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Kalee smith Jan 2013
Ronnie is that you?
Can you hear me Ronnie?
I know somehow you can
I feel you next to me
I feel your arms around me
I know you hear me.
  They all think I'm crazy Ronnie
They hear me talk to you
I hear them talk about me
No one knows what to say
I cry and scream
Sometimes I go into the closet and put on your clothes
I still have your razor
Your shoes are still  on the rack
Dinner is still in the frig
The dishes never got washed
I have not combed my hair in a couple of days
I think I showered, I don't know
I don't leave the house
Sometimes I get up and think I can do it
But I can't, I just can't
When does the pain go away Ronnie?
When do I stop crying for you Ronnie?
Our friends stopped coming over
The neighbors don't make eye contact
Those calls to check on me stopped
I got another box today
Your unit packed it up
It was stamped with big Red letters "Deceased"
They all said that Ronnie
It was like the news was not bad enough
Now, I had to have a final reminder that you are gone
I finally opened the box Ronnie
I found a list
It was a list of things you were going to get me for my Birthday
And the last thing was
Don't forget to tell her that I Love her everyday.
You never had to tell me Ronnie, I always knew.
Kalee smith Jan 2013
Dear guardian angel
I need you here today
The road has been ruff
And I have nothing good to say
Dead guardian Angel
Where have you been
My world is crashing down
I need to pray for my sins
Dear Guardian Angel
The night is coming soon
I can't bear the thought of being in this room
Dear guardian angel
Is that the voice I hear
Or is it just my own thoughts consuming me with fear
Dear guardian angel
Im looking up in the sky
Wondering if my life is all built from a lie
Dear guardian angel
I see the daylight now
I feel you are near I know it somehow
Dear guardian angel
Thank you for saving me
I'm not suppose to see you
That's not how's it suppose to be
Dear guardian angel
It's warm it's sunny and bright
All because you helped me to make it through the night.
Kalee smith Jan 2013
My dark passenger never leaves you know. It's always riding  with me, wanting to grab  the wheel. My dark passenger lies and tells me that I don't matter. That wherever I go it will always be there to riding along beside me ready to take the wheel. I always have one hand on the wheel trying to keep it back. Once in a while my arm gets tired and I let go, and put both hands on the wheel. And keep driving. I hit so many bumps in the roads, I sway to the left, and sway to the right. When I look over at the dark passenger it is still there not moving not swaying just watching and waiting for me to to take a wrong turn. Once in a while I stop take my hands off of the wheel and tell it to drive. I don't know what direction it goes and where we will end up. When I see the light my dark passenger seems to sleep. Not read or look for direction. Just let me make my way through the light and feel the sun on my face and see the birds in the sky. I make it to the Joshua tree. Where I can feel the wind gently blowing and all of my thoughts have stopped and my nightmares are over. My search for the peace is no more. I don't have to wonder why I'm unlovable. Why that little girl cried at night. Why the Woman could never find the love that she so desired. What was it about me that the dark passenger found so intriguing that it stayed with me. That it was always right there, right beside me. I'm still at the Joshua tree. The dark passenger is There. It's not in the car anymore. It asks me why it's not in the car riding beside me. I say because the only way to stop the dark passenger is to take out the driver.

— The End —