There's a sound in the house
It's a strange noise
It creeps inside
through the cracks
in the windows.
It rises up through the gaps
in the floorboards.

Silently, quietly, almost imperceptible.
Until it reaches my ears
Then the crescendo of symbols
The screaming of dying things
Fill my head.

But it still silent
Until it touches my heart.
And then I hear the softness
Of your sweet voice
The sounds of christmases past
Of love and passion
Of children and laughter
Of the touch of your lips on my skin.

And the cacahpony of a lifetime
Deafens My spirit
The sound of silence returns
To torment again another day

And the loss of you
Cuts my heart like a razor.

It was the lilacs
Yes of course the lilacs
How can the spring of youth
resist them
I know we could not.

He was too young for me
Too handsome
His hair too long and blonde
His eyes too blue.

But the lilacs
Their fragrance as heavy
As dew.
My heart overpowered
At an age when love
has surely passed me by.
But he came into the lilacs fragrance.
Running down the country road all alone
I was answering my cell phone
a business call
Then the accident the noise on the car
The sight of him flying in the air
The silence.

All I had thought about
was money success
Spoiled getting all I wanted.
But he was lay there in the road.
I cradled him to my breast
he was so beautiful.

Are you an angel
he said am I in heaven.
From the road the wild lilacs
sang their sweet song
No not in heaven
you are here on earth.

Can I stay here forever
You are beautiful don't leave me
Let me breathe your lilacs
At the hospital he was treated
He is in bad shape the doctors said
he's pretty broken up
I doubt he will walk again.

Can he stay here I asked
not really he has no insurance,
He will be moved to county asap.
Don't do that I will pay she said.

He went into a coma
for seven weeks
I Sat with him every night
When he awoke
he looked at me with his
Beautiful piercing blue eyes.

You are my angel
he whispered.
You saved me
I belong to you now.

He learned how to walk again
I helped him regain his strength
Then he got well
And I realised
I was going to miss him
So very much.

I asked him what he wanted
I would buy it for him.
He said only you and the lilacs
I said you are too young for me.
You will not want me when I get older..
But he countered  
I want you now my angel

A year later
I just gave birth to our child
She is beautiful
Born in the late spring
When the Lilacs bloom.

The Grave is hard to find
so many of them all identical.
I sit down next to you for our chat.
Sis its mothers day
I was just thinking about you.
How you used to bring your kids
to visit their single uncle
.
Your old station wagon
Pulled to halt in my driveway.Sis.
Your five children fall out
of its rusted doors.
shouting and laughing.
Backfiring as you turn
off the noisy engine.

You slipped ghostlike
from the driver's seat
After five hours of driving
In a bedlam of children’s noise.
you looked so slight and frail
The very sight of you Sis,,
Melted my heart again.

You tell me your husbands left you.
And you have nowhere to live.
I enfold you in my arms
And whisper you always
have a place to live in my house
And in my heart honey

We have lost you now sis
The crab sign won that battle
Don't worry honey
The kids are fine with me.
They started calling me dad
Over a year ago.

They are great kids Sis.
You must be so proud
watching them from heaven

Angel is fifteen now
she looks just like you sis
I look at her sometime
And mouth out your name.

No I never did get Married Sis.
Don't pretend you never knew
I was gay .

I must go fix the kids dinner
Honey I will be back to see you soon.

I love you Sis
I always will

Within the night an angel calls
In darkest sleep the shadow falls
In breathes of slumber they appear
as though they always were so near.

Lost memories haunt in cracks of light
Finding the saddest tears in dark of night.
Your fingers tingle upon my skin
As again the memories begin.

Let me pass this darkest scene
whispering words you did not mean
Just kiss me deeply once again
And let me drown in cruelest pain.

Birthdays and forevers

Jude writes as a woman again

Its my birthday
40 *** no not that age.
I turn In the bed the lounge lizard I met at the bar
last night wants one more go at me.

I tell him I need to take a call my mom
she calls me first on my birthday its a ritual.
She says her friend is coming in from Columbus Ohio
She has her son with her
she wants me to join them for dinner tonight
give them  a California welcome.

I went,
mom gave me
the men don't marry easy women speech
and told me she could see my *******
through my blouse.
I was ready for the boring night
of platitudes from moms friend.
But it was then I met him.

He was so beautiful
why do the young
have  to  be  So ******* beautiful.
He noticed my *******
I think he was fascinated by me
to my shame I flirted with him.
We went outside
I lit a joint and we shared it.

How. Old are you I asked
Old enough
  he said and held my gaze.
I took him home and ****** him
it was beautiful
not like the bar trash I usually got.
I wanted to give him everything.

My mom was mad the next day.
She said leave him alone he's only 23
But I didn't
I wanted to undress for him again.
And I did.

He would not go back home east
with his mother?
In truth I wanted him to stay
I let him stay at my place.
I never do that

I have not found anyone in ten years
I wanted to spend even  a weekend with.
But he touched me, deeply,
So ******* innocent
I gave him everything.

He had no job or money.
I found him playing Nintendo
after work and drinking my beer and wine.
He was a bit intoxicated one night
and I got mad and threw him out.

He phoned me twenty times a day
So I let him back
I undressed  for him as always
and he took me to the Bed
He had no condoms
but I Had missed him so much
I just wanted him.

It was eight weeks later
I realized I was pregnant?
Young guys like him
are full of fast moving fishes.
I sent him away back to Columbus
He was crying
and told me he loved me.
But I could not trap him
to parenting a baby.

A year later he
He was outside my door
he said he loved me
and couldn't live without me.
I tried to stop him coming in
but his beautiful eyes got me again

I undressed for him
and we made love on the bed.
The baby awoke in the next room
And he went in to see her.
He looked up at me
and he knew ...he knew

He said nothing
and picked up our daughter
holding her close to his heart.
He kissed her head
and comforted her,
Its alright honey
daddy's here
he whispered to the child

A year later

Our  second child
was born two weeks ago
hes a beautiful boy.
He has his father's eyes.

As for me,
I found my soulmate
nobody ever said
he had to the same age.

The butterfly rest on my arm
Can its stubborn strength
save the world?
Is it touching
everyone and everything
With its butterfly effect.?

Or can it just save me?
From my desires.
From my needs and lust.
From my loneliness and despair.
Like the warmth
of a perfumed dreamed embrace
In the cold darkness of night.

Can it end the burning cauldron
Of intensity
inside my wounded chest?
This aching
This burning desire.
This smoldering fire.
This latent heat.
This lonely heart.

Memories and dreams
Fall down from the skies
Shapes of old lovers
That weep in my eyes.

Whispers of hello
Songs of goodbyes
Hymns  of old lovers
With passionate sighs

sounds from the cellar
Where they park all lost lies.
It's the ghost of old lovers
Wailing regrets and goodbyes.

The prison gates  are open
There's no cage or bars
Just thoughts made of memories
And the gravity of stars.