Again the uneasiness
snuck upon me,
like an empty shadow
on a darken street,
it devoured me.

I was wasting time ,
wasting away.

I sat
parked on some
numbered street with
too many lights and
not enough trees.
I guarded a warm beer
between my legs
and watched
as lost souls haunted  the
city streets in the night.

The car held that  resiny aroma
that only *** can leave behind
in an enclosed area.
I pulled from the beer
and felt the alcohol
wash away a bit
of the plague that insisted
I play host to.

I looked down upon
the pistol,
it laid on the empty
passenger seat wrapped
in a grease stained towel.
It reminded me of a Mexican
baby strapped to its  mothers back,
snug and secure.

That's how I used to feel when I
was alone walking darkened streets
with only the pistol to rely on.
Secure.
I have a hard time remembering
when it was or what it was to
be  secure about anything at all.

Lately my time is spent living
with this sense of dread
accompanied by a nauseating unease.
I turn away from the talking
heads on the programmed box,
I've lived enough horrors,
I don't need to hear their tales.

I looked again to the pistol,
the pistol was bored with me.
I didn't show it enough action,
It laughed at me through the
blackness of the barrel.

In the mornings the
pistol hummed
as I fixed and washed
the nightmares
from my eyes.

And when the sun would set
the pistol would  yawn.
Another mocking gesture
just to show me  how done
with me it had truly become.

So many nightmares
So much drama
So much talk
So many problems
So much to do
So little time

what is with the time frame?
why not slow it down a tad?
something will hit you
why let all the stuff get in the way?

Silence
It spreads through me
like a wild fire through the trees of old
It may be deadly
But it beautifies their enchantment
Their beautiful wings spread open
And they fly into the spring wind
letting everyone know autumn is here
Silence
The birds singing their song
letting everyone know that morning has come
that it is time for the rain to begin
Silence
The wind through the grass
it sets itself against the gentleness
it sets itself up for a journey
Silence
its a piano playing for the last time
its the last day of school
its the secrets that lie within
its the power to hold a key
a key that you never knew you had
Silence
Silence
Silence
Let it be apart of your  first crush
let it be apart of your first child
let it be apart of your marriage
Let it be apart of YOU

Hooves beating like a drum in my head, I cant think about anything other than that feeling of being on the back of my dreams. knowing that my dreams are there, that I just have to reach for them. It seems like I am trying something for the first time and it is so hard to reach for the one thing I was trying to begin. someone tell me what to do, someone tell me are they worth it? I answer myself about believing in myself and trying to dial my answer into my mind. I will go back to the beating of hooves and the night above me and the stars that shine along the moon. something in the night wants me to dream again, no matter how long it will take something tells me to begin again and watch from the sidelines as I make all that hard work go to good use. The stepping stones where hard to walk on. as was healing my heart after every move, but even if the rocks felt like glass I kept on walking and I kept my tears hidden within the heart's doors. the stones became bearable and my heart healed itself as one of my dreams came closer to my stubborn choices and my unbearable painful memories. Yet my head never touched my chest, my eyes never stopped looking forward and my hands never stopped helping, but my mind always wanted to run away and go to the sound of galloping horses and the sound of the wind in the trees, while their lovely leaves touched the ground at the feet of a pond filled to the bone with glittering fish. Then at that point I always wake to the sound of chirping birds and a mind full of peace.

I've been strengthen by these
defeats and I've loved
several different women
with all of my heart.
All of whom I wish
to never see again.

Alone is when I'm at
my greatest and alone
I am with these
demons who influence my
world.

This hand keeps reaching
and coming up empty.
And we are all getting
older,so much older.

The promises fall short
and the hopes all began
to fade like a dying star
far off in the
Pleiades.

**** it all away
and consume,
buy it all up and attempt
to fill that empty space
that is your soul.

I'll continue on my
way with this .
I'll continue on my
way alone and only
on rare occasions will
I be happy.

And that is how
it's meant to be.