i miss laughing with you.

that feel of the both of us being on one side. .

i miss you telling me things.

anything & everything. .
the not-so-"little" things & the significant things. .
the victories & the darkness. .

i miss you walking by.

that strong eye contact & undeniable soul connection in that fleeting moment. .

didn't we have it? . . . . .

where did we go? . .

was it when you left? . .

or was it while i was next to you? . .

did you even want me to hold your hand? . .

was it okay that i rested my cheek upon your shoulder? . .

did you like that i clung tightly onto your arm? . .

i was afraid of losing you . .

but now i feel i'm living the future in the present,
and it is the most painful thing thus far . .

At night dreams keep me awake.
During the daytime, dreams keep me going.

These tears shan't fall,
my feelings are better as a rock

Try as I might,
when I break these moss-covered walls,
it'll just spew out a fruit salad of words,
along with the wretched dam,
that I've tried so hard to seal off.

So, being numb might be the best for me,
because I cannot pour these feelings out
without being mixed.

"what's your religion?"
he asked.

"love is my religion"
I replied.

"so, where is your church?"

"the earth is my church".

~

even as the last crumbs fall
i know they'll not lead a mouse to the truth
nor lay a path for one's escape

one cannot blame hell on a devil that does not exist
or pray to an angel whose arrows always miss
love is neither a burden nor a gift

love just is

~

the only plot twist
that i need in my life
is us