Early morning, eyes start wonder , mind starts to ponder, about what does and dosnt really matter , a distraction to the pain and all the words that are knocking on my ear drums. My foot steps further down as I listen to sound of the 6 cylinder engine he continues to mention. All the problems and heart ake its enough to keep me awake. So I slowly put my dose of caffeine down and think what am I going to do now. I snap out of it the light turns red ,foots on the brake ,life is giving me another choice to make . I take a deep breath and answer back with the strength I have left. He needs more I guess its time for another job,  a reality check in the form of his wisdom his problems become mine his sorrow because mine his sadness and anger fules mine. So I sit up straight and look towards the sunrise eyes burning souls still learning. I blink to find a tear escaping the prison I have set in my eyes. So I let it go to run free to dream and hope so fearless,  that I envy it.

It begins with a thought a glimpse of the past slowly transcending into a ride. I begin to realize that I'm loosing ahold of reality like the ripples in water from a drop of time falling down upon its suttle nature. I'm looking up at the stars as if there's a message for me or a beautiful escape to distract myself from the coughs and the clouds burning inside of me that I create with the lungs I treat so cruely night after night. Breath after breath the clouds surrond me as if to enclose myself in a place without fear or Worry, without pain or sorrow. These grey clouds whisper in my ear explaining how things work and filling me with questions. I count down starting from three and with each blink I descend deeper and deeper to only be brought up higher. I blink hard, I'm looking down upon a  child who's seen so much, who's felt too much, who's going through so much hes tryng to cry to wash away and let go of his pain but all his tears have already been spent long ago. So he inhales the grey clouds and with each breath he takes his eyes begin to wonder, his mind is rather occupied by the memories, overflowing and drowning all at once. I blink a second time, The clock strikes midnight, time takes its toll and with each second I'm falling back to where it all began, I try to claw my way back up but the clouds have disappeared no longer there to float me back up to the gates of heaven. I feel a hole in my stomach as I lick my lips, I realize the music has ceased to move in me so I remove the technology from my ears and begin to listen to the hunger in my stomach instead, forevermore growing stronger and heavier, a hunger that strikes me like lightning whenever i get a hint of its aroma in the crisp and cold air, an aroma that reminds me of what it was like to taste heaven and forget about all the people that have died, all the beatings I've endurerd. A little boy still trapped inside of a growing mans body.  The feeling to be separated from the part of him that's still scared stirs in his heart like an ocean filled by tears and years. I blink again, time speeds back up my thoughts cease to crowd me I realize and visualize what it was like so see the stars move contemplating and waiting impatiently until the grey clouds return .

We will because we're strong
and as I listen to this song
I know nothing can go wrong
Because I'm happy with you
No matter what you do
So don't you dare look down and cry
Don't you dare give up
And I know it's not fair
But we'll make it through And that's the truth.
Above and below wherever we go well always make it through.

Coming at me from left to right, all at once hard and fast, confusing and mysterious. They form a cage around me, keeping me from ever getting out. Consuming me, devouring my thoughts of happiness. They take the form of a language i can not read like ancient hieroglyphics. They beat me until i cry, until i give in. I'm drowning and there's  no one around to save me. The questions of what, why, how, and maybe if flood my head. Weighing me down as time passes by, i cant seem to escape this endless tragedy. So maybe its time i let her go. Realize and visualize, to float away and hope, maybe ill write her a note. Of what i felt and what i dealt. The signs all point to you but yours don't point to me.

Two steps forward and your ahead of the game. One step backwards and you're the one to blame.  Nothing but your thoughts to keep you sain. Up all night to watch the stars, wishing  i could escape to someplace like mars. Isolated and still, to ask myself the hows and whys. Too sensistive to handle the lies and goodbyes. They're vivid dreams, of a world i once knew. Once upon a time when she was still new.  But now i live in her world of green and blue , to be reborn into someone new

Stuck in a place, where I really have no say.
Trapped between close space, no way to escape.
So far away, and no one to save
Its so dark, I cant get away..

Even if I could, how would I explain
Tell a story like it never happened
Talking in third person because im so far away.

Faded all day to forget my pain
Double cup my cup to make it all go away
Light one up to fly away and remain sain
The higher i get, the more I forget
Left with out no recollection of any of this
Wake up to a scream, it was all a vivid dream.

A dream to remember like they say "dreams do come true" how can I escape something so true...

Moments are the flashbacks , The carefully picked out memories in time. The ones that moved in you, enlightened you, threatened you. Its up to you which ones you want to relive. Maybe save it for a quiet night under the stars with her, to recall them and smile as i stare into her irresistible eyes, 5 inches away from a kiss, silent and still and With every second that passes by they grow and grow without ever fading.