If there's a land that's called tomorrow
and it lies across the sea,
I'd like to find a boat to borrow-
I can bring you there with me.

she leaves
everything
on a page,
all her sorrow,
her love
and her rage,
and I truly believe
she will write
herself free
of the jailers
who fastened
her cage.

sometimes
im surprised by the fact
that i didnt know
about that trip you took to italy
(third grade? was it in third grade? i dont know)
and that
i didnt know
the name
of the brother you never met
and that i sometimes dont know
what your actions mean
and then i remember
that it's only been two years.
two years since we properly met
and even less since we became friends,
and then best friends,
and then something more.
and that shocks me
because i dont remember a time without you there.
these two (or less) years have felt like an eternity
and ive realized that that's because when im with you
i feel immortalized
and that the reason i cant remember a life without you
is because you have always been there.
the person i used to dream of when i was young:
the person who would hold me in their arms,
the person who i would always be able to talk to,
the person who would always be there for me. . .
i didnt know it then: that person was going to be,
i know now: that person is,
i know i know i know: that person will forever be,
forever be
You.

―  j.r.

Today I was in the middle of something when I had a fleeting thought of what it would me like if you were here. I immediately stopped what I was doing to let myself daydream of you. So rarely do I let my mind drift to this that I thought it would be a little reward for being so good and compartmentalizing so well.

So I thought of you. I thought of the joke you would make about my handwriting. I thought about where your hand would be on my thigh. I thought about the laugh lines around your eyes that would come out when you smiled at my smile. I thought about it all.

But while I wasn’t paying attention, my mind went out of control, and I was skimming through memories of you and me while simultaneously making up scenarios of everything that we could be. The room was spinning and I was barely breathing when suddenly everything went cold and hot at the same time and you were saying goodbye a thousand times. Over and over, each one hit, and I just had to sit back and let the waves of grief keep crashing over the same body that once was held in your arms when I couldn’t stop shaking that Wednesday night back in July.

It was like I was falling and flying all at once and it took three deep breaths to clear it all up.
I gathered myself and left the room because for some reason it was starting to smell of you.

**** this and **** goodbyes. I would die for just one more night.

-bcg (i forget about you long enough to forget why i needed to)

I tried to create something from this,
but my piano did not bleed.

The sound that came out meant nothing in my ears.
It spoke of nothing and asked for nothing
and reminded me of you.

And now you're going to leave,
but my piano did not bleed.

.
     Seems much smaller than I had imagined.
     It only stretches as far as my eyes could
     see.
     It reeks of the past, with no hints of the
     future.
     The present is here, the present is me.

My world tonight...
     Sees me nestled,
     watching silent but with mind
     dishevelled...
     Unnoticed on this kerb...
     Unnamed and unlabelled.

My world tonight...
     Is filled with familiar strangers,
     ushering their lives along.
     I know their faces but not their names.
     I'd call this home but I don't belong.

My world tonight...
     Is spinning regardless...
     It stays on track.
     Never waits for me.
     Never looks back.

My world tonight...
     Has no intention to soothe my thoughts.
     It is baring its bite...
     It's leaving me far behind...
     But I'll catch up at the break of light.



                                        *As I always do...

A tulip of deep lilac
my sentiment to you
my key to your heart
thanking for all you do.

Its fragrance reminds me
of your sweet perfume
like your beauty these tulips
brighten up any room.

Your sensual beauty glorious
as petals caress your skin
delicately tracing your body
my desires your sin

Lilac tulips our love story
sweet romance they tell
you brought me to heaven
resurrected me from hell

Sweet tulips for my beauty
a symbol in the journey we take
a petal for each milestone
a role in each chapter we make

The moon shines a cool blue tonight
as we entwine our fingers, laying on the baseball field
beneath diamond heavens. We lie
in silence, in the moments when the Universe reveals
itself, and contemplate the distances between one celestial body to
another, the space between
us growing as I turn south
to find Orion while you seek Cassiopeia in the north.

Shooting stars cross the sky, and we wish separately on dead
stars and dead dreams, lights already grown red and extinguished
as we whisper in the dark, passing
between phases.

And in the end we're all left searching.