Life's continuously changing miraculously every day.

I'm still here, and they are with me.

The darkness is hazy, dimmed with light.

The sun's shining and all feels right.

Suicides just a crazy idea, I'm embarrassed I had.

Today is today.

A much, much better day than yesterday.

I'm still here.

I'm feeling far away from yesterday.

It's a beautiful world.

It's miraculous.

The sun's shining and it's not at all hot.

There's a breeze that seems to catch me, right before I fall.

It's a miracle I'm here and happy or even at all.

I live in the moment, because tomorrow is never far.

Creative, cluttered mind that's me.

A life living, not as one should lead.

Breaking, still surviving in my head.

Hummid air of anguish grips my throat.

Dragging me through every bittersweet day and every single long exhausting night.

Anxious torment and lack of sleep from insomnia,  and ptsd.

Rage ridden bipolar and depression radiate through out me.

But I'm here it's a wonder when suicide is peeking in and flirting with me.

I feel eye's all about me, watching, lingering in safe distance.

Careful word's and rushed conversation is how I am accepted.

Frustrated and alone is the equivalent.

There's nothing that will drain strength from a heart as a lack in faith.

There's nothing that can drain faith from a heart like monster disguised as a human to a child.

There's nothing I'm shocked to see, miracles included...

Who knows the outcome of loves battles. For the moment it's the end of the world. It's pain, fear, anger and sadness.
For the moment it's love gone wrong.
But tomorrow may be magical and wonderful.
I'm praying this will pass and my heart will be mended soon.
But for this moment, I'm heart broken.

Maybe there's no fixing this.

You continue to be one of the guy's like everything's fine.

Maybe this is what's right.

Maybe you and I are wrong together and we're holding eachother back.

I don't feel that love from you, and I don't see the affectionate looks...

Could this be this be it for us?

Will it be unbearable?

Or will we be better off?

I'm as prepared as I can be, and there won't be a better time to hear that you don't love me that way any more.

I can't imagine us not being we, but I don't foresee an end to this bitterness.

I don't want to hate you, although I get so close.

I don't want you to hate me even though it may already be so...

I don't want to spread my wings, but I feel you might.

I can't see tomorrow without out you by my side, but it may be whats right.

Your my best friend, but maybe our loves not meant.

I've been told that I was the best thing for you, but maybe it doesn't mean we were meant to be together for life.

I dreamt of you and I as we.

It was just a dream.

Something has arrived.

It's bitter and angry, like a stranger cold and distant.

So deep, the depth is immeasurable.

So draining, that it's taking the warmth from my loving heart.

So painful, yet it's old and become apart of me.

Salt rain has flowed from my eye's, but now I must declare a drought.

I'll reap strength from this too.

No matter how it resolves or ends.

But NOW I am, useless.

I am sad, confused, and lonely.

I believe in god so I know there's a reason for this.

Or could it be as if feels?

That I am cursed and I shall live out this life knowing only other's joy?

Am I just to guide and care for other's?

I feel they are great, with wonderful future's.

I know they will do important, miraculous things.

I am proud.

But if I'm but a speck of them, meant only to insure their happiness and safety...

Shall I give up on my own personal fulfillment?

After all, my heart's joy is only them and their success.

Is this who I am?

And should that other love be halted, instead if mourned?

Is this pain for not, as it's not meant for me to have?

I'm saying I...

Does that mean there's more for me?

Am I just to weak for this and convincing myself to give up on love?

Or is this love *******, something that's plagued me?

Can it be that we simply just don't belong together?

Or are we're both just stubborn and are about to lose the best thing we ever had?

How this confuses and conflicts my mind, heart and soul.

The only thing I do know is that I am alone, empty, and becoming cold.

And I know that love hurts...