i eat chocolate chips like they're a drug and i'm trying to overdose
i bake brownies like they have more than just flour in them
i read and write like it's a shot directly into my veins
of pure, unadulterated experience, golden and black
i dance like i'm on adderall i stole from my sister
my nostrils smell tea like the leaves are *******
life is my drug, ******, and it's ridiculous to say
and my friends would make fun of me for it,
but i'm tired of calling things ridiculous and having to monitor
if i'm being uncool enough to mention it,
so i'm **** proud that life is my drug,
i get high on memories
and trip on late nights,
laying broken on the floor,
only to be healed again by a hug or a kind word,
life's a drug,
and i'm addicted.

Today I found an old note from you crumbled up in the bottom of my locker

"I love you!! =)"

I'm counting it as the first time you've told me that in 7 months

I'm not making this up
We are in your basement and your hand is on my thigh and I'm laid across your lap and your other hand is tangled in my hair and I'm falling asleep or maybe I'm waking up
Wait am I making this up?
My eyes are dripping and my breathing is shaky and my face is blushed and you're coming over to me and you pull me really close and you lock me against you and let me drench your clothes I close my eyes on your shoulder and feel your arms around me or maybe I'm opening them
Please tell me I'm not crazy
We're in your pool and you tell me it's okay that I'm scarred and we're underwater and you swim to me and you kiss me under the water your hands are on my face and everything is perfect but it's a little hard to breathe and I'm still underwater or maybe I'm above water and drowning in the air
I don't know if I'm making this up
I think I am crazy

I just want to feel
To feel someone's love for me
And not feel empty

i'm stuck in traffic
during a rain storm
in the middle of the night 
and i'm subtly reminded 
of when you stopped 
holding my hand 
as much as you used to
the cracks in the windshield
remind me of us
i cross another county line
and i think it's just like you
same place
new name
my veins are power lines
running through this ghost town
i'm so full of electricity 
but no one taps into it
i guess i'm useless
it's been a long time
since i've seen anything special
in the shapes of the clouds 
i don't think hurricanes
know that they destroy so much
maybe that's why you don't know
that i'm in this kind of pain
the cracks in my windshield 
are getting bigger
i think it's going to shatter soon 
could you imagine
the window shattering
and the glass coming at me
as i'm speeding
down this dark and rainy road
i don't have to imagine
i've already met you

[holyoak]

The guitar notes float down
from the upstairs window.
The neighbor man has the blues
again and I realize he’s not alone.
Seven years worth of memories
make for a heavy, heavy weight.
To attach like an overgrown leech
starved only because of my own ignorance
will lead to a dark and lonely death.
I can't help but think that you find pleasure
in this game of back and forth we've been playing.
Do you know what it feels like to always be
somebody's second choice? An afterthought?