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Jordan Salcedo Mar 2015
Fairness is saying he was 40% of the problem , because 60% was trying to rebuild before I ever learned his name.
I'm not addicted to him.
I crave to be out of the mind that races without my permission.
Fairness would mean that your "facts" aren't in fact "facts" they are your opinion.
What you think you know, about something you know nothing about, is really just a perception.
The day you snort the truth directly into your brain, I'll accept that your word is golden.
Until then, let's keep both ours clean.
Addiction from a non addict
the women of the past keep
phoning.
there was another yesterday
arrived from out of
state.
she wanted to see
me.
I told her
"no."

I don't want to see
them,
I won't see them.
it would be
awkward
gruesome and
useless.

I know some people who can
watch the same movie
more than
once.

not me.
once I know the
plot
once I know the
ending
whether it's happy or
unhappy or
just plain
dumb,
then

for me
that movie is
finished
forever
and that's why
I refuse
to let
any of my
old movies play
over and over again
for
years.
Jordan Salcedo Feb 2015
Peeling and falling off- we are the walls of this old house.
Crowbars to the floor boards.
We’re being lifted up, to lay new ground. 

Many people have forced their way in, to only destroy the beauty of our own abandonment. 

They marked our mirrors and painted over our insides, with words that hurt while we stood here motionless. 

We are the heart of this place. 

Our valuables taken, used as a one night place of shelter- we were useful to others for a moment.
Gutted and empty, we were alone. 
Unfixable. Condemned. Useless. 

We built a home that someone else set flames to. 

We are the building someone passes everyday only hoping one day to own it and make it alive again. 

We were so beautiful once.
The vision of someone else’s perfection and I swear, in the perfect light, the cracks between what we were and what the world makes us, lets in the most beautiful shade of serenity. 

We are the recovery of that pit that never seems to be fulfilled. 

We are the people we’re trying to fix
Somewhere between moving on and finding peace
Jordan Salcedo Feb 2015
I’ve felt your hand in mine- despite me trying to fill them with his. 

My legs could stay wrapped around your hips for as long as I could hold on. 

You said you liked the way my body was shaped 
and the way I scared you in all the best ways.
You thought I was going to save you, I know that’s what you were thinking.
Stars are stars and I am only made of them.
The truth is -my body is a folded paper marked with lists that I never got around to doing. 

And I’m ******* terrified to grow.

I thought you were going to save me.
I know that’s what I thought. 

Gates don’t JUST fall, 
Someone has to lower them and bodies don’t just join, the magic has to be there.

And I didn’t tell you I cared to watch you grow in the opposite direction. 
And I didn’t ask you for you to do any of this.

I believed in you the way you’ve always wanted someone to. 

Heart in hands and blindly led.

I loved someone who didn’t love me. I don’t know how to turn that into poetry.
January 1, 2015

— The End —