The boy was alone
alone while surrounded
by the phantoms of what was,
a torturous lonesomeness
which hardened him
what was once warm and vibrant
was slowly cooling
like the Earth
after the cosmic soup of the big bang
He wasn't quite ready for it
to be tossed into the pit
of living and breathing
he never asked for it
but he knew he had to be tough
stiff lipped
deadly,
so he quelled the complaints
tucked them down in his heart
which had adopted the pace
of war machines
his view had shifted
a world once of wonder
was now infuriating
he wanted to end it
one great final bang
to end all bangs
so that he might be left
to whimper
to be warm again
to miss everything
he had just sent
flaming into oblivion
he was on the reaper's path
a dead man walking

Redemption came forth
and hit him
like a moment of adolescent embarrassment
it wasn't the girl herself
rather,
what she stood for
in his eyes
she was afflicted by the same world as he
and yet she found ways to dance
and sing
and love
he admired that most,
little by little
she coaxed him forward
back from beyond the brink
of primordial passions
back from beyond the tipping point
between helping and hurting,
slowly his anger changed
from something bitter and lifeless
into a fiery explosion
splitting the night sky
a second sun
she showed him how to shape it,
direct it,
sharpen it,
she showed him
how his aim may stay true,
and she made him deadlier
because she gave him a purpose
and a target,
somewhere to go.
And before long
he could remember
what it was like
to still have innocence
his rage simmered down
and became healthy passion
healing and assuring
no longer a sword
but a shield
and he had the notion
that maybe one day
this creature from on high
could even allow him
not to just give love
but to accept it
which was the greatest
gift of all

once i read that when it rains, the angels are crying.
why doesn't it rain when i cry
i'd hug you when you're sad
i'd yell at that boy who hurt you
even though i'm afraid of confrontation

once i talked to a boy for you
i was scared out of my mind
i wanted to run away and never come back
i still don't know where that courage came from
maybe it was you

you're my best friend
you taught me to fight dragons
jump into the ocean
talk to strangers
leap at the stars and grab them with both hands

without you
my dragons would have burnt me to death
i would have drowned in my ocean
my strangers would have never heard my voice trembling and shaking from fear
so much fear
without you
i wouldn't know what stars looked like up close

so maybe when it rains, you're the one crying
because you're my angel

You're supposed to make me feel
Safe and secure.
You're supposed to help me through
The good and the bad.
My shoulders to cry on,
The ones I can always rely on,
Ones that will never judge me,

But I guess that I will never fit the stereotype of
*"One, big, happy family"

Animus,
(Noun):
purpose,
intention,
animating spirit,
mind,
courage,
passion,
wrath,
living rather than simply being alive,
it's my favorite word

i'm awfully
sensual
for someone who knows
nothing
about senses

You come and go,
Like you don't want me to see you,
To feel you.
Gone.
Just like that.
When I finally relax.
You're there,
But suddenly, you leave.
Just like everything else.
You're gone.
Leaving me, to once again
Fend for myself.