She sets her life up for failure
And
Now she waits for inspiration

I miss the highs and lows,
All the climbing, all the falling,
All the while the wild wind blows,
Stinging you with snow
And soaking you with rain
I miss the mountains,
I miss the pain.

Breaking up.
The words still flashing before my eyes,
Days after you’ve said them.
I take another scoop of ice cream,
Trying to swallow down the lump in my throat.
I’m okay, I’m okay.
I see her hands in yours,
I’m not okay.
I cry, and cry and cry. Till it’s all out.
I think I feel better now,
Crying makes everything better.
I get a message from you
I still love you, even if it isn’t the same
But the words morph into
You’re still being friend zoned.
I sigh, refusing to cry again.
Closing my eyes and the darkness is blurred with images of you,
Of us,
Of *happiness.
Then my heart starts to ache again
My eyes snap wide open.
I won’t allow myself to go there again.
I take an elastic band and set to punish myself if I thought of you again.
One day,
Snap.
Two days,
Snap, snap
Three days,
Triple snap.
I think I’m bleeding
And it’s not just my heart.
So I switch to binge watching
While binge eating.
This feels better already
Then the couple on TV decide to kiss,
I hate TV.
I switch to talking.
Moaning,
Complaining,
Crying,
Venting,
Pitying.
Everythi­ng till I’m done feeling sorry for myself.
I stand up straighter and take a deep breath.
Then I get another message from you
You’re the greatest friend ever*
Sigh. I slump back
I hate you.
I’m not talking to you again.
That’s hard
So I drink.
Downing all my sorrows and problems with each shot.
Is it really that difficult to get over a breakup?
I mean, I’ve done it before, so I can do it again
Right?
Well, before him you weren’t in love.
******.
Another shot.
And then I’m done feeling groggy.
Done feeling helpless,
Hopeless,
Useless,
Love-less.
Who needs a man anyway?
I’m fine on my own.
So I smile.
I Laugh,
Have fun till the happiness inside me bursts out.
This feels good.*
The skies seem bluer and the grass feels greener.
I feel incredible.
And then,
Flashbacks.
Kissing,
Smiling,
Holding my hand,
The way you’re looking at me.
Oh great.
*Now I have to start again.

my eyes want you
but you already know
my arms want you
from inside my heart they flow
bringing you closer to me
where a sound muffled by your shadow
is fighting a war against a memory
i am not the one who love may owe
i am not the one who love may forgive
but i am the one whose heart tires of saying no

Look at me
What do you see
Am I a man to you
Do you even still claim me
Am I even your boyfriend
Look at me
Do you even love me
You look at me as if I'm ugly
Or unworthy to be in your presence
Look at me
Do you even realize how you treat me
You're royalty to me
But in your eyes
I must look like a peasant
Who can't afford to buy you a decent present
Look at me
All I ever did was love you
But you spat in my face
Smacked me back ant forth
Kicked the heart I handed you
And said you wanted nothing more then space
I want you to look at me
But I can see you just looking past me
Because if you did
You wouldn't liked the look on my face