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Justin Aptaker Aug 2019
hell is not hot
if you think it is, it’s just because you haven’t been there
hell is like cool drink of water
but it gets under your skin
gets right where it hurts the most
understands your weaknesses
anticipates your failures
its always there waiting
crouching
silent

hell is not
anything you would expect
because the glory of hell
is to give the unexpected
Written ca. 2015
Justin Aptaker Aug 2019
go gently, gently, into that good night
i will not rage
against the dying of the light

the light is blinding
and i am burned
leaving forgotten, all i have spurned

hello Darkness, my old friend
please impale my two-part heart
with the bleeding tip of my black-blooded pen
that way, maybe
that way, we will never speak again

in that sleep, surely no nightmares
may come
that are worse
than the present one

send me quietly into that good night
i will not fight
the dying of the light
Written ca. 2011
Justin Aptaker Aug 2019
On a world with no moon I pondered deeply on a starless night
Wondering what happened when the sun fell silent with the light
And yet the black sky told no story, no star-man seen with belt alight
Orion quiet as the darkness still, unthought, unformed

Not because of clouds or want of sight was my world formed in darkness
But because the sun had gone and was the only light
The nearest star was just too far, and so to me had never been
Like I must be to it as if it were I wasn't born

All the light I knew this night was fire; fire was my own
Nothing out beyond myself had gave this fire or had shown
One sign of having helped me strike the tinder into flame
I didn't even know it "fire", knew it by no name

On a world with no moon, no stars, no clouds, no name
I forgot there was a sun
but it was all the same
Written ca. 2012
Justin Aptaker Aug 2019
do you like poems?
Well, here is a book of them
I made it for you
with all the tears and blood and **** and **** and spit I could muster
isn't it beautiful?
I hope you'll love it like I love it
Written ca. 2008 - 2009
Justin Aptaker Aug 2019
I woke up
opened my eyes
i was alone

and then, just as quickly as the terror had come and passed
the moment was so beautiful that i refused to capture it

Jesus christ
save my soul. Jesus christ, make me whole

the turbulence reached for me
but i was beyond it then
i'd sought for the Spirit
a different spirit came and went
i'm still looking
still looking

but even the inadequacy of words is muted
right now
we are living in different worlds
not only from one another, but particularly from ourselves
the pride of life courses through the brokenness of language
wanting, however, the Spirit of Truth

but i am looking
we are all looking

and just when i'd thought i was barren, She did come again
even in the mess i was in
like a baby, lying in a manger
I woke up
opened my eyes
I was home
Written April, 2019
Justin Aptaker Aug 2019
so there really is no end to this
faded snapshots, fleeting bliss
all i'm left with is desire
this my hell, and that my fire

archer shot too high and far
borrowed moments from the stars
now my time is free for all
never fall free from the law

my muse a slave, i sold my rights
in one too many stolen nights
moth to flame for city lights
a god has fallen slain tonight
Written ca. 2012
Justin Aptaker Aug 2019
renaissance
San Francisco, a whisper in the wind tonight
tells of rebirth
not Beat
or beaten down
not beatific simply being

it is whispered that soon
we will all see our visions and dream our dreams
amidst the microchip mindbending screams
can you really, really believe?

The true dawn begins tonight
at which I woke, and was alight
and the wind rushed through me like
the rustle of dead leaves

San Francisco, I never knew
you but I hear of your deeds of renunciation and renown
they have echoed across time and space like starlight
that is evergreen

I have seen, I see, I will continue to see
me in you
you in me
I was born
not anachronistically
but just in time
just in time
Written ca. 2012
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