You are not the first,
I loved,
Or even maybe
The last,
(I lie, you're the one)

I want your heart,
To capture,
Your soul, such
Sweet rapture,
(I swear, you can trust in me)

I wait in the spaces,
Distances between,
Land & sea, left
Caged unfree,
(I promise, you set me free)

Maybe we once met,
Birthday parties,
Smiling & laughing, kids
Skating parks,
(Remember how you saved me)

You sent me a smile,
Guiding me,
Holding my hand, you
Lifted me,
(Did I even thank you)

Always admiring your,
Relentless determination,
A mere stranger, who
You loved,
(I love you more)

I know this is past,
Imagined insane,
Know you now, my
Clambering mind,
(Are you just a dream)

I fell in love with you,
First sight,
No turning back, a
Massive attack,
(Did we meet at another time)

To find you back in,
My sight,
That first night, a
Drawing mind,
(Dreamscape, dreamscape, dreamscape)

You are all that I,
Dream of,
Every single night, when
You're quiet,
(Let it be, let it be, let it be)

You are all that matters to me,
as honest as the words I type,
sing,
or write.
I don't ever want to see,
you out of sight.
You seem so familiar,
a stranger set alight,
I see from afar,
someone known in flight.

© Sia Jane

they apologized
to clear their
conscience
not because
they were sorry.

Life had stained her
a reflection upon,
a broken glass mirror
naked, only butterflies
cover my *******
love hearts & roses,
form tattoos across,
around, my spine
decorating this bare
form, one alive, one a ghost
she's my best friend,
writing poetry together
she teaches me Spanish,
the work of Pablo Neruda
on the kitchen sideboards,
shed of our black leather
pencil skirts,
you played, so seductively
with the long waves
in my blonde sun tinted hair,
painting nails, spring baby blu
you rip pages of books, black & white
newspaper prints of unicorns,
they are playing with a younger self,
moi, je fais de la bicyclette,
les fleurs, a milliners gift box
baskets filled with,
shells from the sea shore
to which we always travel
la lune et le soleil,
knowing three things can
never remain hidden; the sun, the moon,
& my truth (not yours)
for that should be me,
not you.

© Sia Jane

hell is a state of mind
when you lose all the knowledge you once had
when the confidence you fought so hard to obtain
vanishes
when you fruitlessly google your countless camalities
scrambling through advice columns and blogs
to answer a question which may not even be the right one

hell is a state of mind
where you can only come up with brilliant ideas
when you lack the capacity to act up on them
when your energy is drained

hell is a state of mind
where you can only connect the dots before you hit the pillow
where it turns an attempted 8 hour sleep
into a 3 hour death roll

hell is a state of mind
that you're lost in

i dont want to wake up anymore
i just dont

not here, here, here

inside, outside, her head
bath tub, bubbles shaped
like balloons, rising
in the air,
cut open, she
precludes the secret nature
of her love,

he loved, her
every ballet she danced
pink fur, a butterfly moving,
on tips of toes,
tripping the light, en pointe
painted pale lips,
winged eyeliner, corset
silk, golden embellished,
Lacroix,
feathered tutu, romantic
Tchaikovsky's compositions,
faery tale ballets,
Swan Lake, Paris Opéra
Odette, a sorcerer's curse
falling to her fate, black
later, taxi rides home, kissing
moonlight, bedroom laughter,

KNOCK

not here, here, here

the bathroom door,
she kisses away,
her melancholy madness,
his voice; *Laurier...
her soul, punctured
by her lover...

not here, here, here

© Sia Jane

i've grown tired of my words
because they sound so much
like me.