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6.9k · Jul 2014
Rant
Judex Banzuela Jul 2014
Magkaroon naman sana ako ng pagmamahal na hindi ko pagsisisihan; Pagmamahal na ika-kasaya ko at makakapawi ng lungkot ko. Pagmamahal na kayang tanggapin ako at ang buong pagkatao ko. Yung pagmamahal na kahit may kulang ay kontentado. Pagmamahal na sa umaga palang na makakatanggap ako ng text mo, ay buo na ang araw ko. At pagmamahal na sigurado ako na ako lang ang laman ng puso mo. Maibibigay mo ba sa akin yan para mapasaya mo ko? Oh kailangan ko nalang tanggapin na walang pagmamahal na perpekto?
Not a poetry
1.9k · Jul 2014
Unfair
Judex Banzuela Jul 2014
i know
there are
other fishes
in the sea
but it's so unfair
for you to
keep swimming
after choosing
me
937 · Jul 2014
Wrecked
Judex Banzuela Jul 2014
i allowed
you
to disrespect
me
and
it’s hard
to forgive
myself
for that
749 · Jul 2014
invisible
Judex Banzuela Jul 2014
she's visible
the center of attraction
i am her friend
i'm a ghost
always invisible
749 · Jul 2014
Bruised
Judex Banzuela Jul 2014
You said I was pretty
And one of a kind

You secured me
And changed how i view myself

You said you will love me
Until the very end

I trusted your words
I memorized your every line

You gripped my hand tight
You said you'll never let me go

I forgot that words can wither
And feelings can change too

Our song stopped humming
You started letting go of my hand

What happened to our ending?
You just left me bruised.
Totally not my best
696 · Jul 2014
Untitled
Judex Banzuela Jul 2014
I hate you
But love you

Despise you
But adore you

I tried to list your flaws
But instead simply realized your perfections

I want you to be happy
But I can’t stand being so sad

I wish I could forget you
Wish I had never met you

But at the same time,
I can’t imagine anything more upsetting

Than having never had the opportunity
To fall in love you.
683 · Sep 2014
I want
Judex Banzuela Sep 2014
I want a morning,
A golden glowing sunrise
Where we sit,
Just me and you.

I want coffee,
And words,
And oxygen
To be shared by our lips;
And electric currents
to synchronize our pulses.

I want mornings,
Not the kind where you wake up
sleepy eyed and still tired,
I want the kind where you haven’t gone to bed
yet and couldn’t be more awake.

I want the most catastrophic love story,
The kind that cannot be told;
The kind that cannot be imagined or thought up.

Simply because there were no words,
None which were ever invented,
That could be so impeccably bold.
637 · Jul 2014
You're amazing
Judex Banzuela Jul 2014
How does it feel to be you
To walk, talk, smile
Just like you do

To enter a room
And have everyone stare at you

Whispering your name
Between their teeth,
Touching it with their hearts,
Making love to you

While you unaware of what's happening
Just smiling, waving
And staring

And later at home
Breaking down in your bed
Weeping, and hating

Why can't you see,
how amazing you are?
577 · Sep 2014
Choice
Judex Banzuela Sep 2014
In life, everything is a choice
To wear pants or shorts
To exercise or to stay fat

Choose to study or slack off
To text back or just ignore
Do a movie marathon or to read a book all day

In life, everything is a choice
And I choose to love you
Even if it is a risk I have to take
507 · Jul 2014
Did you mean to?
Judex Banzuela Jul 2014
I feel bits of you
in my bones,
did you mean to leave
so much behind?

Did you mean
to call, to walk,
to speak, to drive
to where you’d pick me up

late at night?

Did you mean to lie,
or was it just an idea
at the time?

Would you have still
said what you said? 

If you knew
I’d still feel
bits of you
but they aren’t you

anymore.
494 · Jul 2014
Untitled
Judex Banzuela Jul 2014
flying free seems like a
luxury
but I know that there is
nothing
that is truly free,
the choices we face
all come with certain
consequences
so choose wisely
for you will be tested
360 · Jul 2014
tragedy
Judex Banzuela Jul 2014
I was so scared of the typhoon hitting the city
Because it reminds me of how you first got me
And we ended like a tragedy
339 · Aug 2014
Church
Judex Banzuela Aug 2014
Judgmental eyes everywhere
Hypocrites all around this place

They use their mouths to praise Him
They also use them to curse me

Gossips surrounding everywhere
Unending stares that scares me

I feel like I'm tormented in this place
Oh God, oh God, please do save me.
330 · May 2015
meeting you again
Judex Banzuela May 2015
You make my heart crumble into tiny pieces
and oddly, you crush them in a poetic way
that sounded so beautiful.
I was badly hurting but your eyes twinkled
like stars in the dark sky and then I thought,
“Maybe it’s okay.”
328 · Sep 2014
Good bye
Judex Banzuela Sep 2014
From what I see,
you are better off
without me.
Judex Banzuela Aug 2014
You are loved. I know you agree with me that 9 out of 10 girls, seek attention from the opposite ***. Who wouldn't want the feeling of being liked back? No one, right? However, asking for it can be too much. Sometimes you begin to start looking so desperate. And you wouldn't like people judging you as a flirt. Always remember that you are loved no matter what and you don't need a male specie to prove you that you are loved.
2. You are of worth. Your worth cannot be measured by the circumference of your waist or the width of your delicate hips. You are worth more than the holes in your walls and the crumpled up papers from words you just couldn't write down the right way. You are the sun and the moon and hold all the stars in your eyes. You are worth falling in love in a street corner coffee shop. You are worth more than all of this. You are you, and there is no one worth more.
3. You are beautiful. I don't understand why you don't like what you see in front of the mirror. There's an air about you, that sets off a certain glow. Like a painting hanging on display, you are a wonderful piece of art. You are unbearably beautiful, the blackness of your iris and the curl on your smile, the smoothness of your skin, every feature about you captivates. You are beautiful.
277 · May 2015
Waves
Judex Banzuela May 2015
I am okay
Everything will be alright
But now and then
The weight of his absence
Hits me like a tidal wave
Pulling me in to a sea of memories
Soaking my pillow with salt water tears
And washing me ashore
Where it leaves me
Cold and empty
Longing
To once again feel
Warm and safe in his arms
268 · Aug 2014
A faith so raw
Judex Banzuela Aug 2014
I love seeing a faith that’s so raw
real and beautiful
that enlarges my faith too.

No magic tricks or fireworks:
just the slow-burning
smolder of a steady glow.

I want to be that person
for someone else too.
265 · Sep 2014
ugh
Judex Banzuela Sep 2014
ugh
I look into your eyes
And I think of
Poetry filled lines
And your voice has me on
My tippy toes.
You have  n o   i d e a  what your voice
Does to me.
I felt b r o k e n,
Until I met **you.
Judex Banzuela Aug 2014
i love our four in the morning
talks when my eyes droop
and urge me to sleep again.

it is nice to know that while
the world is in slumber,
your mind is still stuck on me.
Not an original.
229 · Oct 2014
Untitled
Judex Banzuela Oct 2014
Are there times when you feel empty? Are there times when you feel tired of doing the same thing over and over again? Are there times when youre just tired of being tired? And you ask yourself, "what's the point of doing these things anyway?"

Suddenly, we catch ourselves doing crazy things. Such as, smoking, drinking, spending too much time with friends, running away from home, running away from school just to escape this crazy world we live in. Just to escape even just for a while.

But still, you realize the moment you wake up that you cant escape it. So you try and try to live. And it feels like living this life is something we just cant escape. It kinda feels like we're required to live. Like we're trapped in a prison's cell.

There are also moments when we feel like we want to end our lives. Every night, we think of ways on how to cut our life line and end our lives. We think of hanging ourselves, cutting our wrists, jumping off the building or maybe drinking pills until we're overdosed.

But most people like us come across of the thought of what will happen if we end our lives today? Will we even make it to heaven after doing such crazy things? Will God even acknowledge us and welcome us after hurting ourselves? After hurting Him?

I am a Christian. I was born in a Christian family. My dad was a leader in church, my brother and sister were an active members of the children's choir and my mom teaches the whole children's choir. I, in the other hand taught children about the Bible and became an active member of the worship team.

However, most of us agree that Christians like me can get depressed, but can Christians get suicidal? I suspect that many in the Church unconsciously believe that Christians do not and should not become suicidal, because suicide is, after all, something that only happens when you lose all hope and dont Christians have the best Hope there is?

I always believed that God absolutely, 100% has the power to heal me of my depression. But during those darkest nights, i didnt believe that God would heal me, even though i knew He could. I never lost hope in Jesus, but i did lose hope for recovery. All i wanted more than anything else was to rest in the arms of my savior.

It was the hardest battle i had ever faced. I lost all hope and faith in God. I rejected all comfort and advice being given by my family and friends. I started isolating myself from the world, my family and especially God.

The temptation to **** myself felt like too much to bear. And so i had two options, to give in to the temptation and commit an irreversible but not forgivable sin, or believe God's promise in 1 Cor 10:13, “God is faithful; He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, He will also provide a way out so that you can endure it”
224 · Aug 2014
Sing Me A Song
Judex Banzuela Aug 2014
sing me a song
that will give me chills
until it reaches through my spine
and that will linger in my heart

oh, sing me a song
sing that song you sing to me
i long to hear your voice
sing this sadness away

let your voice cradle me the whole night
let your song calm me
until i fall into slumber
and eventually dream of you

oh dear,
will you please sing me a song?
221 · Jul 2014
Gian
Judex Banzuela Jul 2014
Can you hear me calling
My voice is everywhere
I may not be beside you
But I promise
I’ll always care.

About you, every moment
You are in my heart.
I can hear you calling me
I’m so sorry we had to part.

But it is only for a little while
And really, I’m not gone.
For I am always with you
Deep within your heart.
216 · Jan 2015
You
Judex Banzuela Jan 2015
You
“I ran away from him
For a long time
Through happiness, sorrows, emptiness
that never left me.
And yet this silent voice, insistent:
‘Who do you have but Him?’
All things declare, attract, point to you

And you chased me
During all these years.
How could I resist?

Now I know Lord, I know
You hear my prayers.
I know because I prayed with these words:
‘Please God do not give up on me.’
And you did not.”
207 · Aug 2014
Does he?
Judex Banzuela Aug 2014
The silence still kills
It’s too
d
       e
              e
                   p

to fill.
All I can think is,
does he love me still?
206 · Jul 2014
I just can't
Judex Banzuela Jul 2014
i write
and i write
and i write...

oh dang,

i just can't
stop writing
about you
206 · May 2015
Untitled
Judex Banzuela May 2015
Every time my mind drifts to the thought of you,
it replays all the moments I’ve learned to cherish;
like the day we first met, the day we dove into the deepest and
darkest corners of our minds, and the day you took me on a little adventure in the place you loved most.
And then comes those moments,
I would rather forget;
like those days wherein I watched our connection slowly fade away,
then the day I finally lost you, and finally those days that I spent
denying the fact that I lost you.
The feeling I get when I remember you, is the most bittersweet feeling I had ever felt.
202 · Jan 2015
Untitled
Judex Banzuela Jan 2015
i write and edit

draft after draft

but nothing seems

to turn out quite right
honestly I just want

to make sense of things

like whatever happened

between you and me
To the guy I saw last night. Haha.
195 · Jul 2014
How could you?
Judex Banzuela Jul 2014
How could you say those words
When you don't even know how to keep them?

How could you lie to me
When you said it was only me?

How could you kiss her lips
When you said you will only kiss someone
When you reach the altar?

****,
How could you?
194 · Aug 2014
Silly Game
Judex Banzuela Aug 2014
"It's only you."
That's what you said.

I trusted every word from your mouth,
believed in every single promises you made
I held your hand even during the times when
holding on to you was difficult
loved every imperfection you have
faithful to you when you remained faithless

You in the other hand,
played and jumbled those words
held her hand when i was also holding on to you
you were kissing her during the times i was thinking of you
If i had known i'd be leaving

It was just a game after all.
And you are a player.
191 · Jul 2014
Let Me Out
Judex Banzuela Jul 2014
My thoughts are like fires,
Infernos in my head
Burning, wrecking
inside my soul.
I try to close my eyes,
To blank out the evil
But fires glow brighter
In the dark.
189 · Jul 2014
Regrets
Judex Banzuela Jul 2014
I should have loved you less.
I should have ignored you.
I should have not entertained my feels.

I should have listened to my friends.
I should have loved my self more.
I should have focused on Him rather than you.
176 · Jul 2014
Writing
Judex Banzuela Jul 2014
I never knew writing would be my only cure
It takes away my stress
And, removes all the pain away
167 · Jul 2014
Untitled
Judex Banzuela Jul 2014
Love came down and went back up
But left a letter sufficient enough

It’s all we’ll ever need
The glass through which we see

I know I’ve fogged this perfect lens
With thoughts and deeds that make me bend

But falling isn’t failure
When Your words catch me in the end.
160 · Jul 2014
Waste
Judex Banzuela Jul 2014
It wasn’t
That we weren’t meant to be.

It wasn’t
That we didn’t have the purest love.

It wasn’t
That we couldn’t survive the storm.

It wasn’t
That you didn’t love me.

It was
Beautiful.

Until it wasn’t.

You didn’t choose me.
And what it was
Is a waste.
159 · Aug 2014
Untitled
Judex Banzuela Aug 2014
For the first five minutes
of every morning,
I forget you exist.

Then I stumble upon
something that
reminds me of you.

I'm back to being miserable.
156 · Jul 2014
Enough
Judex Banzuela Jul 2014
Why do I search
for parts to complete
myself?

When will I
start to learn
that I am
all I have?

And that
should be
more than
enough.
147 · Jul 2014
I was lost
Judex Banzuela Jul 2014
I didn’t know who I was
so I looked for myself
in every book
every song
and every movie.
But I wasn’t there.
I was lost.

— The End —