiety
Paranoia
The collective static of the tension spots

Internal screaming
Waiting for the clonazepam to kick in
Kathleen M Mar 2017
There is a reckless tenancy to leave the door of my life wide open "come in come in its cold out there" I realize I've only welcomed the cold in.
Kathleen M Mar 2017
I am the last grain of sand in the hour glass. I await the fall.
Kathleen M Feb 2017
So I woke up feeling crushed and sad, my anxiety and my depression were screaming. My intrusive thoughts woke before I did.
So I fight back with hope.
Science and hope until my negativity feels so small in a universe so vast.
So small against the wonder of the universe, how small my hurt is amongst the vast light of countless suns. How insignificant in comparison to the depths of the oceans and the power of storms and solar flares. I am small, so is my hurt, I am strong enough to shoulder and carry it long enough to feel the wonder overtake me.
Kathleen M Jul 2016
Guthrie is a man made of garbage
His dreams they rot and leak
He has banana peel hair
Hes got old martini olive eyes
But did you see him before the light died
Years ago
Way back to a time when charm and wit flowed freely from his mouth
His tongue a silver spoon
His dealing hand like a golden talon
Tryna ***** the light out
His feet the vehicle taking him to paradise
He says "you only live once, better live the burning life."
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