"Dysfunctional Con-Job Chemicals"
("The Wishing Well")

Nostalgia for the days I felt the sun
Dysfunctional con job chemicals
Love Rotten, Gonzo, broken, Gone.
A shattered cup does not reverse
Regardless of all the hurdles, hoops,
Transverse (d)

Miserable memories ruining
Momentary pleasantries
Present, malevolent, manipulated Deprivation sensory,
Turned over, congealed, nothing, but
Empty decadence
Disturbing element   aries
Lessons learned long ago, still
Extinct Pinocchio, diseased Antoinette
In that I lost my head
I lost my head
What a ******* colored
Clown show

- Johnny Raven
Thursday June 18th, 2020
5:55pm
©06-18-2020

"I'll Reach Into The Darkness"

I'll reach into the darkness
An oil slick staining My soul,
Grabbing a hold of Your arms
Let us not slip into silence
Into death, into Sheol...

Burning bridges in rainstorms
Trying to power through all of this blood
They prayed for the storm, but
Forgot about the mud

Suffocating silences and
Apprehensive illuminations
How do I tell You I Miss You
Without You ceasing communications?

But no matter how many matter's
You've rearranged inside my chest
I'll hug you tight when you're weeping
Always giving you My best
Anything to stop Us from ceasing
Expect nothing less...

So I'll reach into the darkness
Oil slick of sin dirtying my soul
Desperately grabbing ahold of
Your arms, tightly,
You're pulling me down into Sheol...

You're Heaven n' Hell in My eyes,
Sometimes
Did you tie a string around My soul?
I'm trying to do right in Your eyes
Those sighs
But I think "It's Time"
For Me to just give up, say "**** it,"
And go...

- Johnny Raven
Tuesday June 16th, 2020
9:45pm
©06-16-2020

"The Intermittent Connection"
(Tonight I'm Drowning)

Missing You comes in waves
And Tonight       Tonight I'm Drowning
I never know what I'm supposed to say
Through texts, telephone calls, and
Every ******* memory of You
Hemorrhaging
What fight I've left in Me today...
I've mistakenly spoken scars,
Then watched Your indecision's
Slash n slit, bleeding now,
Have We become what We
Became Having nothing, One Another,
Each Other, have and the have-not (s)
How long will this dance of pain and sin
Spin us around on our Merri-Go-Round
Of everything we had, We each found,
Afraid of this prayed for rain
Detained Each Other's eyes, locked,
But it's rusted, the past,
So it's down to untrusted
Mud, mishaps, I hope You feel no shame
Each and every time We whisper
One Another's names
To fluttered intonations, rigid
Muscles, and this searing, scarring pain.
Missing you comes in waves.
And Tonight
Tonight You're Drowning Me
In this ocean, an emotional con job,
Fade to black, I'm drowning,
But Do You See?

- Johnny Raven
  Monday June 12th, 2020
1:11am
©06-12-2020

"A Broken Mirror" 🖤

Retaliation from the shadows
Unbeknownst to me
Social media retaliatory
For what madness, vision's You
Imagined - illusory
Slights - Reality isn't conducive
To a shattered clock
A broken mirror, damaged heart
Your ex turned you into fear

A travesty piece of modern art
Devoid of basic loyalty regarding
Thee towards Me
Another woman fallow
Over harvested, stolen
Left bitter, livid, and shallow?
So I turned away, Why'd You
Waste My time?
You stole, You took
Too much
Out of luck, ******.

You may look,
But don't You touch.
If You need Me, which You won't
You know where I'm stuck
You're not free, You passed the buck
I remembered that failure is
Apart of being alive
Some secret sins, custom tailored
Attracted Me, set Your hooks,
Somewhere inside
Sent me wayward
But I guess I'll swallow my pride

I'm fallen...Your youth?
Ignoring instincts and intuition
I should have kept my silence
Instead, uncouth, I forced it
Two years of circling skin
Our fantasies drenched in sin
Just another's atavistic drive
Ignored red flags, Janus eyes?
All for a pleasurable procreation
These thoughts might be lies
I don't want anything we could be
To whither on the vine, to die
In the end, I see
It doesn't ******* matter
What will be, will be...

Still livid, but I'll forgive You
For everything that's been
As time passes, maybe we'll see
Since all was fine until unmasked
And You lost Your anonymity
Regarding You're ****** fantasies
Involving Me, Your statement
"To be blunt, I want (ed) You to
**** the **** out of Me..."
We shall see. We shall see.
So many inconsistencies
And yet, a probably
On forgiving You
At least along the physically.

Then We can break my bed
In California next time upon a visit
And act upon everything you've
Dreamt inside Your head
With an occasional break for breath
A multiplicity of "the little deaths"
I'll see You then, My silence
Will be permanent
Unless You choose to put to breath
The space You placed between Us.
(J♒W)

- Johnny Raven
1:11am Thursday
May 28th, 2020

I've lost my faith in
Other people's honesty
Seems they're never honest
When the question comes to me
Photographs of You
Reminds me
Stop being a dreamer
Never ignore your instincts
You knew when you'd last
Seen Her.
Take the blood and the bruises
Wrap the broken pride
Keep going
Even when the heart confuse (s)
Life's a ride, "Don't take the ticket"
The scars are a part to remind you,
Keep your emotions from
Ever showing
Don't ever let them find you...


- Johnny Raven 02:22am
Sunday May 24th

I'm not getting any younger
As I stare at each and every
One of my ******* blunders

Trying to focus on what I can show
Holding on to all the
Good things in my life
Holding tight, refusing to ever let go
Forced to focus on the hopeful
On The Show, a ******* handful

I'm not getting any younger
As I stare at each and every
One of my blunders

Listening to the distant sounds of
Destiny, the lightening and the thunder
Hoping, grasping, praying
But never really being sure...

Maybe tomorrow when the birds
Began to sing, early morning sunlight
I'll be a better me, maybe, maybe
I just might be, maybe you'll see?

I'm not getting any younger
As I stare at each and every
One of these blunders

So much insanity, a disregard of
Common sense in what I'm seeing
A bloated sense of self importance
I think I broke myself with a fantasy
I don't know now or then
What I even meant...

Or if we will even ever be...


- Johnny Raven 4:31am
Thursday May 21st, 2020

I'm stunned. Sometimes just seeing a woman smile is like a knife in the heart. It hurts and rattles your whole system, but against all your instincts you swallow the pain and keep looking. After a while you realize it doesn't hurt as much as you thought it would. "Hey, come here..." (Not Important) Karma is loaded dice on a crooked table and the House always wins, always...It was so quiet and peaceful while standing there maybe I was getting bored with just breathing? Sometimes a beautiful woman makes you want to check the knives in your boot, just to make sure they haven't been stuck into your back when you weren't looking... I don't feel much these days. There was a knife I hadn't noticed. Now I know I was distracted by something new, different, unique. Possibly special, but who the **** knows these days. We went sideways and I cannot really bring myself to give a **** most of the time. Maybe this was a blessing in disguise...In the end, I learned from it.