You became my convict,
a murderer of my happy days,
a cigar that I puffed the wrong way,
an terminal illness
that I would take no pill for,
my best deal to die
o'er a brokenheart,
my final destination
when I am lost and broke,
the reason to meet a tailor
for my suit,
to go into a coffin;
when you could have been
by my side
and into all that I ever dreamt about
as I planned rest of my life with you.
You could have been my Snoopy,
for I could have been your only
CharlieBrown.
You could have been my lover, my escort,
my bride hanging onto the other side of my lips.
Goodnight now, Mrs. Sanders!
Goodnight so long, so far!

I REMEMBER.
It was not like any other moment.
I was standing in my ward.
The ever dark and cold closure.
My dampened single-bed room.
My four-walled medium.
While, it was outside, so calm and still
Must be hibernating.
But poor creature, it waited
Waited, just a handspan
away from my window pane.
And my bolted glass window
did not welcome it.
And so it waited, settled
Closely watching another soul like itself.

I stood more like a rock
Staring at that pallid one.
Communicating in dead-muteness.
A despirited eye-contact.
In a moment or so, I slash
Slash my burdened eyebrows
O'er my wet eyeballs.
Apologizing for my plight
Of unexplainable helplessness.
And it waited there, calm and still,
Hearing my unspoken Testimony.

Thus we waited staring at each other
And between us was the adamant
Glass Window - slumbering soullessly!

It was darker than me.
But was getting paler and paler.
And I stood at the same spot
Staring and blinking
Waiting for it to flutter away.
Afterall, unlike me,
It had a huge space to fly.
And I know that, for I've stared,
Out of the window before,
The whole world.
But it stayed there
As if, afraid of flying, like me.

Hands swept across the clocks
And It turned paler to a fairer one
Stained with frozen crimson red veins.
And by twilight
the fair creature broke its penance.
Got blown by the breeze
And laid on the soft snow
On the concrete floor.
Then there was voidness.
Nothing to stare at.
No more soul to share my story.

I stood there, calm and still
But this time a tear rolled down
From my sunken eyes.
And then I closed my eyes
in prayer and wished
for the courage to
Shatter the glass window
And jump out
To become a gravestone
For my li'l pal's corpse.

She and he.
Joy and Pride,
loved and married.

Jewels and money
songs and wine
merry and nights.

Greed and Pride,
Joy and Pressure.
Greed and Pressure.

Vain and brawls,
corrupt and scandals,
charges and spared.

Temper and fist,
temper and crash.
Complaints and divorce.

Thoughts and lost,
reflects and tears,
Days and nights.

Broke and desolate,
cut and bled,
Dare and Dead.

Baby, let me die a classic,
pull those curtains down;
give me one last dream,
don't hurt me now,
I won't hurt you ever.*


Fifteen years on board and sail,
then Life hit the breaks too fast;
I saw you grow so old, so weak,
and in your hospital ward blues.
I was trying too hard
not to cry, not to shame.

I have twenty one years made and done
‘til now, and maybe a few more,
then I can shed and stop.

The day when I need not feel
clumsy on a good lecture.
I need not get stumped on other’s pranks.
I need not be glad on silly compliments.
I need not sigh on departures after
a daylong fretting.
I need not cry on random sympathy notes.
I need not crave on any satin sandals.
I need not try on impressing fellow earthlings.
I need not fall on my knees for prayers.
I need not smile on dainty mute creatures.
I need not feel shattered on my love being ridiculed.
I need not hide on some pretence of modesty.
I need not rage on abuses, for hell’s sake.
I need not share on the hope of gratitudes.
I need not stay on alive for
I’ll be dead for dreams, by then.

At the doorstep of Insanity
I miss myself as I dont let go
Then I took an arrow in my knee
So I say you could be my hero
And, for sure,
I told what you meant to me.
While you fell apart in silence
I saw many a cherry blossom skies
as I waited over the ruins
with tears brimming my eyes
Yet I wonder for
I might be addicted to your glance.
Then I chose rage and gone high
and maybe you just didn't get enough
of those three words, to avoid
losin' me, too busy livin' your life
But, I'm sorry  
I am already at the backroom, boy!

When I love, I exist.

However, when my love is not welcome, I don't cease to stand a fight. I demand where I invest. But I have my ego tuned to know when it's not worth any struggle anymore.
**** boy, you lifted me up and spurned all those butterflies with your touch of lips, and now you are nowhere when I need you the most. I should be able to understand that. Be it that you are simply a coward and that I was blinded or that's denial from my side, maybe. Denial of the evidence of love not being able to carve the same in you. I should have been awake. Awake when your lies mesmerized and dosed me with the temporary pleasure. Now my skin is thick. It had the temperature riot. I may not forget the pain and cry from time to time but I will learn to survive all those li'l heartaches that kills me soft. I will move on. I will smile and greet another stranger. I will win in love and life.

Say peace (ira).

She lives with her '70s condescending mom,
And her Gods are nonbelievers.
She sulks, swears 'n spits in air
Squandering in profound style
As she wears plaid shirts to
Jimmy Choos,
"feeds her cat, eats her dog",
Keeps a job, quits on true love,
Flirts in no faith with
the guys in the gym,
overlooks men at the bar,
Smiles at the kid in the park,
Laughs at celebrities' mishap,
Sleeps to Indie pop Rock
post two whisky shots.
But hey, she's too far from
any breakdown.

Chartered this life from demise
I grew to prefer schedules
open for celebrations,
as well, for funerals
in pouring rains
or in breezy plains.
And I rose occasions to escape
oblivion outta daily delights
and saved my nerves
for coffin wood fragrance
and feiry dark grey shades
and hid myself in timid
strange bubble world.
Then I would blare to stay aside
by missing to pull together,
but to fall apart dodging
any greetings, yet fearing
goodbyes, like fire-darts,
'coz for everytime a beloved
hits the ground, dead cold,
it burns a part in me
smoking away the reasons
we make to live, before we hit!

Just an usual lazy-mode play,
as I sat before this
site of wondrous, happy-to-write,
chuckled long and deep,
wormed through acclaims' poets;
I find you from nowhere
as I did truly forgot
how I got you on my screen,
in my likes, in my mind,
sane side of it all,
for all you wrote
was sour ***,
bitter *** and your happy ones,
with clever words that mostly swore.
If I were a moody Sylvia head,
you are, sure, a shady Ted.
I fess I must leave sooner
or else I will pucker too much
and drop my tongue
down your throat
but I had my chastity,
I remember having it last night, honey;
so I shall prep for a hot water bath
and wear it all over again
but you may have to sleep
with all but one less lover girl.

I could have been The Falling Man.
No opinions. No intentions of disrespect.
Only a surreal psuedo-pessimist thought.
Always felt something inscrutable
in that drop.

My reference don't tend a joke.
Please don't fuel any sorta controversy.

But can't deny to wonder what
the thoughts would be,
during that fall.
Will the whole spent life flash
in front of our eyes?
Do we become the kindest, humblest of the few and the worthy human
ever lived in that moment?
Do we wish for some last miracle?
Do we still have ourselves cling to
the last scrap of hope of life again?

As I am writing this, my tears
no more stay tamed inside my eyes,
And my heart goes for the massacre lose.
Lose of lives. Loss of humanity.
Old news, yeah, but still hits the soul.

And the fall taunts my thoughts
as I too beg for a second chance
myself.
I shall revive. This is my life.
This thought shall universally exist
and be reasoned with.

The years with him faded promises;
and the nights grew dank cold.

But the father he was to her kids
would beg her to rewrite all the love stories
she ever imagined it would ever be.

You became the joy
the joy I wont miss away
even when I am so down or
in the highest swing
when in the insanity of laughter;
when I am rushing thru' all the doors,
to share your side and
to talk you into your beautiful smiles.

Kiss me awake.
I shall feel the touch
caressing through
my skin.
and my dreams
Kiss me cold.
I shall see you
through the
pain and joy.
Kiss me love.
And I shall stand
by your side
'til the end.

Soon enough, I'll move on.
I will not even try to remember
how I met you in the first place.
Soon enough, I will ignore
if I ever heard the sound of your name.
I won't give a hint about you
to the next interesting man
I may befriend.
Soon enough, your words, ideas, jokes, love and memories
will fade away from me.
Fade fast like a thin-malnourished
ghost.
Soon enough, this world won't even
feel déjà vu when it sees
another couple's kiss and
promise of forever.
Soon enough, this pain will start to subside.
Meanwhile these pills must start their work.

"His love was like
falling asleep on an unmade bed,
Like we won't care
by the end of an exhausting day".

"His love was like
those white-lies that never hurt,
the faint rainbow that can't be
photographed,
the soft giggle of an asylum
patient,
that expired gift voucher
in your high school slam book".

55 years into it;
She just smiles and says,
"If that's not love,
I don't know what is".

Never detained Sylvia's thoughts,
Neither agreed any of her acts;
maybe that is why I peep
here and there onto a mirror piece;
to find a rousing lady in me
and noting something is true
and finer with some specks of time;
but cared to find more thru eyes,
the eyes of my little god,
lying on the cradle with humbleness.
Can never feel the charming self
than from that glance I desired;
let me not count on destines,
that'ld drag my life to despairs;
and nor feel the way out so,
for now, I know, there is a soul;
which awaits for the touch of my lips
and the tenderness of it to return.
Truly, I do learn now, for rest of my life
will be of making a paradise,
for my little god!

I remember that August
outta the twenty-two of mine,
I remember that church
we monks were invited to,
I remember the safari
that followed, and ah, that rain.
I remember my hairbun
that you undid for that dance.
All I just don't remember is how
we fell in love just smiling together
but I'll always remember this smile
I'll hold with yours in my head.