I just want to make you smile
Again.

I can feel you drifting slowly along with the current
Further away from where I wait for you

I don't feel my mind is steady
I am restless and I know it isn't you, but me who is slipping away
Vanishing.

I can not break free from this hypnosis
In so deeply, that I'm entranced by the very existence
And all I have in my mind is the memories of my life, as it is my life that evades me
I see the very image of what I've become
A picture, looking through the glass
My reflection.

But the one staring back at me was unfamiliar. It's eyes were shadowed with evil- It's face, a twisted smile

Can't you hear me calling for you?
My voice, echoes into an abyss

Don't you see how rapidly I fall?

You were supposed to save me

Trial and error
Run in circles throughout my life
Teaching me that there is no decision
Without Consequence

All that my parents left me
After they raised me
Their strict rules of right and wrong
Became meaningless
And they became the examples of sin
That they'd raised me to hate

I don't understand how
Things fell apart so easily
Nor can I comprehend the way
It will all turn out in the end

Even as a young adult, I am finding
myself highly confused
If my parents are allowed to do these things....
Are they living in sin?
Or is sin even real?

I contemplate so many factors in my life
Like how I can't refrain from hurting myself
Or the way I fight so hard each day not to chip away and hurt someone I love
I am toxic and am decaying so quickly
That I can't even see straight
The images all blend and bend

I can't work
I can't sleep
I can't even function or do
The easiest things
But of all the things I wish I couldn't do;
I can breathe

I don't understand why things have to be this way. I don't even understand why I need help.
Still I go in fear of losing myself
But I was never my own person to begin with

Trial and error
Run in circles throughout my life
Teaching me that there is no decision
Without Consequence

All that my parents left me
After they raised me
Their strict rules of right and wrong
Became meaningless
And they became the examples of sin
That they'd raised me to hate

I don't understand how
Things fell apart so easily
Nor can I comprehend the way
It will all turn out in the end

Even as a young adult, I am finding
myself highly confused
If my parents are allowed to do these things....
Are they living in sin?
Or is sin even real?

I contemplate so many factors in my life
Like how I can't refrain from hurting myself
Or the way I fight so hard each day not to chip away and hurt someone I love
I am toxic and am decaying so quickly
That I can't even see straight
The images all blend and bend

I can't work
I can't sleep
I can't even function or do
The easiest things
But of all the things I wish I couldn't do;
I can breathe

I don't understand why things have to be this way. I don't even understand why I need help.
Still I go in fear of losing myself
But I was never my own person to begin with

Your light of hope
Seems so dim anymore
My hope in this life;
My dreams are there
But they seem further away from me
I dream of a day
Where I can provide
Yearn for a life where
I am always on the climb
Instead of being trapped upon the
Earth

Distant dreams
Are tragedies
But your words
Had offered peace to me
The way you were always so confident in me and always told me to be anything my heart could ever dream
Your voice...
    Your words....
         Were like a symphony
The way you loved me
        
         Unconditionally

...She passed away in the beauty of spring
And how I long to hear her voice
To let it comfort me
Can she see how far I've come?
I keep pressing towards my dreams
But gravity is too strong
Let your eternal love offer me strength
Although worlds apart,
I pray it will reach me
To hear you whisper my name
    To hear your voice...
          To hear your Symphony...

I want to relive your love
    Forevermore
I want to make you proud
    Of this "little girl"

Tell me
   Can you see me where you are?
      Worlds apart, but you don't lose heart
           Listen
       And you will hear
    A symphony
It is the gift you'd given to me

At this point in my life
I am frightened

I've been out of work
For two months
Because my strength
Just doesn't add up

These attacks that I have;
I could have at any time
So what if I am alone
When the episode hits?
I'll be alone to endure it

I fear going back tomorrow
Because it's been so long
And the progress I've made
Has been so small
But at least I am climbing
That mountain
And not rolling out of control
Towards the bottom

I go to sleep tonight
And I am scared of my future
Or if I will ever truly be able
To lead a normal life

This isn't my choice
But more as a curse
One that sends me to a specialist
One that can and probably will
Hospitalize me

I'm afraid
But I'm going to be strong
I will go back tomorrow
And give it my all
And if I should fail
If I should fall
At least I'll know
It couldn't have been helped

I get this feeling
Like I am an Asian
In a Polish body

And I yearn
To be more Asian

^.^

I don't want to live
I'd rather slowly waste away
This life, it hurts
And I often wonder
If it's really worth the pain
I shut myself off from the world
And retreat into my mind
Sometimes, I feel the pain
Is the only thing keeping me alive

I want to die
I want to die more than anything
Because they don't call it
The easy way out
For nothing
Sometimes, I grow tired of being strong
And I want to climb to the highest cliff
And watch myself fall

I'm falling hard
And fading fast
And I don't want to make it out alive
I'm tired of walking blind
And shooting straight
I just wish my world would dissipate