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May 2023 · 77
eminence of being
Juls May 2023
solemn anguish of a fallen king
the northern spectacle of ice
clamouring upon the crown
of the fallen kingdom
a desolate castle, an empty chamber
the separate treaty
between life and death
scalding mark, embedded on the wrist
of the once called king
****** to death
May 2023 · 285
loathe the livingwood
Juls May 2023
the branches of life
the leaves of desperation
the relentlessly dead buzzards
and the meaning of it all
clenching the teeth of each root
heart wrenching lives, long gone
clinging on what little they can
with all these fluttering feelings of insanity
one day, you'll become someone you've most hated
May 2023 · 82
midnight parade
Juls May 2023
splitting set of the midnight sun
spitting flames of the headlights
muffled voices of passing people
the unsightly ruse of the ****** and shunned
oh if only life hadn't been unfair
if only the lives of the unfortunate of life have been fortunate
with each passing day, i loathed living
i yearned for death
and one day i'll be able to kiss death
amidst the midnight parade
Apr 2022 · 107
Cast for Mourning
Juls Apr 2022
Oh to write about death.
The sweet surrender of the lost self.
Like a shadow cast against the light, I am but a nothing in this world of everything.
Should I come to terms with my self-hatred, I would do everything in my power to end my life.
The solemn activist of my own will.
I do not deserve to live.
This is a letter for me, should I still be alive after the 25th of April 2022.
Hold on to your anger.
Hold on to your self-loathing.
**** yourself, again and again, if given the chance.
Jun 2021 · 96
deluge
Juls Jun 2021
a soft touch of your kind hand
a subtle whisper to the ear
your gaze, peering through my thick skin
i am tired
slowly drifting away
bereft and unable to move
walls shattered with every raindrops
crippling breeze of sadness creeping in
i hear your voice and think
"have i been yearning for this?
or am i just wanting the impossible?"
the crescent moon wept for me
"why are you crying, child?"
i said
"i've been dreaming of the day i die, dear love.
and i only have you as my ley line."
threw my clothes to the river
with my body, still intact
i'd rather drown in water
than to wither away in despair
my mind's killing me
but what's to lose?
i've already been dead years ago
i'm alive but not living
Nov 2020 · 114
Lovely Ballet
Juls Nov 2020
soft purring of melting cats between your ears
the sound of muffled music filling your mind
you find yourself inside a box
afraid and unknowing of the outside
overwhelmed by the thought of breaking free
you hear the clanking of metal gears
like clockworks made forcibly by madness
you suddenly see the pitch black sky, crack
opening for you to see the outside
you softly hear the sweet sounds of music
as you find yourself dancing into the midnight waltz
and think to yourself
"I am one with the lovely ballet."
Inside your mind.
Sep 2020 · 176
Luna
Juls Sep 2020
Luna my love, are you there?
has the world been cruel or am i insane?
have you been listening to the weeps and wails of lost souls?
for when morning comes, Aine arrives and i may not be here anymore
will you miss me if that happens?
or will you be the same as always and to not care?

on sunday evenings, i see your reflection on the lakes of the meadows, Luna
how we used to talk restlessly about insignificant little frogs up our throat
given the idea that i may die within the forest
with vines as my noose
as you watch me dangling from the tree i used to swing on
maybe these are all wishful thinking

just know that you are everything
Luna my love
Aug 2020 · 74
Chew
Juls Aug 2020
chew your food properly
don't let anything go to waste
as smacks ring across the table
i scold you for chewing too loudly

we bicker and we fight
for something so trivial like leaving
screaming like two tigers
with harsh words filling the dark and empty room

hold onto your words properly
don't let anything go to waste
for i've poured too much of the love you can't promise me
as we let go of our final goodbyes
Mar 2020 · 91
the eulogy of me
Juls Mar 2020
amidst all these chaos
i am but a withering flower
polluted and diseased

a wonderer, wondering
where will i ever belong
in this big, bad world

i am but a flightless fish
caged in this contaminated aquarium
with all the floating, dead fish

a lawless city
filled with outlaws
committing crime

amidst all these chaos
i am but a lonely boy
yearning death
as time passes by
Jan 2020 · 68
Saturday Afternoon
Juls Jan 2020
you were as elegant as hummingbirds,
sipping dripping nectar.
as soothing as the sea shells,
clenched within the sandy shores of Miami.
as gentle as the raindrops,
pouring down on a Saturday afternoon.
and as I slip into a deep sleep of euphoria,
I can only think of what little memories I've left of you.
I hope you're well.
Jan 2020 · 81
note to self
Juls Jan 2020
honey, you'd lose the love given to you
but darling, promise me
to never lose yourself
Jul 2019 · 118
plethora of fucks
Juls Jul 2019
i know it's not the same
and we're both drowning
drowning from the sorrow
the sorrow that is us
just leave me alone
Jul 2019 · 96
-
Juls Jul 2019
-
i want to ******* die
and i believe in free verse
Jan 2019 · 160
blur
Juls Jan 2019
i haven't written in ages
and everything's a blur to me
though i might be oblivious of everything around me
i could still hear their screams
as they continued to shun me
all i could do is to shun them back
i want to have someone to talk to
but i couldn't utter the words i want to relay
i don't have a home
it's all a wreck for me
i don't have a home if it's not you
everything's a wreck
and i'm not maturing correctly
i couldn't do things right
i just couldn't see things right
i couldn't see things right
if it's not you
Jan 2019 · 327
ember
Juls Jan 2019
woke up to the sight of a tall hedged maze
as children played in their castles and cardboard boxes with their make believe friends
and as they delved in from my point of view
they realized that i am nothing but an ember
barely keeping my flames alive
Oct 2018 · 185
Psycho
Juls Oct 2018
you tore through my chest
grabbed my innards
and pulled them out
like a cannibal with an insatiable thirst for blood
only you were craving someone else's pain
and as you picked me as your next victim
i fell for your trap
you've shown me the idealistic traits of my ideal girl
but never shown your dark intentions of hurting me
and as we slowly creeped in on our final day
you've carved your name on my heart
as you walked away
leaving me broken and breathless
and shown me your psychopathic ways
i never knew someone could make you go insane
my sanity slowly declined
as you neglected me without empathy
i ******* hate you
Oct 2018 · 177
you
Juls Oct 2018
you
from crows gazing down on you with anger
comes humming birds that'll raise your heart with surprises
from hornets coming at you like a maniac's chainsaw
comes buzzing bees that'll bring you joyous and luscious honey
from thunderstorms throwing thunderclaps
comes drizzling waves of soothing sounds with each tap of droplets from the window
from dampened lakes on the corner of our heart
comes a deep and divine sea of kindness and prosperity
of you and your flower field mind
Oct 2018 · 419
am i?
Juls Oct 2018
am i really that bad?
am i really that unlovable?
for people to think that everything i say is a joke?
for people to think that my feelings are just for comedic purposes?
i'm not that bad, believe me
but **** it
it's useless for me to yap on about this *******
you'd still treat me like ****
Sep 2018 · 216
Silence
Juls Sep 2018
through my ears, there's this ringing silence
silence that can make my ears bleed
silence that can turn my eyes dark
and as i slip to a state of sadness and pure insanity
i realize that we can never speak
and it makes my heart ache
for slowly, my sanity and mental health, steadily
declines itself
here i am, laying
grieving
thinking, about what it would be like to be with someone like you
but then reality hits, that maybe we may never be
together
now, all i can render are your photos
photos of you and your optimistic smiles
then, i haven't noticed that i'm slowly killing myself
for sadness is consuming me, ever so slowly
maybe it is true, of a young poet's unrequited love
you're the subject of a young poets unrequited love
Sep 2018 · 146
me
Juls Sep 2018
me
still longing for a dreadful accident
with my life, clinging on to such a thin line
let me die
Sep 2018 · 131
losing myself
Juls Sep 2018
i'm ******* losing myself
i'm ******* losing myself again
and all i could ever think about is death
the sweet idea of death
the joyous idea of my impending doom
and here i am
shackled down by the darkness's cold embrace
staring death with his optimistic grin
playing a losing game of chess with my sadness
with my mind, consumed by the darkness
i'm ******* losing myself
i'm ******* losing myself again
Aug 2018 · 215
Twilight Zone
Juls Aug 2018
It was all summer and spring once upon a time,
All of me was yours, and all of you was mine
I was aware of your winters as well,
And you were well versed of my hells
But I never knew our inferno would be this kind of gray
The kind where you doubt, whether to leave or to stay.
And we both know this isn't what we called home.
We're stuck in misery,
Running dry in our twilight zone
Jul 2018 · 273
Unspoken Words
Juls Jul 2018
I'm sorry if I was selfish
that I never noticed that you were having a hard time
you've told me multiple times that you'd never leave
that we'll be together through thick and thin
some thought that we were young and naive
that we didn't know what we were doing
but I was sure that we both did know
you understood my problems and tried to fix me
but I never entertained the fact that you were doing everything to fix me and help me, but never gave time for yourself
I know I was selfish
and I apologize for being like that
now that you left me
It seems like there's no chance of fixing this
they said you're now happy,  and that you're okay
I'm happy for you
but it's still hard
it really is
here I am
talking and thinking about things I should've said before you left
these Unspoken words of mine.
fml

— The End —