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I am an undercurrent, free flowing river, whispering these secrets.
 Jan 2015 karma is dead
He's scared of drowning in my eyes.
Because beneath their harmless
watery surface
I think he knows what he'll find.
Let us say,
they are like the sea,
ever so still on the surface
seemingly captivating and
wonderous to everyone excluding me.
Soon enough, the wear & tear
begins to show
But oh baby, only God really knows
The darker it gets
The deeper you go
There are things that come to life
though my mind is dead & cold.
No one can seem to ever reach
Not a single successor yet
The bottom of the ocean inside my head.
No one will ever know me the way I do
 Dec 2014 karma is dead
She lit the past with a match.
Watched the flames lick the
walls as they danced slowly
then all at once. We'll never be
the same again that's all he said.
Collecting the ash of what was left
and taking my hand to walk over to
the river side in the dead of night. Shut
your eyes and blow the pain away in
the wild winds. This is your chance to
live again and feel your heart beat from
within. Because a beauty like you deserves
to be loved and unbroken. I'll mend your
chest stitch up that precious heart of yours.
And fill the cracks of your bones with
nothing but the purest kind of love. We'll
never be the same again he said as he leaned
down and kissed her forehead. I'll make sure
you never experience anything bad or sad like
you did before we met. Now come on darling it's
almost time for bed. Let me wrap you with my
arms of dazzling gold to keep you warm instead
of the blanket that you just burned and claimed
it dead.* ~
 Oct 2014 karma is dead
Emma Amme
She spent days building ice castles in the sun
He spent days trying to light fire to his house in the rain.
She drank coffee laced with poison to nurse her soul back to health
He took tablets of visions so he could hide from himself.
And when they met the fires thrived
the poison killed
and the visions overcame
and the ice castles turned
to puddles
Hard to miss, you can take me home.
I'd rather be anyone than to be alone.
Marlboro-stained teeth
have my lips controlled.
Don't mistake the chemicals
for our souls.

I move with the waters inside your ribcage.
Because when I drown in you,
it's the perfect place.

Softly, please, taking off our clothes:
I can see the kisses that have left holes.
You've been acid-washed
by love that wasn't stronger.
Take off your armor,
so you can stay here longer.

Your face is as cold
as the place I found you in.
You can let go of the hurt
trapped beneath your skin.

I keep warm in your fire that beats fast.
To be alone with you, it to be, at last.

Hard to miss, I will take you home.
You can be anyone, rather than be alone.
Remove your shoes, but not your heart.
You can stay here, as our world falls apart.
Falling in love with someone who is bipolar will never be easy.
There will be minutes, hours, days, weeks, or even months where I'm unexplainably mean, or recklessly happy.  
For a period of time, I may be all over you and want to smother you in my aforementioned reckless happiness, that I will forget to ask how you're doing and if you ate anything today. I will forget that unlike me, you need to sleep for 9 hours a day and that you're not fully ready to take on the world.
At some point, I will take a turn for the worst and will mope in unbelievable sorrow due to the death of my false happiness.
I will cry about everything and will stop calling, and forget to remind you that I love you so much and just need some time away.
My deep sadness will soon turn into unrelenting anger and I will tell you abusive things that I don't really mean.
I will be confused as to why I say them, and apologize a million times and try to explain that I can't control my anger, and that I need to leave and be away from people for a while, although I know nothing will really help.
You will insist that it's okay and tell me you love me.
For days, weeks, or months, I will do this, and you will soon think I am lying and think that I am just genuinely terrible.
My constant apologies will become nothing and you will soon distance yourself and start falling out of love, but still have a glimmer of hope.
After this episode, I will have a period where I feel nothing and am almost robot-like. You will feel unwanted and unloved and look at me with such sad eyes and get nothing but a shrug and a half-assed "sorry."
When you finally walk away,  I will have more bad days than good days because I will regret not saying I love you more.
I will hate myself for being bipolar. I will fall back into my bad habits and soon you will be a distant memory.
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