You can breathe tonight.
Let no effort bring itself to your tired bones.
I will hold you, until the end,
and no demons will break through to
your porcelain soul.

Let sleep wrap you in its wings.
Dance with me in the stars.
Tonight you are alive,
and you will be tomorrow, too,
and that is glorious,
because this cramped universe
is pure emptiness without you.

Let it be noted, that,
I am one who seldom seeks the presence of another being.
Fortunately,
you are no other being
(I believe you are a part of me).

Tomorrow, you will live on,
and I might not,
and that's alright,
but,
let it be noted, that,
you can still breathe.

I remember being young and thinking I was alone in the universe.
I remember being old and touching your chest and feeling your heartbeat
and knowing that I was just a dumb kid once upon a time.
I remember this chaotic cycle of desire and apathy
and how stars used to form from the heat between us.
I remember crying out in the night and getting a call back
and hearing a prayer whispered to the dark for protection over the light.
I remember me.
I remember strangers and curfews and hushed toxins and passion.
I remember youth and innocence and a grip so tight it knocked the wind out of me and pushed the word love past my lips.
I remember you.

what do you tell yourself when you know you're inferior
i'm surrounded by gods who make art from their pain
they can write, draw, sing, pluck strings
do they know i'm special?
do they know i can carve promises into my thighs with a blade that's been more intimate with me than anyone i know?
do they know how much i ******* hurt because there's no outlet for my shame,
there's nothing to do when no one wants to love you.
what do you tell yourself when you want to give up
and there's no more comfort in wrecking yourself

Absolutely beautiful,
coming down, elegance flowing graciously,
harmoniously.
I'm jubilant, keep leaving my noose on pretty quaint Sycamores.
Trust, under vows, with xeroflulogitis.
You.

-Zee

Sometimes I look at her and still think of home.
She ignited a spark in me and I had to stifle it:
wildfires never got me anywhere, and smoke lures the beasts.

Where do you go when you're posing for your demons?
What shadowless space is left in your head, inviting you to stay for a while?
I would think of her and they ran, still lurking but never touching, yelling from afar.
But a lack of refuel muted the engine and caused me to stutter,
things can only go so far when you're running on empty.

I learned to never regret but it's something else entirely,
walking through your home when it's empty and waiting for someone else to move in.

It's been eons (no, days) since I described to her how much I love you, how much you mean to me.
It's been forever (no, maybe a week) since I told her I think I'm in love with you.

You don't even have to say anything, I'm content with your breathing,
because sometimes it still sounds like hope.
I could trace the fissures in your bones and count the stars in your eyes and I still wouldn't believe an earthquake like you brought me so close to home.
I want to lie by your side and take dumb pictures that will only show my face because you're too embarrassed to show yours and I'm too proud to not show you off.

I think your kisses probably taste like forever.

I am not strong, nor will I ever be.
I am not pretty, or confident,
intelligent, or witty,
or even very considerate.
I can barely take care of myself.

If it makes you feel safe, though,
or keeps you alive a while longer, with a healthy smile on your face,
then I will try to be all of those things, and then some.

This thumping in my veins is a constant reminder that I'm alive
and, I wonder,
When did that fact start making me sad?
I've stopped wondering when my smiles are and aren't genuine
because I know a broken soul isn't worth grinning about.

I thought I'd be happy, or even sad, about his slow departure from me,
but I still don't feel a thing,
and my impenetrable armor has never made me laugh so much.
It wasn't unexpected.

You're not even leaving
and we're still not daring to breathe,
because it's impossible to look one another in the eyes
when we're too busy staring at the cracked ground.

I've pushed everyone away and it's just a matter of time before the atmosphere breaks and gravity gives up and they're all gone for good.

This is my final part in our game of
Tug of War.
I guess we'll talk again
when she stabs you in the back.

I went brick by brick to keep out the demons
but you tore them all down.

Walls aren't demolished for just anything,
and you plucked them all by hand,
one by one til we could press our hands together
and touch at the tips of our
breath.

Every time I visited you, I tried to count the windows.
You never let me finish.
I never got to start.

So maybe I expected a bit more from being exposed, some kind of compensation,
maybe I haven't got a right to be angry
( I'm not, but do I have the right? ).

Maybe I just want to see you as more than what you do.

Can you imagine a life in black and white?
I wouldn't like to,
and greyscale never did expose the beautiful complexion
on which I planted fervent kisses
and meaningful whispers
hushed only with the lips of a soul
I can never seek to fathom.

And how would we see
the colors of our wounds?
The fangs of our demise
finding purchase in our skin
and draining all reds, blues, greens.

I think you bleed yellow,
and perhaps that is why you slit your velvet graces,
to find the happiness you know
is somewhere very
very
deep within.

I am nothing (but naïve).
You are everything, and beautiful.

Sleep has avoided me for hours
and I'm sorry about my feelings for you.

For wanting someone who hasn't
a single degree of romantic inclination towards me;
My best friend, of all people.
Maybe it's my fault that you're flawed enough to be the one thing
I need the most,
a downpour during a drought,
and I'm sorry for that,
too.

I just can't help myself
when it comes to loving you.

Monday,
starting the week with a kiss good morning and the scent of breakfast blend in the air.
No time for eggs, we'll settle for Eggos and Poptarts.
A hurried goodbye and meaningful promises to return soon.

Tuesday,
waking up late,
****,
going in in a rush, no time for a shower,
quick kiss and we're out the door.

Wednesday,
traffic is crazy, no break today.
In a hurry to get back home.

Thursday,
leftovers again, really wanting to spend all day together,
only cuddling close at night.

Friday,
longer with the promise of an enjoyable presence tonight.
A romantic comedy, maybe,
some homemade spaghetti and a glass of wine,
relaxing into each other's curves late into the evening.

Saturday,
No time to rest, so many plans been made,
maybe dropping by IHOP and laughing at the complicated orders.
Hanging with family or friends, visiting the city,
coming home and getting warm, playing games and feeding the cats.
Gentle teasing making the night right.

Sunday,
Brushing the hair out of your face and laughing because we woke up at noon.
Making a big breakfast because we'll feed ourselves and our friends, assuming we ever leave the house.
Spending most of the day lazing around and watching cheesy horror movies, yelling at the protagonists for being stupid, making a big dinner to last us the week
and accidentally saying "good morning" instead of "goodnight" because it's past our bedtime and we're closer to the weekend.

A life of love,
because we have each other.

I can say, very easily and without exaggeration, that every godforsaken moment I don't hear your voice or see your face is pure agony.

I'm sorry for the rollercoaster,
but I'm not sorry for my feelings,
and maybe we'll work out someday.

i want to start living but more than that i want to stop breathing i want to forget and move on and not be hindered by these weights but they told me anchors are supposed to be good things they told me that i will not be swept into the ocean but they never told me about the tsunamis that crush the foothold and drag you to the bottom and leave you there to die they did not tell me that i would want to be embraced by the earth that will inevitably cover my corpse when i have left my body because i am already dead and there is nothing more and i am done fighting i dont know how to swim any more i dont want to see the sky because the sun is not inviting when it burns my skin and the rain is cold but in the ocean everything is constant and i could use the silence

I have never been sad.

Tearstains are nothing but memories of heartache
and I want to forget everything.

If I could love you,
and grace your lips with my touch,
without force,
would the notion be reciprocated?

I used to wonder what it felt like
to be a bird:
I am constantly trapped in a cage of my emotions.

My song knows no sweetness.
I am a Siren.
I am broken without sorrow
and sing only of those cold nights
that lack your presence.

Missing you is regretful.

I have always been destructive.

It's not so much a longing as it is pure curiosity,
but there's no need to reopen closed wounds.
Sugar soothes my scars, but you're salt,
and we were meant to fall apart eventually.
So, I will call some neutrality
(this is my doing so),
because we all **** up, and I've no ill will left to poison anyone with,
and I will be here if you ever need me.

Tomorrow I'll be on my own again.

I can't dream when I sleep with you
because you make my mind all fuzzy.

I remember your taste better than my own name

Thought maybe I've been running from the water this whole time
but it seems so friendly after last night.
Nothing else comes close to losing you
and that in itself is terrifying.
I'm beginning to wonder if wanting to hold you close at night
really is such a selfless act?

I remember being in third grade and wanting to hold her (freckled) hand.
She locked me in a bathroom on my first day of school, but we became friends anyway.
I didn't like her friends and she didn't like mine but we hung out anyway and it was time well spent because you don't talk to someone like her and continue to hate who you are.
She had dark hair that reflected the sun and curled in the wind
and she carried around a binder with a "K" on it so everyone would know how unique her name really was
(it was a very cool name).
Three months at that school and she's all I can remember.
I still wonder if she remembers me.

She loved you once.
Once.
She doesn't know where the time went,
but you're yesterday's news,
and she's never been happier.

So easily do you cry out as the victim
that you seldom remember you are also a criminal.

I have no further desire to pity you.
Stand up, dust yourself off,
lift your chin and wear your mistakes as a sheath
guarding your penetrating lackluster sword.
I won't stop you from making a fool of yourself,
but I have every problem with you trying to make a fool of me.
Why don't you stand up
and wipe the false tears from your eyes?
No one believes you anymore,
even if they stopped trusting me long ago.
They don't care.
They aren't going to care.

So why don't you stop pretending,
and draw your white flag,
and surrender to the truth
you've known all along?

My pills are supposed to make me happy,
but I'm quite done pretending

(I'm a terrible actress, anyway).

Worlds apart but we understand each other
We're not even together and we talk about a future that's set in stone
I can hold your hand from a distance but I wanna touch your face
Tell you how you've got me caught up in you
Well, that's not such a bad thing
Well, you're not such a bad thing

I think I could get used to this
(I already have)

Don't get me wrong,
I know I'm always quick to flip to Revelations
It's just that decisions are best when made overnight- or, that's what I've been taught
And maybe that's wrong and I should slow down
But you'll be on my mind til the end of Time, anyway

She is the reason I clench my fists-
another wave crashing against
an already broken ship.
Something held so fondly in the hands of
an ignorant little child
torn to pieces by belligerent claws
worn so elegantly by an otherwise
hideous temptress.

Oh, how you hate me.

**** you and your conscious actions,
eliciting dreary moans from an already enervated alias.
you, who once exhilarated me,
now the cause of my exasperation,
will one day be the most glorious cause
of my most hideous downfall.
can i name your shortcomings, at least?
one, you take too long to make me cry.
two, no one ever told you to be so ******* quintessential.
three, can i hold your hand? no, it is too faultless on its own, i shant sabotage your look.
four, your facade is growing tired. make a new one. i like the expressions that dance on your face.
five, you knit your brows in a way that resembles a calf.
i cannot express more than five-

oh, hell, were those even flaws...?
**** you and your olive flesh
(so smooth, as if ivory)
and your cocoa eyes
and your coffee-stained teeth
and the way you praise God
as if you actually know Her

I once told myself that I was strong.

Lo and behold, it was a lie-
of course, I didn't know that then.
Very few people are capable of admitting
everything is not alright.

You came along when I was broken, bent
out of shape,
unfixable- and you're still here.

Strip the flesh from my bones
and make from it a carpet
to better walk all over me.
Craft from my skeleton
a little cage for birds
and allow them to assist in your
defilement of me.
Feed my organs to the Lion
so that I might keep Him at bay
and allow for your further escape.
Bury my soul amongst the stars
and I can water your garden with my tears
(I've always wanted to give you life).
Cast my memories aside
and fill my mind with your own,
because my thoughts should be about you, anyway.

She's the rhythm in my dance,
the reason for my choreography.
Everything I do is in her name.
No universe is complete without her
(she is the embodiment of all life):
I am not complete without her
(she is the reason in my mind).

There's no regard for your feelings when my heart is in charge.
"You feel the same!"
It's a lie we let me live with.
I'd be okay with going into cardiac arrest over you, anyway.  

My brain thinks you're magnificent-
or perhaps horrendous...
Nonetheless, you seldom leave my mind.
I've considered purchasing another mattress
(my heart wants to know if we can share it).

I haven't told anyone that I'm scared of getting close to you because I'm just waiting for you to leave.
Nine-year-olds should not be wielding knives,
but you started years ago.
You're capable of so much. So many good things.
You're a singer, a musician, a dancer, an athlete. You've got eyes so blue the sky is jealous.
Things aren't alright here, and I wish you would learn to take it,
but at the same time, I don't want you to be like me...

I've already lost one brother.
Please don't let me lose the other one.

Slice a blade down my skin, make me an easel for your release.
Stamp your feet on my chest, use my cracked ribs as a doormat.
Rip out my teeth, I'm sure they'd make great confetti at the party for my demise.
Tear apart my heart and feed it to the alley cats. Use my intestines to make dessert.
Craft from my bones an array of musical instruments to play when you remember the joyous occurrence of my death.
**** me so slowly I feel every ounce of pain so I can remember how it feels to be alive before I'm gone.

Empty hallways, crowded streets.
I always wanted to grow old,
but I never wanted to grow up.

Why does leaving mean forgetting? I can already feel them all slipping away.

I don't want this to be over
but I've never seen a better ending.

When I hear your voice I can't help but smile, it's a natural reaction, we all need to embrace perfection.
I just want to hold your hand again.

It's the weight on my shoulders that has me writing tonight,
and the way that you look at me
with heavy-lidded eyes and half-curved lips
makes me feel as though
you put the pressure there yourself
and are waiting for me to fall.
I've crumpled to the floor too much to appreciate anything but the pain of this drawn-out seduction
and I have never wanted more than to touch someone's frown with my smile.

But that would be a lie.

Tonight I want to be one with myself
and admire the storms above me with a newly found solace,
but it is hard to look yourself in the eye
and mention that a broken glass
is still worth drinking from.

My ear hurts.
That's nothing new.
You're beautiful,
and that's old news,
but I'd listen to it every day
with this bleeding mess on the side of my head.

I'm cramping.
Guess it's that time of the month.
But I love you every time of the month,
every day, every hour, minute, second
breath

Heartbeat.
It sounds in my veins and reminds me of you,
lingering under my skin and keeping me alive.

Beat.
Beat.


*Beat.

A ray of **** sunshine on the outside,
no,
I'm a total b-i-t-c-h.
Addicted to hypocrisy,
I'll shoot my veins with moronic ideals til I'm high,
high enough to think that anyone could love me if they'd just try.

Don't ******* comment on my inability to speak sometimes,
it's not something I can help.
****** before I knew what it even meant
and you're surprised I'm in such poor mental health..
Overdramatic, maybe,
a bit more responsible than most,
I'd **** to make my enemies like me.

You, you're no better than me,
your heart's been dripping with sin
since you knew how to speak.
You've had it ******, too, yeah,
so you've gotta punch my face in.
Get it beat into our heads that we're never gonna be good enough,
well,
I just wanna be good enough.

I just wanna be good enough.

i want to scream from a mountain top that i am done with everything
but i am in a wasteland and there is nothing on the horizon around me and i do not have the strength to get there

Say there's a place down the road
I can hold your hand and kiss your cheek,
steal a glance at a pretty face,
sell the heart of a hopeless girl.

Well, I want to the rule the world
if it means I get to dance with you.

I'm too weak to admit that I'm not enough for you.
I hate my inability to dry your tears and be there when you need me.
If nothing else, I just want to be able to turn
your every frown into a smile bright enough
to put the sun to shame.
Maybe you could cure fatal diseases with that laugh of yours.

I just want you to be happy,
for us to float amongst the stars together and travel the galaxy
with our fingers twined and squeezing
and our words trailing comets.

Just smile, baby.