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4d · 48
i still think of you often
whether im with people or by myself
i think about the way you touched me
the way your warm pink lips felt against my collarbone

then i thought about what actually happened

i dont think of you often
neither by myself or with people
i think about the way you hit me
the way your warm pink lips sputtered those words

i hope i never think of you

4d · 165
when i tried to get better in the past
it felt like i was surrounded by water
drowning in it

when i thought i got better it felt
like every time i took a breath my
lungs filled with gasoline

when i got better it felt
like i was swimming in a pool of
flower pedals

i felt stuck for so long
now i am in control
and i am floating on clouds
4d · 41
perfect girl
i've always tried

tried to be THAT girl

the girl who has everything together

it didnt work out
Feb 25 · 140
in my 16 years of living i have never been more lost

he is gone and he broke me in the process
i healed
she died and i am now broken after healing for so long

she sold it after everything ive loved has left she really sold it
i am loving again
he hurt me broken and healing is no more
i am numb
i hurt me and i can now feel again but only for a little bit
i dont want to do this anymore
he is gone and im starting to feel
i still am broken
i am different and im starting to heal
i can still see my past
i am a different person now and my past no longer is looked at
i am loving, i am healed, i dont look back
i am better and thats all that matters
Jan 2019 · 285
Working out the kinks
kailee cardinal Jan 2019
“I love you” he says
But I cannot love back
How am I supposed to love when he took advantage
How can I trust when he did it
“U know I do too” I say
Because I cannot say the words
Dec 2018 · 351
Flower pedals
kailee cardinal Dec 2018
He’s there
The rose lives
He’s not
The rose dies
Either way
I’m not living
Dec 2018 · 128
kailee cardinal Dec 2018
He took it
From me
Out of all people
It was me
Dec 2018 · 294
kailee cardinal Dec 2018
he didnt want anything serious in his life
but he was serious about that....
Dec 2018 · 262
kailee cardinal Dec 2018
still live on in my mind and
heart where they are now scared
thoughts fill my sad sad mind and i cannot get rid of them either
  he is still there, behind me every noise ,i jump out of fear cause of his lies
scared he will come back and hurt me the way he had hurt me before i left
he knows i am scared because of the way i am with him around girls
i was so young when he hurt me that it is now within thoughts
 to grab my knife when i hear a knock at the door or a creak
in the halls, i have lost my once sane mind to him
  mace and a pocket knife on my key chain
 so scared he will come back
 and hurt me everything
is so ingrained
Dec 2018 · 199
kailee cardinal Dec 2018
time is sacred
love is rare
he is one of a kind
Nov 2018 · 82
kailee cardinal Nov 2018
my thought are filled with gasoline
they are toxic
they will burn those who try
to seek whats inside
its my toxic thoughts and mine only
Nov 2018 · 34
sidewalk cracks
kailee cardinal Nov 2018
water pours
expanding in the sidewalk
one day it was whole
but now it is everything but
Nov 2018 · 129
kailee cardinal Nov 2018
any ideas for a good slam poem?
Nov 2018 · 116
love drunk
kailee cardinal Nov 2018
well rested
at peace

until he dates you friend
then THEY are love drunk
and your sobered up
Nov 2018 · 286
kailee cardinal Nov 2018
i will see you soon
once you have left
i will soon fade again

one you come back
i will come back less
once you leave
i leave for good
Nov 2018 · 234
kailee cardinal Nov 2018
he talks about other girls
but i want to be the one talked about
he tells me he would hit that
i just laugh
i want to be whats on his mind half of the time
hes on mine
Nov 2018 · 83
kailee cardinal Nov 2018
addicted to

its always been you
Nov 2018 · 121
kailee cardinal Nov 2018
He said he loved me
But he said it to her
He said he was there for me
But said it to her
He said everything to her that he said to me...
But they were all lies
He said *******
And he said it to her
Nov 2018 · 136
voicemail received
kailee cardinal Nov 2018
" leave a voicemail after the beep"

why do you do it
why do you put up with his lies
why can nobody see it
that when he hits you and denies it hes lying?

why cant i sick up for you

why can i be there for you

i hear screams and a body hit the floor
but i still stay in my closet
hidden in the clothes i never bothered to put away
i know they aren't dark circles under you eyes

but mom tell me this when dad looks at the girl
in a see through shirt and you say something
all of a sudden
when we get home
his knuckles are raw
and your bleeding
what can i do
i want to help

i'm sorry i know what pain he is causing you
i really try to help but im too scared
scared of what hes done
i cant fend for myself

please help its happening to me now
i learned to freeze and take it
but how do i cover the bruises and scars
why couldn't i learn the first time
or even the second

are you there?

mom please!

i got to go hes coming
i'm sorry i learned after you
i'm sorry you are six feet under and hes still alive

can i join you?
Nov 2018 · 118
kailee cardinal Nov 2018
im so happy cant you see?
i laugh at everything
i smile in the halls
i help everyone else
im selfless
im so happy cant you see?
Nov 2018 · 165
kailee cardinal Nov 2018
i saw a red red rose
i gave her a bright red rose
she gave me a a big huge kiss
the red red rose turned a dark maroon
i gave her a long huge big loving hug
the red red rose drooped over
i gave her back the keys
the red red rose died
i drove away
Nov 2018 · 542
kailee cardinal Nov 2018
its a right
not a prize
Nov 2018 · 81
how it starts
kailee cardinal Nov 2018
flower pedals clog the drain
purple blue red and green
the water starts to rise
the boiling water burns my skin
the flowers sink
the water turns black
the tub starts to overflow
water everywhere
im strapped to the floor now
every breath is full of black water
till i cant breath anymore
the flower pedals go down the drain
the water dissipates
its clear going down
my body left exposed
the door opens
and im no longer gasping for air
im gone
this is what my depression feels like
Nov 2018 · 2.1k
dear abuser,
kailee cardinal Nov 2018
im not going to give you credit
and say that you are the one that
you obliterated my life
because i can do that by myself

im not going to give you fame
by saying you tortured me
because i can do it

i am going to tell you
you made me strong enough to leave
and smart enough to know when to leave
im not romanticizing abuse im just stating what i know abuse to be
Nov 2018 · 652
kailee cardinal Nov 2018
im so tired
of being everyone elses image
i want to be me
but who can accept that
even i cant
Nov 2018 · 127
kailee cardinal Nov 2018
its so effortless
the way its played
the way its created well
thats complicated
all i can hear is a symphony
Nov 2018 · 246
kailee cardinal Nov 2018
he called me all these names
but i think i love him
hes my one ideal
he may have cheated me over
but i love him
hes my one ideal
i want one more day to cuddle
cause i love him
he is my only ideal
Nov 2018 · 118
kailee cardinal Nov 2018
is it weird that i'm most comfortable
when there is grief next to me?
maybe because that what i feel most of the time...
Nov 2018 · 1.0k
kailee cardinal Nov 2018
love is still love
even with the bruises
the blood and bare knuckles

death is still death
even with the sorrow
the grief,hate, and tragedy

i am still me
even with the scars
the mental illness' and the past

why cant i be me around you?
is it because of the way we love?
or is it because of how he died?
Nov 2018 · 176
kailee cardinal Nov 2018
i dont understand
what are they talking about
my mind is so scattered
my heart is racing
what are these notes
what the hell?
Nov 2018 · 880
kailee cardinal Nov 2018
i am
i am numb
i am numb because
i am numb because of you
i am numb because of you and her
i am numb because of you and her cheating me
i am numb because of you and her
i am numb because of you
i am numb because
i am numb
i am
Nov 2018 · 7.8k
please answer
kailee cardinal Nov 2018
I'VE been crying

JUST quit hurting

TRIED to live on

TO you

FORGET the hurt

i've just tried to forget
Nov 2018 · 78
depressed feelings
kailee cardinal Nov 2018
my eyes are so heavy
they feel like weights

my mind is so scattered
it feels like a little kids drawings

my bed is so soft
i just want to stay all day

my mind so ******
its like i cant control it

its so hard to focus
its like there's a parade in my head
Nov 2018 · 146
my generation
kailee cardinal Nov 2018
futile people are becoming less
of a run-in and more of a day-to-day occurrence
mental health is on a deep spiral because of the
trauma placed upon most women and some males
love has turned into a "thing" between people
what the **** is a thing
and why do most lovers have one
instead of a relationship
instead of a "thing" its now ****
and that is now accelerating
my sister, brothers, mother, dad, acquaintances, and strangers
i fear you all cause even a brother cant be loyal.

my life is full of ****
just like the world as of...
well always
Nov 2018 · 725
kailee cardinal Nov 2018
kids vaping
**** victims increasing
I.Q.'s lowering
kidnapping increasing
doing stupid **** is a trend
Nov 2018 · 125
kailee cardinal Nov 2018
I know
that i am hurting
I know
masks are better, cuter, more mature
I know
somedays can be good but even then
I still evaluate myself
And see if im good enough
Im not, like ever
I want to be different
My mental illness
Well that can just go away
I want
To be
I want
I want
Nov 2018 · 169
kailee cardinal Nov 2018
Your fingers are like razors
On my body
Cutting deep and sliding along every inch
You cut my insides
When i say it hurts it gets deeper
Making it one-sided consent
You cut the places you shouldn't have
Now i am scarred
And scared
Nov 2018 · 163
kailee cardinal Nov 2018
His eyes blink effortlessly
His mouth smiles temporarily
His love leaves marks as long as
Gravity is on earth
Nov 2018 · 774
kailee cardinal Nov 2018
The words you use to hurt me
Rip it like the used paper in my journal
Nov 2018 · 379
i loved you
kailee cardinal Nov 2018
Slide your fingers along my body
Your fingers like razor blades
Cutting deep
Along every curve, every crevice, everywhere
Kiss me where you want even my lips
I know i know
that kissing on the lips mean “too intimate”
But so is what we are doing
Keep it a secret and when it gets out
Let your voice box play the same scratched record
“That lying **”
Then come back and fill the holes of my heart
But i know you want to fill my other ones instead
Tell me you like it when i do that thing with my mouth
But little do you know my mouth
Holds power
Even though I am your greatest accomplishment
I am in your closets covered in dust
But is still always there for you
My body is washed of you
But somehow the water
Is red as i drain it
Use my body for a different kind of trophy
I want you to paint the world on my back
So i dont know whats to come of my life
you will be the death of me
My death is going to be a sleep with no dreams
And no point of waking up
Even with the slightest touch
Or the loudest whisper
The voice that made my day could be
The very voice that sends the feeling of nails running down my back
Claws like the ones on that guy who
Said he loves me
His voice so sincere when she talks to me
But too hurtful to believe
Nov 2018 · 392
kailee cardinal Nov 2018
You are the reason i love
To write

I would always write to you in jail

You are the reason i don't know
When to cry

I would always cry when i saw
Your back turned because i was
Afraid it was the last time i would see it

You are the reason i write with
Such motivation

I would always be motivated to convince you
That you should come home

You are the reason i am afraid to love

I would always have a part of me that was shattered
After you left
Oct 2018 · 310
kailee cardinal Oct 2018
depression is something that haunts us all
from the way we look
to the way i see you
i cant see past my dark shadow
its always in front of me and he never leaves
i just cant breathe the air without gasping for breath and getting gasoline
Oct 2018 · 179
hopeless hope
kailee cardinal Oct 2018
He stares as I stand upset and distraught
A single tear leaves a trail tinted black
The sun shines as he thinks i should be taught
He grabs my soft delicate face then smack

I fell so graciously to the cold floor
My body numb and weak as he grabs me
He spoke with the ****** up words “stupid *****”
He pushed me down; finally let me be

I couldn't help just laying there in pain
My face bleeding red so blank and dead
He strips off his shirt with a dark bloodstain
him coming back okay is something i dread

I hope there is a day where i bleed out
But that is the only thing i much doubt

— The End —