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Johnny Raven Feb 27
"Don't Polish The Blood & The Bruises"

Been Traumatized
Compounded Pain - Aching to Express,
Been Broken, Not Perfect,
Both of Us            Past & Present
Are Kind Of A Mess

Don't Polish The Blood & The Bruises,
The Poison from    The Past/The Present,
That Uses the Good Today as It's Fuel
Then Missing What Could Be               But Flew
Idly Unaware        That a certain Someone Misses You
But Won't  -  Can't  -  Say It To You
But I'll Do

What is Running Through Our Veins, Our Blood
Conveniently Misunderstood
What's made us "insane's"     anything but love
You Don't Have To Carry
All That Burden By Yourself,
All Alone
I'm Offering A Shoulder to Share The Weight - The Tears
Eventually That Pain Could Be A Memory on the shelf
After - time spent - texts - calls on the phone
Don't worry about the **** you can never mend
Focus on the green, what can grow, what we can defend
...
Why Do I Trust You?
There's Something About  Your Mind...Your Heart
You're Still Standing   Right From The Start
You've A Strong Inner Core, Fractured, But
A Deep Reservoir

I Trusted You Then

I Trust You Now

Let Us See    Where We Go
and
How Far

*- Johnny Raven ©2020 10:15 PM, Feb. 26th
Johnny Raven Feb 14
I Don't Know How You Turned Me Back On
I Don't Know What To Do...and so
I Can't Deny What You've Done...I Can't Deny What You've Done...
Are You, Already, Already Here, but Gone?
These tsunami's of paralysis from Hypnotic Blue-Green Eyes and
Kneading Hands, Our Calloused Hearts,
Goosebumps, Palpitations - internal shivers from
Your Touch, Your Taste - Your Form, Your Heart, Your Mind,
You've Formed Yourself into a Work of Art
Inarticulate words never spoken for F E A R of
The Damning of what Remains of Me Inside
I'm a good man, with a kind & guarded heart,
But what do these things matter without speaking Our Choices
Voices out loud - instead of an instinctual shoving of
Everything (Pain) Down Into The Dark
Please don't have a hidden blade to plant in me
My Heart, My Mind - Under Lock & Key, but that
Door's A Jar - Cracked Somehow - For You
We Must Have Bonded when we Were Broken        Previously
I guess that's a start? Maybe? No more burning bridges?
Might Want to blow out the matches, in your hands or mine?
Don't Let me Sabotage or Burn whatever this happy thing is
Un or Intentionally - I feel like I'm on fire on the inside
Burning away the dead wood - Burning away the dead wood
This might take awhile to figure out now
This might take awhile to figure out now
Your Suffocating Hugs Brought the
Green and Grew a Garden       Where Once where just
Jagged Rocks 'n' Spires, a Landscape Barren, Faded Black
Just Dust & Shattered Memories within my head
Half-Intact - You squeezed so tight, pressure pushed those
Memories of Smiles & Tears, Rising Up, Putting Pasts to Right
Flashing Lights and Flickers, God's Own Pinball
Machine, Lit-Up, Longing for Another Night of Passion
Some Laughs and Screams Between Skin +
Many More Hopes and Conversations
It's just Nice to Have You to Hold, Periodically,...Again
Interlocking Eyes, A Wholehearted Attempt to Reach For
However Your Words and Whispers Send Shocks, Send Shivers,
Electronic Tingles Down My Spine, Across My Skin
Momentary Flickers-Embers, Re-Lit a Furnace Long Gone Cold
It's just Nice to Have You to Hold, However Long,
Please Don't Think of Me Insane in These Endeavors
In This Moment - I am Yours and you're Mine
Maybe it was just Our Past, or Pain, Don't ask me again,
I don't know How to Express what's Inside my ****** up brain
I'm NOT In Love, but Like or Really Fond might be
A better title for what We've Began, Again...
Maybe this time around we'll learn more about
Each other's Happiness, Hopes, & Pains +
Sharing A Bed and Our Will Be's + Been (s)
A Little Solace from The Intermittent Bleeding
"The cut was deep, The blood was warm,
I can't deny what it's done - If we don't release the past
We'll slap the face        of the days to come
Don't rely on the painful times       let them       R E S T
Don't drag a net through the Sea of Forgetfulness"

Am I all these pieces reformed or shattered? A turn a Vagary
Am I Netted Before We Started? I'm Giving You the
Best of Me                 ...See?

©2020 Johnny Raven
Thursday, February 13th
10:22pm
She's been worth every allotment of time I've spent, regardless of outcome. The excerpt at the end is from a band called the Seventy Sevens [77s].
Johnny Raven Feb 5
"I believe we'll come out of this
With a healing compassion or
Scars and bitterness
Don't rely on the painful times
Let them    r e s t
Don't drag a net through the
Sea of forgetfulness

The cut was deep
The blood was warm
I can't deny what it's done
If we don't release the past
We'll slap the face
of the days to come

The days to come
Whoa-ah-o ah-o
The days to come
Whoa-ah-o ah-o
The days to come..."
Excerpt from a song by The Seventy Sevens
Johnny Raven Feb 2
Are We Fading Silhouettes?
Two people broken by ragged tear-filled screams
Promises broken, each picking scabbed wounds
In secrets our darkness continues to breed.
Crib-lizards or annihilation, moral center freeze?
But we both want to see
But supposedly we cannot see
But we both said we want (ed) to see
We made and broke so many promises
To Ourselves
Are you OK, Are we?
39-40's now, did we finally find our minds?
Deep down inside of us
Our places in society?
You said you drowned; never been cut so deeply,...

Childless and 41, what am I supposed to be?

What we could never see,
What we could never see,
or even ever be?
Alone and tired of scratching scabs
New scars, atop of scars, bleeding, is there
Nothing left of me you need
For you or
For me to be
Blood soaked and bereft

Our Fading Silhouettes
And so will we never be?
And so will we ever be?
Blinded by a rekindled romance or is this
Just another stupid *half-***'d
******* fantasy?
Words as weapons, kisses, then distances distancing
What will be, will be...
Whether I like the direction, well,
I guess we'll ******* see


- Johnny Raven ©2020 Saturday February 1st
   *(8:46pm)
Johnny Raven Jan 26
"Short Awakened Thought"

I know this look on my face.
It's a feeling way beyond fear
Because your brain can't get hold of it
Enough to be afraid.
You want to be afraid.
Afraid would be a hundred times
Better than this.
This is total ******* incomprehension
At what's happening and
It's all happening to you.
It's being sane one second and
Stark raving spiders-tunneling-their-way-out-from-under-your-skin insane the next...
oh joy.




Jun 27, 2012, 8:38 PM
I believe I cribbed part of it from someone, I just cannot recall who. It was in 2012, so I don't feel too bad for not remembering.
Johnny Raven Jan 26
"Broken On The Hour of the Wolf"

I broke down again today
The tear stained face reflection
So familiar
I've been here before and over
And over
One wonders why I still push
Why I choose
To still love her why I put myself
Through this                 through this
Emotional torture...F O O L
Had a breath of Fresh Air this
May 8th and since, yet partly through
Intermittent, CL haunted my thinking
Will I ever be happy
Will she ever come back to love me
Will these tears go from pain to the
Overjoyed bunny to the happiness
I felt for 3 years intermittently
How do I change how do I fix it
How do I let her go
Before I go **** face deranged
Laughing and weeping       **** it
Before I break for good and
My blood starts the seeping
Through the carpet I lay on and bed
Up against with a needle in my arm
To exact recompense to punish
Myself and make it all go away to
Slip into sleep so I no longer have to
Say "Baby, love me, like I love you,
Touch me as I have touched you,
...Please" as I squeeze the
Sheets between my toes and the
Intensity of my pain broken,
       Down on my knees
Drives me back to that darkness  
      Before when insane
Back into that bottle and the needle
That will change me back to
The man who no longer cares
Enveloped by blackness with
           Nobody There
So I can try to forget all of this pain
            That you see
So I can try to forget what you
Mean to me so I can roll over to
          A dead pale blue
And forget that you ever loved me
        And I ever loved you...

*- Johnny Raven ©Jun 16, 2012, 3:51 AM
I found a bunch of old jots and scribbles in my email I apparently stored there. So I'll be transcribing a few, here and there, onto here.
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