i want to grow like flowers towards the sun
paint me in the image of a
so I may always bask in light,
kissed by sacred bees
I might be vain but I long to be beautiful and without a care in the world.
the sun-warmed dirt would be a lovely place to plant my tired feet
and rest for a spell, nothing more and nothing less,
to be a blessed child of gaia,
protected by demeter
soft, softer, softest.
kind, kinder, kindest.
pure, purer, purest.
as much as i want to succeed and have a career and a life of my own, i want nothing more than to be so kind it changes the world. my heart is stable shelter in a hurricane and i'll let you wait out this storm with me a while.
though ice is cooled by my hands, i radiate warmth. i've swallowed starlight and fostered it in my core and it bursts from me.
my gentleness has been tempered by fire and is my greatest strength.
i long for the day when this doesn’t hurt,
when i don’t tell the story in paragraphs
always defending, always justifying -
that it comes out in simple sentences.
“i loved him, and i thought he loved me the same.
i was wrong. there was someone else,
and then there was just me. i wasn’t enough,
and i’m not sure if i am now.
i still love him.”
i long for the day when my decision
other times, i long for the day
when we are only casual acquaintances,
exchanging pleasantries every few months.
we won’t talk about when we were so close
our roots were intertwined.
instead, we’ll talk about how we’re
happy for each other, and we’ll mean it.
mostly, i just want to be better.
the torn edges of my self
smoothed out like the
river pounds the rock,
so will the stream of time
round me out.
i want to laugh and love and live vibrantly.
i wrote this nearly a year ago after being cheated on. i wish i could revisit it to add how things are now but that doesn't feel right.
— The End —