my pain was never easy
it never made beautiful couplets on a page.

instead my pain was danger,
it left me breathless and scared.
corners of my life lurked with shadows,
shadows of past experiences.
I prayed about it,
talked to a psychiatrist about it,
said a few chants about it
But my pain always knew how to enter
and take as it pleased.

my pain was never an aesthetic,
instead - it was me lying in blood stained sheets on a cold morning,
laying there while everyone continued their lives exploring.
my pain left me in bed,
with death tattooed down my left vein.

when sadness didn’t seem enough anymore,
my pain would ask for more.
it always demanded more,
& more is what i gave.

Kid, you've got to love yourself.
You've gotta wake up at four in the morning, brew black coffee,
And stare at the birds drowning in the darkness of the dawn.
You've got to sit next to the man on the train station who's reading your favorite book and start a conversation. You've got to come home after a bad day and burn your skin from a shower. Then you've got to wash all your sheets until they smell of lemon detergent you bought for four dollars at the local grocery store. You've got to stop taking everything so ******* personally. You are not the moon kissing the black sky. You've got to compliment someones crooked brows at an art fair and tell them that their eyes remind you of green swimming pools in mid July. You've got to stop letting yourself get upset about things that wont matter in two years. Sleep in on Saturday mornings and wake yourself up early on Sunday. You've got to stop worrying about what you're going to tell her when she finds out. You've got to stop over thinking why he stopped caring about you over six months ago. You've got to stop asking everyone for their opinions. **** it. Love yourself, kiddo. You've got to love yourself.