Mrs Chowdury
1951
Manchester in
The North West Of England

The city was broken after the war.
England had won it was said
But it didn't feel like we won anything.
I remember the
old smoke stained bricks
of the inner city school.
I remember it in sepia
It had no bright colors back then.
Nothing did.

That is, until Mrs Chowdury came to teach us.
She was as beautiful as her silks
That flowed from her like clouds.
So many colors,reds
and magentas and pink and blues

I looked at her and
I wanted to be with her
She was the brightest thing
I had ever seen
since the war had ended.

She said she was from India.
And her dress was a sari.
She took my heart with the
gentle softness of her voice.
Her windchime bracelets
on her lovely honeyed skin tinkled.
But it was her tranquility
that floored me.

She would ask
what have you learned today children?
share it with us.
We spoke in a cacophony.
Hush now children she whispered.
listen and learn from each other.
You will all get a turn.

Then when we were troubled
she would drop an important meeting
with adult teachers.
I have an urgent need to speak
with one of my students
She would say.

I remember once
i said to her, Mrs. Chowdhury.
Why should we work so hard?
there are no jobs anymore.

She said softly but firmly
I know you all each
and every one of you.
Her sari swished even louder
I knew I had said the wrong thing.

There is a teacher,
a doctor,
a nurse,
a poet,
a craftsman,
a soccer player,
just in this class,
i can see it,
I Know this.

Then she opened
the old classroom window.
and the cool spring air
filtered into the chalky room.
The lilac perfumes drifted into the room.
From the ancient lilac tree outside.
What is that fragrance class?
It is Lilacs,
Mrs. Chowdhury,
we sang in unison.

Yes, it is lilacs children.
Last year they all died
with the winter storms.
But now they are back
as sweet as ever.

The jobs died with the war.
But they will be back.
You must all learn as much
as you can to take them.
children.
She never lost a single chance
to teach us something.

I get back to the UK
every now and then.
I am a doctor.
perhaps the one she saw
in her class so long ago.

I call in to see her
in her tiny retirement flat
in Manchester.

She pours me a cup of green tea.
Into a delicate china cup.
It is grown in the foothills
of the Himalayas
she whispers
it is picked young.
so fresh so nourishing.
Never losing her chance
to teach me something new.

Now tell me
what new things
have you learned in America.?
The ingrained love of learning
Still shining brightly
in her beautiful eyes.

I remember when you were so tiny
You were fascinated by the moon
We hung a sky of golden stars
On the ceiling of your room.

You tied strings from star to star
Making star patterns yet unknown.
Became a bedtime spaceman.
That in your stars you roamed.

I think of the very first time
You went outside in dark of night
To look at the spangled heavens
And Bathe in their magic light.

Your wide eyes saw earth’s ceiling
With a billion stars so bright.
It send your tiny heart reeling
On that clear and wondrous night.

The stars told you they loved you
Every planet star and all
But you were frightened of them
They made you feel so small.

You could not change the constellations
In the space beyond the sky.
And the feeling of being so tiny
Almost made you cry.

But listen, little traveler.
There’s something you must know
The minute that you were born on earth.
A new star began to glow

Time goes by so slowly without you.
Our house is silent yet  full of echoes.
My existence now a sock
with a large hole.
It will take me a long time
to **** this one.

In your den I have moved
most of your things into boxes.
Except for your beloved pipe
it still carries its aromatic odors.

Today I gave your clothes to goodwill.
Except. I have kept your favorite old sweater.
In the dark it sleeps by my head.
Bringing to me
your familiar scent once more.
Reaching for you like I always did.

I call our phone again and again.
To hear the timbre of your voice.
Breathing in every nuance of each syllable.
Disturbing your new ghostly life.

It has more meaning than odors.
Or letters with faded photographs.
For a returning fleeting moment
you and I are together once again.

You ask me to leave a message.
I whisper I miss you honey

Deep In the night
Is when the colors fall.
From a velvet sky
comes midnight blue.

Within  the shadows
Whispers call to me.
I know the voice is you.

In the silence
Sweet music plays.
Memories sway
To a romantic tune
That comes from
Once happier days.

In the breaking light
The colors fall.
From a morning sky
comes paler blue

But In my heart
the colors fall.
Each time
I think of you.

There are
many colors there
of every shade and hue.
But the only one that
I can see is deep
And sad and Blue.

The old cafe has not changed.
Only you have.
Even I am just the same.
I know I always will be.

You tell me you are getting married.
Instantly I stop hearing your words.
Instead watching only the movement
of your crimson lips.

The ones I had longed
to press to mine forever.
The silence settles in my ears.
Yet a crescendo of thoughts
explode Inside my head.
Why did I never ask you
for that kiss?
The one that would have
stolen your heart for always.

The waitress passes by
serving steaming coffee
to faceless people.

Your eyes light like stars
as you tell me
where you will live.
How you met.
How much you love him.

You talk of other things
as friends do.
I bury my grief
in my silent broken heart.

The last touch of your fingers
Are more than a farewell.
But the last goodbye.

He had that dream again
He awoke with a start.
perspiration
Pouring down his face.
The car the children his wife.
The truck sliding on ice on the icy freeway.
Explosions the dump truck.
Then the silence
as they all drifted away.
And he was left alone.

He moved out of the small inner city cottage
Is was two years ago he just left it the way it was.
The kids toys strewn on the floor
Bread and cookies on the table.
He would never return there, never.
Not even to get his beloved alto sax.
His key to making a living.

He now followed the cop
that pulled him from the wreck.
He did not know why
she was pretty
But that was not it.

He was once told that if you save
Someone's life they belong to you.
Well she could have his
He did not want it anymore.

She entered the bank
He saw the robbery before she did.
The robber lifted his weapon before
She had time to move but he jumped
in front of her
and took a bullet for her.

It was in my arm straight in and out.
She put three in the perp
before he could fire another shot.
I fell down she held me in her arms.
As I was bleeding out.
Why did you do that she said
I would have been killed.
That's why I whispered.

She visited me in hospital
Brought me grapes
I hate ******* grapes.
She had no idea who I was
When the car wreck happened
I was covered in blood and EMS
Ran me to the hospital.
Names don't stay with people
Only faces.

When I got out
She appeared at my rented room door
With a coffee and doughnuts
I don't talk much since..well just since.
Who the **** are you she asked
A God ****** Angel.
I said, I don't think God dams angels.
She seemed to like me.
**** knows why I wasn't nice to her.

She started looking for me on her shift.
Grabbing coffee and suggesting dates.
I told her no offence don't arrest me
But I don't date anymore.
But she was a new York cop
and a woman,
******* relentless.

She said she would make life hell for me
If I didn't take her for a date.
******* women.
I gave in and said I would join her
At the blues club nearby.
We got there at 10 pm after her shift
She looked ******* hot.
The blues were playing
I heard the alto sax wailing
It cried like my soul was feeling.

She saw tears in my eyes
And held me to her soft breast.
Tell me what it is
Is it me she asked?
I was just silent.

The owner of the club saw me.
He said, Tony where the ******* been.
It's been two years since you came her
We miss your sax wailing boy.
He said where's your sax?
Don't you have it anymore?
I shook my head it was a lie
But I had my reasons.

He grabbed the alto sax
from the band playing.
Make it weep Tony.
My heart needs to hear you play man.

He moved quietly to the stage.
And the room went silent
Just as if the Angel Gabriel
was going to wail his horn.

They remembered me
and they stood up
and clapped for five minutes.
Blues people don't change.
They just get ******* older.
I said nothing
But played nature boy

Peggy got up and took the mike
She wept the words as I played
Tears falling down her
sad black face

There was a boy
A very strange enchanted boy
They say he wandered
very far, very far
Over land and sea
A little shy and sad of eye
But very wise was he

My cop was crying too
She said I don't cry ever see.
I am a cop
I see ****.
Who the **** are you she said?
But I let the sax wail for my words..
It poured my sadness into the night.

She got my full name from Peggy.
She says that boy needs a woman.
But then a woman is Peggy's
answer to all mens problems.

She run the info though the computers
at the precinct those ******* things
Know every leak you ever take.
She saw the car wreck the body bags
Me covered in blood.

She found my mother in law's place.
And went there.
She said he's heart sick
He wont go home
Won't let anyone in.
He blames himself.
He's never cried once
It's eating him inside.

She said I can't find him
Hes over at the cemetery.
She missed her shift change over
And went to the Park Lawn

He was kneeling by a family
grave talking to his kids.
She went to him and slipped
Her arm around him
He turned his head
Into her breast and wept and wept.
He sobbed like his sax wailed.
She kissed his hair
Let it out honey
Let it go.

She drove them to his house
The mess on the floor.
The stale food stank.
It was in a mess
The kids toys spread everywhere
His sax on the hall table.
She was silent and
gotdown on her knees
And Started cleaning.

She said
I saved your life right?
He sad yes you did.
And you saved mine right?
He said yes I did.
She said
Unless we both say were even
You know what it means?

He nodded
Yeah
We belong to each other now.
You got it magraw she quipped.

Two years later
Tony came back from his gig
At the blues club
He had a recording contract in his pocket.
The money would come in handy
What with their second child
coming in a few months.
Kids were pricey little buggers

Lost in Time

Time is a confusion to me these days.
is it today or twenty years ago?
My mind is now a time travelling machine.
Where will I be when I wake?
a thrush warbles its tune
through the open bedroom window,

I turn to Mary and say
It’s going to be a wonderful day, my love.
Then as I touch her long  hair
her undisturbed pillow reaches my fingers.
Then it is now again
I know she is no longer here
I lost her so long ago.

How strange the instant of our loss
never loses its pain?
I read the notes my daughter left for me.
The six cartons of milk in the refrigerator
A testament to my time travels.

As I eat a bowl of cereal for breakfast.
Mary joins me for a chat once more.
We talk about our retirement plans,
the travel, the exploring
the joys of freedom.
Old age will be our time,
she smiles,

I am as fascinated
with her sparkling eyes
as I was the first time
I saw her so long ago.
I have an overwhelming need
to tell her I love you,
but she has gone
lost in the mystery of times ether.

My daughter arrives to fix my lunch.
she asks
Why don't you move to the new
Assisted living place .
"don’t you get lonely here Dad?"

I answer quietly
No kitten,
Not lonely.
never lonely.